Simplicity
by wensleydale
Summary: Things should have been simple. Naruto was on the path to becoming Hokage but then Sasuke shows up back in town and he finds himself trying to regain his old childhood friendship through very adult means. Who knew sex made things so complicated. Yaoi ect.
1. Chapter 1

-Simplicity-

-Chapter one-

Naruto sat in a room of old men balancing his pencil on his upper lip in a desperate attempt to amuse himself. Tsunade insisted if he was serious about be selected to be hokage he should be more involved in the political process, which mostly consisted of attending incredibly dull meetings. 

He stared up at the clock to determine how much longer he had to endure this torture. He looked briefly over to the door and caught a glance of a dark haired figure walking by with what looked like the Uchiha symbol on his back. Instantly Naruto rose causing his previously balanced pencil to fall to the table with a loud clank. 

"Sorry, Bathroom!" He yelled as he sprinted out of the room in pursuit of the figure he had seen. After running to the end of the hallway and back to the other end checking inside every room on the way he gave up his search. He slumped to the floor and began to run his hands through his hair. _I must be seeing things_. Naruto thought to himself. He resigned himself to his fate and reentered the meeting. 

After 2 more hours of foot tapping, finger twiddling, doodling, and overall boredom he was free. Naruto sprinted out of the room over to the hospital where he found Sakura treating patients. He sat himself down on one of the spare beds. 

"The beds are for patients Naruto." Sakura said between clenched teeth as she began wrapping a wound. 

"Relax I'll move if you need it." Naruto sighed as he lied back resting the back of his head in his palms. "I thought I saw Sasuke today. It was weird. It felt so real!"

"Quiet down Naruto patients are trying to sleep." Sakura hissed.

"I can't help it. I was so sure this time it was real. I looked everywhere Sakura, and I mean everywhere. I even checked the ceiling." 

"I'll ask the Hokage about it later, besides don't you need to get going?" 

"What are you talking about, I just finished all my work for today."

"Didn't you promise Iruka-sensei you'd help out at the academy today?"

"Right!" Naruto yelled and he shot up and sprinted out the door." 

"Don't yell in the hospital!" Sakura yelled after him. 

Once out on the street Naruto's mood improved immensely. He stretched and started to head over to the academy. Naruto thought he saw a dark figure bearing the Uchiha symbol heading to the outskirts of town but when he blinked it was gone and scowled himself for going seeing things. _It must be all the time I spend in those pointless meetings _he convinced himself. 

Iruka-sensei was excited to see Naruto arrive. "Naruto, great, could you watch the class for me while I run a quick errant?" 

"What! I can't do that Iruka-sensei!"

"Sure you can, just make sure they don't kill each other."

"Easier said then done" Naruto mumbled to himself.

"Great I'll be right back." As soon as the door closed Naruto stood in front of the class. 

"Ok, today we are going to learn a very simple transformation Jitsu that works great on adults. Naurto snickered. 

"Don't you dare Naruto!" yelled Iruka from down the hall. Naruto silently cursed his former teacher's well-trained ears that he figured must be a result of dealing with whispering students. 

"Alright instead we are going to play a fun game that will help you with both your transformation and replacement jitsu!" Naruto exclaimed enthusiastically. 

---

The whole class including Naruto cried out in laughter when a student trying to avoid getting tagged transformed into a goldfish not realizing fish are useless on land. The student reappeared with a pop completely balling. "I was trying to transform into a shark." They cried. 

"It's ok" Naruto said rubbing the top of the youngster's head. "That's really hard jitsu, you did well." It was that that moment Sakura came bursting through the door out of breath. 

"Naruto you were right Sasuke is back!" She yelled.

"How can that be? Why haven't we seen him around the village?" 

"Tsunade says he is sent on a lot of solo assassination missions for a sub division of ANBU and when he's not on a mission he tends to keep to himself in the old Uchiha compound." 

"Sakura, do me a favor and stay here with the kids until Iruka-sensei gets back!" Naruto yelled as he ran out the door. He sprinted until he reached the edge of town where the Uchiha compound was. Suddenly he realized he had no idea what to say to Sasuke. 

Sure he had thought about it, but now that he thought back to everything he had planned to say he couldn't think of a response to his words that didn't involve bodily harm or death. He paced outside the gate for a long time until eventually he sat down on the ground leaning against the gate and watched the sun begin to set. Finally he got the nerve to enter. He cautiously walked through the gate. He walked by abandon houses until he stood in front of the main houses slowly he slid he door open. He saw a pair of sandals neatly lined up at the entrance and he smiled to himself for having chosen the right house. He took off his own sandals and stepped up onto the tatami floor. He slid open the first door and saw a lone figure kneeling in the center of the room meditating. 

"What do you want to say Naruto" Naruto jumped at the sudden noise. 

"What makes you think I was going to say anything?" Naruto cried out defensively.

"I could feel your chakara once you reached the edge of town. You were outside the gate for a long time which means you weren't going to attack me and that you thought a lot about what you were going to say, this also means it's neither urgent or important, but I know you are going to say it anyway so put me out of my misery and just tell me." Sasuke said without so much as twitching a muscle. 

"Hn." Naruto replied before he started to look around the room. He saw Sasuke's sword resting by his side but aside from that there was nothing in the room. "Do you even sleep?" 

"One does not need sleep when they are at peace with their mind." Sasuke replied coolly. 

"Are you serious?" Naruto questioned. Sasuke opened his eyes and turned toward him. 

"Of course not dobe, I just keep the futon in the closet." 

"Right, I knew that" 

"I know you didn't come here to ask me if I sleep, just tell me what you want and leave." 

"Teme, where do you get off coming back and not telling anyone? Did you really think you could avoid me?" 

"I hoped so, clearly I failed" Sasuke said as he returned to meditating. 

Naruto was getting angry and desperate. He knew if he didn't say something fast he would be forced to leave. "Lets go get ramen, my treat."

"And why would I go get ramen with you?"

"To celebrate you being back." Sasuke raised his eyebrows as if to say, 'seriously?' "Fine to celebrate the fact that I'll leave you alone if you go."

"That is the biggest load of shit I've ever heard" 

Naruto snarled at the passive looking Sasuke sitting with his back to him. "You came back to rebuild your clan right? In order to do that you're going to have to go into village eventually, why not get a free meal out of it, you still need food even if you are one with you mind or whatever." Naruto stood there staring at Sasuke's unmoving form. "I give up. What can I say to convince you to go?" 

"You don't need to convince me. I'll go." Naruto sighed in relief as he watched Sasuke stand and slide his sword into place on his back. 

"We better get going before the shop closes up," Naruto said through a huge grin on his face. 

The whole trip was awkward. They walked in silence. Even when they go to the Ramen bar there wasn't much conversation. 

"What have you been up to recently?" He asked hopefully only to get a silent response. "Tsunade thinks I have a good chance of becoming hokage. She has me attending political meetings in between missions. I also help out Iruka-sensei at the academy whenever I can. I figure it's the least I can do for causing him so much trouble all those years." Laughed Naruto who got not so much as an eyebrow twitch in response. "So, I heard you killed your brother. That's good." Still nothing. It was a relief when food came and he had something to distract himself. 

Once they were done eating Naruto stood up and paid. Before Sasuke could slip away he came up with a plan. "Hey, we should drop in on Sakura to say hi quickly"

"Ok" responded Sasuke. Naruto Grinned broadly and grabbed Sasuke's wrist only to have his hand shaken of a split second later. Naruto settled on walking a few steps ahead of Sasuke. They arrived outside the door of her apartment and Naruto knocked. A few seconds later he heard the door click and it was opened to reveal Sai standing in front of them shirtless. 

"Sai," he heard Sakura giggle "you can't open the door like that it could be my mother!" Naruto watched as Sakura walked toward the door and noticed them. "Naruto, Sasuke, what are you guys doing here." Naruto knew she meant why was Sasuke there; he dropped in all the time. 

"We just thought we would stop by to say hi." Naruto said speaking for both himself and Sasuke. 

"Why don't you come in? I'll make some tea." 

"That's ok, maybe some other time, we really should get going." He turned waving to Sakura and Sai as they closed the door. It didn't take them long to get back to the Uchiha Compound. Naruto was surprised when Sasuke sat down on the ground much the way he had earlier. Naruto took this as a cue to sit down next to him. There shoulders brushed against each other for a second that made butterflies run up and down Naruto's spine. 

"So Sakura and Sai?" Sasuke finally asked. 

"Yeah, it turns out she's attracted to cold, emotionally challenged jerks" Naruto snickered and was pleased to see a smirk on Sasuke's face.

"How about you Naruto?" asked Sasuke. He was surprised by Sasuke's sudden spur of conversation. 

"I don't think I'm in the right place for a relationship right now." He scolded himself as the words came out, not only was it the biggest load of bullshit, it also made him sound like a chick. "I would be nice to get laid though." Naruto noticed that Sasuke said nothing to this. "I bet you aren't getting any either, we should just fuck each other." Sasuke let out a laugh. "Wait a second I could have been being serious!" 

"Sure " Sasuke responded though laughter. 

"I'll prove to you that you should take me more seriously. When do you get back from your next mission, we'll do it then."

"I get back next Wednesday" 

"Ok I'll be here!"

"Whatever, you're just going to wuss out anyway." Sasuke said as he stood up and walked though the gate. 

"I won't, you'll see!" He yelled to Sasuke's retreating form before heading home himself. 

---

The next day Iruka-sensei treated Naruto to ramen. "Mind explaining to me why I came back to the classroom to find Sakura tied to a desk?" 

"Eh sorry about that, I had to leave in a hurry."

"Any reason why?"

"Sasuke's back in town." 

"Oooh I see." Iruka-sensei said looking at him with knowing eyes. 

"Iruka-sensei can I ask you a question?" Naruto said with his head bowed to hide the growing blush on his cheeks.

"Sure, you can ask me anything." He said rubbing the blond on the back as he continued to eat his ramen. 

"How do two men have sex?" At Naruto's words Iruka spat out all the food that was in his mouth. 

"Why on earth would you want to know that? Are you and Sasuke," Iruka-sensei coughed before whispering, "boyfriends?" 

"Nooo, nothing like that. It's just I haven't seen Sasuke in a long time, and it turns out he's been avoiding me the whole time he's been back and I started to panic that he would disappear again without me seeing him again. Sex came up in conversation, and we had an argument about him not taking me seriously, and somewhere in my screwed up mind I thought the best way to get Sasuke to agree to seeing me again was to become his fuck buddy."

"You got yourself in deep this time Naruto." 

"Don't I know it" Naruto mumbled under his breath

"Sex screws up every friendship."

"What about you and Kakashi-sensei?" Iruka-sensei blushed and stared down at his bowl. 

"That's different, it was a one time thing, and you're not even supposed to know about that. Besides I can't even look at him now."

"On the contrary you stare at him all the time now" 

"I do not."

"Then you better start looking very intently at your ramen because he's about to pass by." Naruto watched as his two former teachers stared at each other as Katakashi passed. "I think that was the dictionary definition of staring sensei." Iruka glared at Naruto before continuing to eat his ramen. "Will you just tell me how it works so I don't seem like a complete idiot when I go."

"So you're really doing it." 

"I'm not about to back out on my word, especially not when Sasuke said I would chicken out."

Iruka sighed and responded. "Up your butt." Iruka said barely above a whisper. At this Naruto when completely red, he really was in over his head. 

"How does it…?" 

"Please don't make me explain Naruto" 

"But, that's gotta hurt right?" 

"I'm not going to lie to you it's uncomfortable, and sometime painful, but it gets better after awhile and it just becomes about being close to someone." If possible Iruka-sensei became even redder. Naruto would have smirked but he was too embarrassed himself. 

"I think I can handle pain, I am a ninja after all." Naruto said smiling at Iruka. 

"Naruto I have 2 pieces of advise for you." 

"Yes sensei?" 

"Number one, use this." He handed a small bottle to Naruto who examined it curiously. "It, uh, makes it go in easier." 

"Yeah I figured that much out, I was just wondering why you carry it around Sensei, hoping for a chance encounter with Kaka…" 

"NUMBER TWO!" Iruka said cutting Naruto off. "Once it's done it's done. Don't stick around to chat or sleep. Leaving puts you in control. This is very important Naruto, don't linger unless he asks you to stay."

"I got it. Thanks for the ramen Iruka-sensei!" He said as he got up and headed home to metal prepare for next week's engagement with Sasuke. At least now he would have something to think about during all those boring meetings. 

---

Wednesday came too soon for Naruto and before he knew it all the kids had left the academy and he was waving goodbye to Iruka-sensei who caught Naruto in a hug. "You don't have to do this Naruto." He whispered in his ear.

"Come on Iruka-sensei your being melodramatic, it's not like this is the first time I've had sex." 

"Oh really, who with were these previous encounters?" 

"Myself mostly… let me rephrase that last line, it's not like this is the first time I've wanted to have sex." 

"So you really want to do this?" 

"You said it was about being close to someone. Well, I want to be closer to Sasuke and if this is how I have to do it, so be it." Iruka let go of Naruto and let him leave. 

Within minutes he was in front of the Uchiha compound sitting on the ground waiting for Sasuke. He didn't have to wait long, within 10 minutes the last remaining Uchiha was standing in front of him in the flesh. 

"Hn, you didn't wuss out after all. It's not too late you can still back out dobe" Sasuke said smirking down at him. 

"I'm ready." They glared at each other for a few seconds before Naruto spoke again. "Your move teme."

---

A/N 

What a cruel place for me to end that chapter. Hopefully you won't have to wait too long for the next one. I tried to make the characters as in character as possible which was difficult because, lets face it, Naruto and Sasuke probably aren't ever going to get together in the manga/show. Hopefully I stayed as true to their characters as possible, though I must admit I took some artistic license and brought up Naruto's IQ I few points because I love writing clever banter. Ciao for now.

-Wensleydale 


	2. Chapter 2

-Chapter 2-

_Sio credesse che mia risposta fosse_

_A persona che mai tornasse al mondo,_

_Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse._

_Ma perciocche giammai di questo fondo_

_Non torno vivo alcun, s'i'odo il vero,_

_Senza tema d'infamia ti rispondo._

If I thought my answer were given

to anyone who would ever return to the world,

this flame would stand still without moving any further.

But since never from this abyss

has anyone ever returned alive, if what I hear is true,

without fear of infamy I answer you.

---

Naruto wasn't sure how he had imagined the whole escapade with Sasuke would begin. He wasn't expecting to be swept off his feet but he was hoping for something a little more romantic then what actually happened. 

"Get up" Sasuke called coolly, not bothering to offer a hand to assist him. As soon as Naruto made a movement to stand Sasuke began to walk through the gate. Naruto took this as a cue to follow him. He caught up for a brief second when Sasuke paused to take off his shoes. Without bothering to wait for Naruto to take off his own he moved on into the first tatami room. 

Naruto stood and watched as Sasuke pulled a futon out of the sliding closet. He swallowed hard as Sasuke finished smoothing it out. _This is really happening._ He thought to himself. Finally Sasuke stood awkwardly 4 feet in front of him. 

"I have one rule Dobe." 

"And what would that be?"

"No kissing." Naruto was a little confused. 

"It's not like I'd want to anyway, but why not?" 

"It's too intimate. I don't know what kind of deranged fantasy you had in you mind but we are not lovers nor will we ever be." 

Neither moved for a few seconds until Naruto took the initiative to start removing his jacket. He threw it to the floor and untied his headband. After that fell with a clang he worked off his black t-shirt. Once that too was on the ground he paused to look over at Sasuke. "Just going to stand there and watch?" Naruto said through a smirk, challenging Sasuke to respond. 

Sasuke responded by starting to remove his own clothes. He took his sword and tossed it to the floor with a loud clang that startled Naruto. He proceeded to remove the large rope that was tied around his waist and un tucked his keikogi that caused his pants to hang low on his hips. He tossed the keikogi baring the Uchiha symbol on the floor on top of his sword. 

Naruto took a break from removing his own clothes to stare at Sasuke for a moment. His skin was pale and covered in battle scars. Naruto couldn't help but wonder where they were all from. He briefly looked at the mark on Sasuke's neck before focusing his attention on the tattoo on his arm that signified his ANBU status. "Hn, I can't believe they made you ANBU after you betrayed the village." 

"The Hokage is smart, she realized it was better to have me on her side rather then against her. There are plenty of other villages that would hire me under my terms." 

"And what terms would that be?" 

"I work alone." Naruto stared at Sasuke. "If you're here to chat dobe just leave, but if we're going to do this stop staring at me and lets continue."

"It seems as though I'm ahead of you teme." Naruto said as he flung his pants to the floor. Sasuke began to remove his own pants but by the time they joined his sword and keikogi on the floor Naruto already stood naked with his hands on his hips. He gave Sasuke a smirk. Quickly Naruto looked away as Sasuke began to remove the last of his own clothes. Naruto tried to stop a blush from forming but the most he could do was try to hide it. Luckily Sasuke was too busy hiding his own face to notice Naruto's embarrassment. 

They both looked up at the same time but when their eyes met they both turned away again. Finally after a few seconds Naruto turned to look at Sasuke only to see the dark haired man was already inspecting him. The two had seen each other naked plenty of times on missions during their youth but it had been years and when they look at each other they both knew this time they it was different. 

Naruto took a shaky step toward Sasuke who in turn took a step toward him leaving only a foot between them. Nervously Naruto reached a hand out to trace the ANBU tattoo on Sasuke's arm only to have it swatted away. After a few seconds Naruto reached his hand out with a different target. He slowly began stroking Sasuke's length. He watched as Sasuke tried to remain stoic but as soon as Naruto ran his thumb over his tip he cracked. Sasuke gasped and began breathing heavily. The Uchiha's length began to twitch involuntarily against his hand. Naruto grinned pleased with the control he held over Sasuke. 

He took the taller man's state of shock as an opportunity to force him to the ground. He fell onto Sasuke with a grunt. Suddenly Naruto got a new stroke of inspiration. He slid down Sasuke's bodily and positioned his mouth over Sasuke's already erect penis. Slowly he took him in. When he began to use his tongue Sasuke moaned. "Doobe.." Slightly annoyed at the use of his nickname Naruto gently ran his teeth over the tender flesh and removed himself from Sasuke. He Looked at the panting man beneath him and grinned as he wiped saliva away from the corner of his mouth. 

Before Naruto could prepare him self he was flipped over brutally and pinned to the futon. Naruto managed to free an arm to reach over to his pants that were on the floor near them. He rifled through his pocket until he found the tube Iruka-sensei gave him. He struggled with the cap for a few seconds before he managed to squeeze out some of the gel-like content. He reached for Sasuke's Length again slowly coated it. The Dark haired boy hissed at the coldness. 

"What the hell was that for?" The Uchiha managed to hiss out. 

" It makes it better for me." Naruto replied. 

"You sure know a lot about this for someone who had never done this before dobe." 

"What makes you think this is my first time doing this teme?" 

"Because you can't look at me without blushing" Naruto hated himself for turning redder as the Uchiha said it. Sasuke lifted Naruto's knees over his shoulders and put himself into position. "It's not too late to back out dobe" Sasuke smirked above him. 

"Do it teme." Sasuke needed no further encouragement he pushed himself into the squirming boy below him. Naruto bit his lip. He didn't want to give Sasuke the pleasure of hearing him scream. It was a different kind of pain then getting cut by a shuriken or being punched in the face. It was more uncomfortable then painful. "Aren't you going to move teme?" Naruto said through gritted teeth. Angrily Sasuke began to move in and out. 

At first it like an awkward dance. There was no rhythm and most of the time the move opposing each other instead of in a synchronized fashion. Eventually they got the hang of it. _I will not cum first, I will not cum first. _Naruto kept repeating to himself, but it was becoming increasingly harder to think as Sasuke kept moving within him. Finally Sasuke hit a spot within Naruto that made his eyes shine red. He dug demon like claws dug into the Uchiha's back as he moaned. "Saaasuke." He released all over his stomach and was pleased to feel Sasuke's own release inside him not long after. The dark haired boy collapsed on top of him panting. Naruto let his legs fall down to the futon on either side of the man sprawled across his chest. After a few seconds the Uchiha rolled off him onto his back still panting for breath. 

"Can I stay until a catch my breath?" Naruto asked through struggled breaths. The man next to him nodded. Naruto realized asking probably took away from the power of him leaving so after a few more heavy breaths he stood up ignoring the pains in his backside. He pulled on his clothes and made his way to the door. After siding it open he looked back at Sasuke who was still on floor panting with sweat making his pale skin shine. Naruto smiled. "That was fun. We should do it again. When do you get back from your next mission?"

"Next Saturday." With that Naruto left the Compound. He smiled as he noticed his soreness was fading. _Thanks Kyuubi_. **You don't deserve it**. He heard the demon reply. 

---

Naruto found him self stuck in another set of meeting the next day. He spent the time day dreaming about his time with Sasuke. _His skin was so warm, like it was radiating heat. _**You realizing you're doing exactly what he thought you would, fantasizing. **The demon within him spat. _Shut up Kyuubi! _

"What do you think we should do Naruto?" he heard someone say. 

"I think we should limit our involvement. If we come on too strong they might get intimidated and think we're trying to over power them." 

"Well said, I think we should mo…" Naruto began to zone out again. He learned awhile back that that response work for almost anything whether it was deciding to intervene in a war between two other villages, or deciding whether to put restrictions on street venders. **You should give up the Uchiha and focus on raising kits of your own.** _Well, that's just not going to happen right now. _**Suit yourself vessel. **The demon laughed. 

"What do you think Naruto?"

"It's a step in the right direction, but they still might misinterpret our actions." The table nodded in agreement. 

"How about if we…"

_Why are you so desperate for kits anyway? _**Call it maternal instinct. You would be good at raising kits, just like your great with the academy kids. I would trust my kits with you. **_Well too bad because it's not going to happen. _He heard the demon laughing but before her could tell her off the outside world called again. 

"Naruto?" the whole table looked at him hopefully. 

"I think it's the best we can do considering the situation."

"Well that's good enough for me. Meeting augured." The room emptied and Naruto collected his things to leave. He felt people patting his back and praising him. He made his way over to the hospital to visit Sakura before heading over to the academy. 

Sakura was on break and napping in an empty hospital room. Naruto surprised her by flopping down next to her on the bed. "How're you doing?" 

"You seem to be in a good mood for someone who is about to face a class full of little devils." 

"They're not that bad Sakura" 

"They tied me do a desk!" Naruto laughed. "I'm sorry you and Sasuke walked in on me and Sai the other night, I don't think I ever really apologized." 

"So we did walk in on something" Sakura's face turned the color of her hair. 

"I think he's going to propose soon." He blamed Sasuke for the fact that he was lying mere inches away from Sakura and had no interest in being intimate with her.

"What makes you think that?" 

"I can tell her really loves me." Naruto was glad Sakura could tell because he doubted Sai could. "I know he's no obvious about it," _understatement_ "but it's in the little things he does like brush my hair behind me ear or surprise me with a kiss." Suddenly Naruto felt incredibly jealous of Sakura. "I know he's feeling weird right now because Sasuke's back," _doubtful_ "seeing as he knows I used to be in love with him." _Possible but unlikely _"I just wish there was a way I could show him that I'm over Sasuke, that he's my reason for living right now." 

"Is there anything you can think of?" The blush reformed on Sakura's face.

"We'll he's always wanted to paint a nude picture of me but I've always been to embarrassed…I'm glad I can talk to you about all this Naruto." She said snuggling into his shoulder. "Anyway how are you and Sasuke getting along? I'm really glad you and him are finally hanging out after all these years. I know you guys didn't always get along spectacularly," _Gigantic Understatement. _"But you two always worked so well together." 

"I guess so." 

"Do you know if he's enjoying being back in Konoha?"

"I think he finds it pleasurable." Naruto said snickering to himself.

"That's good. I know this is a weird thing to say but I always thought you and Sasuke would make a great couple."

"WHAT?!" Naruto said sitting up instantly turning red from his neck up.

"Sasuke is so indifferent to everything. It's almost as if his hatred for you is the closest he's come to love." _That makes no sense at all. _"Anyway I have to get back to work and you have to get over to the academy. Please don't tell Sasuke what I told you." _Like there's any way I would._

"Sure thing." 

"Oh and Naruto one more thing."

"Yeah?"

"Thanks for listening." She said before returning to treat patients. 

If the chat with Sakura was embarrassing talking with Iruka-sensei was worse. All through class he stared knowingly over at Naruto. After class when they were picking up broken shuriken and other vestiges of failed ninjitsu Iruka confronted him. "So how was last night?" 

"I slept well, I think I might have had a dream about a gigantic nail clipper. What do you think it means?" 

"I think I means you had sex with Sasuke." Naruto was trapped. 

"Yeah it wasn't all that bad. We agreed to meet up after his next mission."

"Just be careful, ok Naruto?"

"Yeah sure." Naruto said grinning thinking back to the look on Sasuke's face when he left. "Thanks for the advise by the way, the leaving thing really works. I bet Kakashi-sensei just thinks you're playing hard to get." He saw the look on his former teacher's face change into a frown. 

"He's the one who left." Iruka gave up the task of cleaning and sat on the desk in the front of the classroom. Naruto also abandon his task and sat next to the person who was the closest to a parent he had ever had. 

"Shit, I'm sorry sensei. At least you got to see what he looks like under his mask right?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"Nope." Iruka lamented. 

"That must make kissing awkward."

"We don't kiss." 

"Yeah, Sasuke's weird about that too. He thinks it's to "intimate" I think it's a load of bullshit. How is taking it up the ass less intimate that having someone stick their tongue down your throat?" Iruka-sensei laughed. "He doesn't deserve you anyway. One day you'll get married and have tons of adorable children." 

"I don't want kids. I deal with enough of them everyday. Besides I have you." 

"Aw thanks oka-san are you sure you don't want to get it on more with Katakashi oto-san and try for a less bratty child."

"I'm not sure you want to make that analogy because if you're my child that makes Sasuke Kakashi's, which, I believe, makes what you're doing incest. Weren't you always saying how Sasuke was like the brother you never had?"

"Aah, come on, give me a break sensei, it's bad enough we're both male now you put this incest thing into my mind." They both laughed. Their laughter was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Come in!" The teacher called across the room. The door slid open to reveal Kakashi. Iruka stared as the former ANBU walked up to the desk. 

"Naruto, do you mind if I have a private word with Iruka-sensei?" Iruka looked at the blond with pleading eyes as he clutched unto his arm.

"Sure thing Kakashi-sensei all the students are gone, Iruka-sensei doesn't need my help anymore." Naruto grinned. "See you tomorrow sensei" Naruto said as he patted Iruka's shoulder and slipped the small tube his former teacher had leant him back into his pocket. Sensing the new weight Iruka slipped the hand that had been clutching Naruto's arm into to his pocket and blushed realizing what Naruto had left him. "You bastard" He heard Iruka-sensei say under his breath before exiting the room. Naruto didn't bother to stick around; he'd get the details from Iruka later. 

---

A/N I hope you enjoyed that epigraph, you might recognize it from T.S Eliot's "The Love Song of J Alfred Prufrock"… or, you know, _Dante's Inferno _if you're less of a lit nerd then me. I thought it was a fitting quote for someone going past the point of no return. I won't do too many epigraphs but for important turning points I think it's nice. I also hope you figure out the bold vs italics thing, I trust anyone reading this is reasonably smart. 

Hopefully one of these days I'll get my profile working…but my computer/ internet isn't getting along with the site… It's complicated. Maybe I should stop using safari. Maybe I should also figure out if the little chat bubble icon is for responses but until then I'll try it the old fashioned way.

Arelando: What an awesome name! Hope that was fast enough for your liking. 

Shadowphoenix143: Ha! Poor Iruka indeed! I hope I didn't disappoint you with this chapter.

Ori: I definitely spelled his name incorrectly on purpose to… uh you know… help fulfill what I hear reviewers favorite pass-time is, feeling superior. ;P I know things might seem rushed and for no apparent reason'-ish (I kind of like that word) but I promise it slows, just need to get the spirals of the gyre turning and all. 

SoSickOfNyQuil: I hope that's an ironic penname. I love NyQuil almost as much as wensleydale cheese. Glad it wasn't boring.


	3. Chapter 3

-Chapter 3-

Son coeur est un luth suspendu;

Sitot qu'on le touche il resonne.

The heart it a lute suspended 

With the slightest touch it resonates 

-De Beranger 

---

Naruto was back to balancing pencils on his upper lip during meetings. With Sasuke away on a mission until Saturday Naruto's life was in a lull. _I wonder what it would be like to run my hands through his hair while we're having sex. Is that too intimate? _**Fantasying **interjected his inner demon. Naruto sighed. There was no point arguing with the demon fox. Instead of returning his thoughts to Sasuke he began to pay attention to the meeting. 

Naruto realized when he threw his full attention into the meeting it was actually more boring then sitting around pretending to listen. Currently there were two old men arguing over a street dumpling policy. Naruto had always thought being Hokage was about being an elite Ninja but now he realized it was more about dealing with idiots spouting circular reasoning and rhetoric. Listening to these two old men banter over such a pointless argument was making Naruto frustrated. He started biting on his lower lip to prevent from bursting out but that strategy didn't work for long. 

"Would you just shut up?!" Naruto shouted across the table. Everyone in the room instantly turned to stare at him. "Do you realize how stupid this is? You're arguing about dumplings! There are Ninja's out on missions risking their lives for this village while you sit here arguing over dumplings!"

"Naruto I don't think you understand how much trouble the dumpling carts are causing on the main road." One of the old men replied. This only made him angrier. 

"I don't think you understand. Konoha Ninja's are fighting as we speak. They could be dying. They could be dead!" It was something Naruto didn't want to admit. There was a strong possibility that Sasuke would not be returning to Konoha, that the mission he was on would be his last. "I have nothing against dumplings, in fact I love them, but I think we should leave the dumplings venders alone and talk about something more important." 

"Ok, Naruto you have our attention. What do you want to talk about?" Naruto looked down at the meeting agenda. 

"How about the proposal to update the quality of the ANBU armor?" The old man laughed. 

"You really are quite young and foolish Naruto. ANBU in Konoha's most elite ninja force giving them more advanced armor would be a waste of resources." Before the man had anytime to react a Naruto's fist collided with his face. 

"I bet that hurt and I was going easy on you. Enemies don't go easy on you. I don't care what the cost is when people's lives are on the line!" The entire room stared at him. A few of the younger members clapped but that was soon overtaken by an awkward silence. When Naruto looked at the old man he had just hit glaring up at him in pain he realized maybe his approach wasn't correct. Quietly he took the silence as his queue to leave. 

---

Sakura was too busy taking care of patients to talk to him but luckily Iruka-sensei was on lunch break. Naruto sat across from his former teacher eating instant ramen. 

"It's unusual for you to be out of meetings before lunch. Thanks for stopping by I'm glad to have the company." 

"Sensei, is it possible to be sexually frustrated after only having sex once?" Iruka-sensei rolled his eyes.

"What have you done now?"

"I _might_ have hit one of the elders during a meeting." 

"Naruto!" 

"It's not my fault he totally deserved it!" 

"Not everyone thinks as highly as Sasuke as you do, but that doesn't mean you have to hit them!" 

"What makes you think it was about Sasuke?"

"What else would make you suddenly decide to hit one of the elders?" Naruto looked down sheepishly at his ramen. 

"We got into an argument over which issue was more important, street dumplings or new armor." 

"I have noticed that dumpling carts have been causing some havoc on the main street." The former teacher said scratching his chin.

"Sensei!" 

"I'm only kidding Naruto relax. I know this might be hard for you to understand but all of those old men in the room with you lived through the great war. They haven't forgotten how important armor is, they've just been away from battle so long that they've forgotten what it's like to have friends lives on the line." Naruto looked solemnly down at the remains of his lunch. "Don't worry," the teacher said, reaching out to rub his former students head. "Sasuke will be back soon" 

"Not until Saturday." Grumbled the blond "I'll be lucky if I haven't been exiled by then." Iruka laughed from across the table.

"Don't worry Naruto, Tsunade won't exile you. Everyone has wanted to hit one of those senile old men at one point or another." 

---

"Don't worry Naruto, I'm not going to exile you. Everyone has wanted to hit one of those senile old men at one point or another. I'm just sorry I wasn't the one to do it." Tsunade explained to Naruto when he decided his best strategy was to apologize to the Hokage. "I don't think I've been fair to you though Naruto."

"That's alright, I'm just glad I'm not being exiled." 

"I think I might be partially at fault for your mistake this morning." 

"What do you mean?" questioned to blond. 

"You're a ninja. It must be frustrating for you to be forced to stay here in the village while all your peers are getting sent on missions. In the past few months I've sent Sakura on more missions then you. That's why I've decided to send you on a mission Naruto."

"YES! Thank you Tsunade!"

"I think it will help you release some pent up stress. You're team mates will be Sakura and Sai." _That won't be awkward_ thought Naruto. "I've seen how well you guys work as a team and I think it's the right team for the mission. I would have put the old team seven back together, but I think having Sasuke on the team would be a conflict of interest." Naruto wondered how much the Hokage knew about his and Sasuke's relationship. Could she have seen their entire encounter through that crystal ball of hers? "I don't think Sasuke is much of a team player anymore." _Was he ever?_ Naruto thought through a sigh of relief. "Be ready to leave the village by Sunday morning" 

"Sure thing." Naruto said through a smile before leaving her office. Sunday morning meant he still had one night with Sasuke then god knows how long with Sakura and Sai. Naruto headed over to Iruka-sensei to share the good news. 

---

Naruto and his former teacher sat eating with vim. "I'm not getting exiled!" the blond cried out holding up his glass.

"Kanpai!" the schoolteacher replied holding up his own glass before taking a drink. "I don't understand how you can eat ramen for two meals a day Naruto." 

"Years of training." He said facing his former teacher. "You still have much to learn. There are many different varieties of Ramen so it's like eating a different food every time. There's takayama ramen, tonkotsu ramen, kitakata ram…" 

"I can read the menu from here thanks Naruto." Iruka said cutting him off. "You're as passionate about ramen as you are about Sasuke."

"Hey! I am only having sex with Sasuke because I'm a dumb ass, don't bring ramen into this." 

"Its just ramen." Instantly Naruto brought his hands to both sides of his ramen bowl as if covering invisible ears. 

"It's ok honey, the mean man didn't mean it." 

"Does Tsunade still have you going to meetings the rest of this week?" 

"Yeah, but not as many, for some reason she seemed hesitant to send me to any." 

"Who would have thought?" Iruka responded sarcastically. 

"The real question is what happened between you and Kakashi-sensei it's been almost a week and you won't tell me anything."

"I told you everything Naruto, all he did was ask me for advice about teaching. Not everyone goes at it like you and Sasuke. I can't believe you honestly believe doing this won't screw up your already fragile friendship."

"It's different, it was only the one time, and your not even supposed to know about it." Naruto said sticking his tongue out in mocking. 

"I'm glad you're handling this like a mature adult." 

"Hey! Sasuke is attracted to my child-like charm." 

"Is that right?" The schoolteacher said through a raised eyebrow. 

"No, I think he's just using me for sex."

"It's good to see that at least you're keeping this in a realistic perspective." 

"So, what advise do you have for me this time sensei?" Naruto asked hopefully. 

"No, no advise this time. This time you're on your own." 

"Come on, pleeeeease!" The blonde begged. 

"Why don't you quit this Naruto?! Sasuke's heartless, all he will do is leave you broken and hurt." 

"Come off it Iruka sensei, I know it's just sex." 

"If it's just sex find someone else!" His former teacher pleaded with him. 

"I can't help it, it's like I want to fast-forward my life to the parts where he's in it."

"Sounds like it's more then just sex." Iruka said defeated as he settled his bill and stood up. The younger boy scrambled to pay his own bill before running after the teacher. 

"He's also my best friend!" Naruto exclaimed smiling up at his teacher. 

"You really are naïve, do you know that Naruto." The teacher said as he smacked the back of the blonde's head. Naruto reached up and started rubbing the spot the older man had hit. Iruka reached his hand up again and started rubbing the top of the younger ninja's head. "When he leaves you devastated come to me alright?" 

"You sound so sure of yourself. How do you know it won't follow my clever plan?"

"Things are never so simple." 

**He's right, nothing is as straightforward as it seem. **"Shut up, shut up, shut up." Naruto muttered hitting his head. 

"What's wrong?" 

"The stupid fox won't stop talking."

"The Kyuubi talks to you?"

"Yeah, the difficult part is getting her to shut up" 

"Her?"

"He, she, it, I don't know what the fuck it is. I just want it to shut up and stop interfering during important meetings." **That you were daydreaming in the middle of. **"I do not daydream."

"I'm going to let you handle this alone, good luck with your meetings this week, come see me if you have time before your mission on Sunday." And with that Iruka sensei left.

---

The rest of the week was painful. It seemed as though everyone at every meeting he was in was staring at him except when they spoke. Whenever anyone spoke they looked away avoiding his gaze, as though afraid they would be next. Saturday couldn't come fast enough but it seemed as though the more he wished to fast forward time the longer it took for it to progress. Finally it was Friday night and although he had been invited over to Sakura's and Sai's for drinks he passed it up in order to get a good nights sleep and not be hung-over the next morning when Sasuke came. 

Saturday was completely free for Naruto which me meant most of the day training on the outskirts of town keeping a watchful eye for any approaching dark haired ninja's. To be fair Sasuke had never said when on Saturday he would be getting back, but Naruto was surprised when it was already sunset and there was still no sign of the Uchiha from the tree Naruto had parked out on. 

"Waiting for someone" A familiar deep voice, whispered into his ear from behind. Naruto jumped and turned to face his childhood friend. He was surprised to see him in a standard issue ANBU uniform. 

"We've only had sex once, has it already gotten so boring that you feel the need for costume?" 

"Hn, the Hokage insists on me wearing the uniform. I would rather go without this shitty armor."

"So basically you're saying it's time to improve the armor right?" Naruto asked hopefully. 

"I couldn't care less. All it does is weigh me down. What are really pissing me off are all the dumpling carts that are blocking up the main street. I would have figured they would settled that issue while I was gone unless some idiot interrupted the vote." The blonde's eye began to twitch. Sasuke looked over curiously at him. "What?" 

"Nothing" he said though gritted teeth. 

"Stop pouting and follow me." Sasuke said offering a hand to help Naruto off the branch, which the blonde happily accepted. Once they were in the safety of the tatami room Naruto let himself take in the whole of Sasuke's form, that's when he noticed a dark red stain up by the Uchiha's collar bone.

"You're hurt." Naruto whispered.

"I'm fine." 

"No you're not. I won't make you go to the hospital but just at least let me patch you up." 

"Hn." Was the only response the dark haired boy gave. Excitedly he hopped up and slid the door open.

"Where is the first-aid kit?"

"In the back store room." With that Naruto headed of down the hallway. After searching through nearly every door he finally found what he assumed was the back storeroom. It was a small cramped room with walls covered in shelves that were piled high with dusty old scrolls and boxes. Naruto started sifting through the boxes causing mounds of dust to go flying into the air. He coughed and continued to sift through antiques. 

"Are you quite finished in there?" shouted an annoyed voice from the other room. 

"Keep it in your pants! I just need to find this first-aid kit so you don't give me aids with your blood."

"You can get aids from sex too, usuratonkachi."

"Hold on I think I found something!" the blonde said completely ignoring the last statement. Naruto pulled on a box labeled with a red cross. Unfortunately the box seemed to be cemented to the dusty old shelf. While persuading it to come lose several scrolls around it fell to the floor. He bent over to pick up the dropped scrolls and noticed one of them had unrolled revealing a rather explicit drawing of what appeared to be a fox demon and raccoon demon mating. Naruto picked it up off the floor in an attempt to see it better under the poor ceiling lighting. It was no use, he could barely see the scroll and all the writing was in old Japanese. _I wish I had paid more attention in class_. 

"What are you looking at?" a deep voice asked from the doorway. 

"Nothing!" He said too quickly as he rolled the scroll. "Just had a hard time moving the box." Sasuke reached over him and effortlessly lifted the box off the shelf.

"Come on dobe." He said coldly as left the room with the box in hand. 

"I could have done it myself." Naruto grumbled mainly to himself. He tucked the scroll into the pocket of his jacket and followed Sasuke out the door. When he entered the room Sasuke was already kneeing on the floor removing the layers on the upper part of his body leaving only a fishnet shirt. It took a little more work for the dark haired boy to remove this layer so Naruto busied him self with riffling through the medical kit. 

"Are you going to patch me up or what?" Sasuke asked sitting on the floor a mere foot away from him. 

"Sure thing." Naruto had watched Sakura clean wounds almost everyday, and even though he had done it a fair number of times himself, he began to wish for her expert hands. Slowly he spread the antiseptic over the wound. Most patients yelled or wiggled in discomfort when having their cuts cleaned but Sasuke did neither. Naruto riffled through the box again and found a roll of medical tape and gauze to cover the wound.

He leaned close to the cut in order to position the tape properly but as he did so Sasuke bent his neck forward and leaned into his ear. "Mind showing me that scroll you were planning on sneaking out of here?" Nervously Naruto jumped back away from the Uchiha. Defeated he reached into his jacket and handed the scroll to his childhood friend. Naruto sat cross-legged sheepishly trying to hide his red face as Sasuke unraveled the scroll. "It isn't important you can keep it." The dark haired boy said as he tossed the still open scroll back to Naruto. 

"Thanks, I was just kinda curious about it because of Kyuubi and all. It just looks like the picture inside it is me and Gaara's demons going at it." Naruto said laughing awkwardly. He looked up to see the other boys lips sink into a frown. "Not that I'm going to go at it with Gaara it's just…" he didn't get to finish his sentence because at that moment Sasuke's hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him across the room toward him. 

Naruto now sat in his friend's lap still clutching the scroll. Finally his wrist was released and he stretched out the scroll in front of him. Sasuke leaned forward and rested his chin on his shoulder staring down at the scroll. He wrapped an arm around Naruto's body and brought his hand to the scroll to point at one of the characters.

"Do you know what that kanji means." Sasuke said staring down at it. 

"What! You can read this?"

"Of course dobe, some of us paid attention during school." Naruto could feel the low voice resonate and send tingles down his spine. 

"What does it say?" he asked turning his head slightly to catch a glimpse at the boy behind him. 

"Wa."

"Oh, I know this one! That's the really old word China gave for Japan right?" 

"Ye, but it's not as simple as that. Some things that seem simple have multiple meanings." 

"What else does it mean?"

"Take a look at the kanji." Sasuke said pointing to it. "This part here means people, and this means grain, and under that…"

"I know that kanji, that's woman." Naruto said -a-factly. 

"So, do you know what it means now?" 

"Nope, you lost me at grain." The blond said turning just enough to let the other boy see the wide grin on his face. Although he couldn't see it he could practically feel the smirk forming on Sasuke's face as he leaned forward bringing his lips so close to his ear that he could feel the other man's breath. 

"It means obedient and submissive" Naruto's body shivered in response to the hiss in his ear. "I think we've wasted enough time getting side tracked." He pushed Naruto away and began to remove all that remained of his clothes. Shortly after recovering from the shock Naruto tossed the scroll aside and started removing his own clothes. Unfortunately he wasn't fast enough to beat Sasuke who sat there staring at him with his eyebrows raised as the blond struggled with his pants. 

"It's not fair, you had a head start." Finally he wore nothing but his necklace and his headband, which was awkward, but it seemed pointless to take it off at this point. Knowing that physical harm would come to him if he tried anything off task he crawled forward. Once he reached the dark haired boy he spread the others legs apart and crawl between them. Before starting on the task he had set himself to he took a deep breath and rested his forehead right above Sasuke's navel. 

"Cold" the boy hissed lifting the blonds head off his stomach and running his hands the gold locks to get to the knot that held the headband on. After releasing the knot Sasuke grabbed the headband and tossed it aside while pulling Naruto up to meet him face to face. They sat there practically nose to nose for a few seconds before the dark haired boy spoke. "There will be no need for that this time." Sasuke said before pushing him to the ground face first. Naruto cursed to himself for forgetting to get the tube back from Iruka-sensei. 

"Uh, Sasuke, I don't" 

"It's ok I'll use something from the medical kit." The dark haired boy said cutting him off as though reading his mind. Naruto laid there on his stomach blushing as he watched Sasuke coat himself with some kind of medical gel. He buried his head into a pillow in font of him as Sasuke's attention turned to him. He felt himself being lifted on to all fours, which he took as a cue to start supporting himself. He felt Sasuke bend over him also supporting himself on all fours. The position they were in was vaguely animalistic, like the drawing on the scroll. 

Without warning the dark hair boy pushed into him. There was a weird tingling sensation that he figured was from the medical gel Sasuke had used on himself. He wasn't sure if it strange or sensuous, he didn't have to think about it long as Sasuke started to move he decided quite firmly it was the latter.

Even though the position was less personal it felt more intimate. Instead of looking at Sasuke he felt him. He felt the way his hair brushed against him and his breath tingled the back of his neck. He felt the way the sweat rolled off the others body unto his own and the way the hands that were supporting the man above him occasionally bumped into his own as he moved inside him. Finally he couldn't take all the sensations any longer and it appeared Sasuke couldn't either. He felt the boy collapse on top of him after releasing inside of him. His own release came almost simultaneously as he too collapsed sending them both to the floor. 

"It would be pointless for you to go home this late." Sasuke said in a barely audible mutter. It wasn't a formal invitation but somehow Naruto suspected this was the closest he'd get to a request to stay over. 

"Mmm." He agreed snuggling his head into a pillow and closing his eyes, losing himself to the sound of Sasuke's breath and the smell of dirt, sweat, and blood,

all of which the Uchiha somehow made attractive and alluring. 

---

"Mmm, warm." Naruto muttered to himself as he unconsciously stretched his arm out toward the source of the heat. He felt his arm being moved rather forcibly away from the warmth. That caused his eyes to flutter open. "Uuuh." Naruto said sitting up slowly surveying the room that he was in. suddenly life hit him like a load of bricks, it was no longer Saturday night. It was Sunday morning. "SHIT!" 

---

A/N Old Japanese caused me so much pain and suffering. There is very little that I remember of it so I share Naruto's ignorance in this sense. My former classmates said it was as important for them to study it as it was for people like me (an American) to study Latin, which is to say studying it is useless. Something that is less useless to study is Poe (though I suppose you could argue either way) from whom I lovingly barrowed the epigraph. By the end of this story I'll probably have used every famous epigraph in western literature so you will be very well educated. Also to further your knowledge (if you even read this bit) I thought it might be interesting to mention the original title of this story was going to be Junshin, which means Simplicity (duh) and naïveté. I scratched that idea because I thought it was pretentious also because the word has connotations of purity and chastity that was perhaps too ironic for this story. Thanks for reading! 

-Wensleydale (not just a town in the north of England)

…and because I'm still completely ignorant to the ways of the interweb: (but I did get a picture up on my profile)

icecreamXD: yeah, I should know Kakashi's name, unfortunately obscure Japanese words don't come up on my spell check so I'll have to try harder to catch it.

miyori: Kakashi's name has become the bane of my existence. I wonder how fast I can kill him off… just kidding I swear! Thanks for pointing it out I'll try to be more careful.

xxxmystery: thankyou, I plan to keep writing more… unless I get hit by a bus, which, now that I think about it, is a distinct possibility. 

ori again: hey ori, again, (sorry that was a cheap joke) thanks so much! I'm never sure if I'm writing awesomeness or crap, the most I can hope for is a few good lines. I edited this one fairly carefully so hopefully I won't regret something a few chapters down the road. 

sosickofnyquil: I myself am fond of Dayquil, but mostly because Nyquil doesn't work with roommates. I know the attachment scale is a little weighted on Naruto's end but someone has to be emotionally involved. Hopeful Sasuke seemed more attached this chapter.

Shadowphoenix: it is my personal opinion that inner demons (both literal and figurative) are always suspect. As to what it's up to, I don't know yet. World domination perhaps? (cue pinky and the brain music)

Kai: It would be a very short story if Naruto just stood up and said "nope, not really my cup of tea, see you around." I get your distance thing though, I'm not sure I'm a strong enough writer to create love from distance, might be fun to try later on.

Black-dranzer-1119: Thankyou, thankyou very much. Your words flatter me greatly. I hope this update came out in good time. 


	4. Chapter 4

-Chapter 4-

---

"SHIT!" immediately Naruto stood up and started collecting his clothes from around the room. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck!" now he was hopping on one foot attempting to pull on his pants and roll the scroll at the same time.

"Is the yelling necessary?" Sasuke's annoyed voice groaned as he sat up.

"It wouldn't be fucking necessary if you got a mother fucking alarm clock! Don't say anything to that, I don't want to hear any messed up shit about not needing a fucking clock when you are fucking one with your mind or whatever the fucking-hell-shit you said." Sasuke choose to ignore him and fall back on the futon clutching his head. "Where's my fucking headband?!" He looked over at Sasuke who pointed across the room. 

"Forget becoming hokage you should become a sailor, you certainly have the mouth of one." Groaned Sasuke barely audibly. 

"Fuck I'm so late!" The blonde haired boy yelled as he ran out the door grabbing the last item that belong to him, which happened to be the headband Sasuke threw halfway across the room. He tied it as he slipped on his sandals that proceeded to sprint into town. 

---

"I'm so sorry I'm late!" Naruto yelled as he burst into the hokage's office. Not only did he have to make it all the way into the village, he also had to grab his pack from his flat. To make things worse he didn't know what his mission was yet so he had no idea how much to pack and how long for. 

"It's ok, I was just about to explain the mission." He looked over to see Sakura and Sai already standing there. "As I was explaining I've sent a very elite ninja out to complete a mission over a week ago and they haven't returned. It is your mission to follow their trail and either make sure they are on task, or confirm that they are dead. I've already given Sai a sheet of information about your target. You will take of in the direction of sand" 

"What about the mission they were sent to do, do we get to take it over." Naruto asked hopefully.

"Absolutely not! I've already assigned the mission to another ninja."

"So, basically we get to do nothing." 

"Just because you aren't fighting enemies or defending people doesn't mean you are doing nothing."

"This is insulting, why us? Why not send a search and rescue team?" 

"Because I'm sending you! You maybe a ninja, but I am your hokage! Get going before I change my mind and keep you here." Before Naruto could argue Sakura put a hand over his mouth and pulled him out the door. 

"What the hell are you trying to pull in there Naruto?" She whispered harshly. "Not everything is a competition between you and Sasuke. Are you so shallow that you need an s ranked mission to prove your worth. It's your duty as a ninja to this village to except the missions given to you." She pulled him back into the room and shoved his head down so he was bowing. "Naruto is very sorry, so if you don't mind, we will get going to take advantage of the light." Without getting to defend himself he was pulled out of the room again this time with Sai following behind. 

The group reached the edge of town in no time. When they stepped through the gate Sakura let go of him and leapt up into the trees. Sai followed suit and Naruto, after shaking out his shoulder from the lingering feeling of Sakura's oppressive grip, also leapt effortlessly off the ground into the trees. 

The trail was easy to follow, almost deliberately so. Naruto glided gracefully from tree to tree barely touching one before pushing off to the next. He looked over at Sai and Sakura who were stealing glances at each other as they too jumped through the trees. _Not as awkward as I thought. _Naruto hated this kind of mission, he wasn't sure what he was looking for and there was far too much time to get lost inside his own thoughts as he traveled silently through the forest. 

He had forgotten how fast time goes by when on a mission. In order to prevent himself from thinking about Sasuke he began to come up with an address he would give at the next council meeting that presented the armor issue in a slightly more tactful way than punching one of the elders in the face. He was thinking of a compromise for the dumpling issue when the sun began to set, and had nearly polished his clever plan to get the ANBU bill voted on when Sai gave the signal to set down on the forest floor and make camp. 

He looked over at Sakura who was exhausted from the days travel then over to Sai who looked completely emotionless as usual. "I'm going to go get fire wood, look after Sakura." He finally said leaving Naruto and Sakura alone. 

"I'm sorry." Sakura said through heavy breathes. "I'm a little out of shape. I'm surprised you aren't tried as well, it's been awhile since you've been on a mission." She looked up at him. 

"Yeah I guess it's been awhile, but I keep up with my training" He grinned. 

"Naruto I'm sorry about earlier." Sakura said looking away shamefully. 

"Don't worry about it, you actually kinda saved me back there!" They both looked up to see Sai standing there with an armload of firewood. 

"Let me help you!" Sakura said excitedly standing up too quickly before falling to the ground. Sai dropped the wood on the ground and crouched down to help her. "I'm ok, just a little tired." Sai stared seriously at her before standing up. 

"I'm going to check the surrounding area to make sure it's safe. Fox face, please set up the fire and take care of Sakura." Sai said before disappearing into the forest. 

"Isn't he the sweetest?" Sakura asked with sparkling eyes. 

"Yeah, right, but I'm not sure about the new nickname." Naruto grumbled stacking the wood. 

"Have you been hanging out with Sasuke when he's in town?" the pink haired girl asked innocently. 

Naruto turned away from her to hide his embarrassment. Even though it was dark and he didn't have the fire started yet he was cautious because of a theory he had about woman sensing shame the way animals smelled fear. "Yeeeeah, he isn't around too much but we try to make time for each other, and by try to make time for each other I mean I go out of my way to make time for him when he's in town." Sakura giggled. Naruto hated giggling. 

"I bet he's the same old Sasuke" he scratched her chin and added to her claim "maybe a little bit bigger."

"A lot bigger!" Naruto answered excitedly before his mind caught up with his mouth. When he finally realized what he had said he turned bright red. "uuh, I mean he's gotten really tall, maybe half a head taller then me." He followed up scratching his cheek with nervousness. He was glad when Sakura choose to move unto a new topic.

"Are you feeling better about this mission now?" 

"Yeah, I guess it's just good to get out of the village. I think you're right I put too much stress on the level of the mission. I just want to be taken seriously and it's hard to feel like I'm being useful when I'm sitting around in meetings all day and taking care of bratty children. I mean, you get to save lives, and what do I do, I argue about dumplings all day." 

"Yeah, I was wondering, what's going to happen with all the carts blocking up the main street?" Naruto almost fell over and Sakura let out a laugh. "Sorry, I couldn't help it Tsunade told me that's a bit of a sore spot for you lately."

"Than don't poke it!" Naruto said in mock annoyance as he finally go the fire started. 

"Naruto, what you do is very important, and one day when you're hokage everyone will look to you not only to crush the bad guy but on little stuff like how to control stray cats and regulate dumpling carts and you'll be brilliant." 

"You really think I can become hokage?" before she could answer Sai returned. Silently the dark haired ninja crouched down to check the pulse on Sakura's neck. 

"Are you ok now?" 

"I'm spectacular." She whispered and she leaned he head upward to place a soft kiss on his lips. Naruto tried to look away but the moment was over before he had the chance. Sai took out a map and rolled it out on the ground in the glow of the fire. 

"I've been mapping out progress all day." He pointed to a star he had made on the paper. "We should be about here." He moved his finger forward a good few inches. "This point here is where our target last reported from. Tomorrow we'll continue on to there and look for evidence of tracks in that general area." He looked up and met Naruto's eyes. "You'll be in charge of the map tomorrow. I will look after Sakura, it's important that she conserve enough chakura because there is a strong possibility our target will be injured when we find them." Naruto nodded. 

"We should all get rest now, tomorrow is going to be a long day." Sakura comment. 

"I agree." And with that his two team members stood up and prepared to sleep.

---

Naruto sat by the remaining embers that were slowing disappearing before his eyes. He looked over at Sakura and Sai who were cuddled together. He watched as Sai ran his fingers though Sakura's pink hair. He noticed how she smiled at the feeling of his touch and snuggled closer. He felt a pang of jealousy and turned back to the dying embers then finally at the map that Sai left with him. 

He placed his finger on the mark Sai made to indicate their current position and traced a line back to Konoha. His finger slowed as it circled around the place on the edge of town he was quickly become familiar with. When he closed his eyes he could almost imagine Sasuke meditating in the first tatami room. Sasuke's complacent face was so vivid in his mind, he felt as though he could reach out and touch it. Suddenly the imaginary figure's eyes shot open staring back at him. In a moment of shock he opened his eyes as he did so the figure of Sasuke dissolved in his mind. He sighed and fell back onto the cold ground.

He stared up at the sky. The leaves on the canopy of the trees above him obscured his vision of the stars. Frustrated he turned his head to the side and closed his eyes. He imagined Sasuke beside him. The vision he created was so vivid that he could almost feel heat radiating of it. The image of a Sasuke twitched slightly. Naruto reached out to brush the Uchiha's hair out of his face. The imaginary Sasuke groaned. "Nnn, ursuratonkachi, I'm trying to sleep." He muttered before turning away from him exposing his bare back. There was a tattoo on the dark haired man's left shoulder that he didn't recognize but he smiled when he saw it. _The Uchiha symbol. _It was suited him. His fingers reached out and traced it. He was surprised that the figure didn't flinch but only sighed. Too quickly the image began to dissolve. _No, please, just a bit longer. _

"Naruto wake up." 

"Nnn, no please just one more minute." 

"Naruto we have to get going." The blonde opened his eyes to see the forest illuminated in sunshine. _How on earth did it get to be morning? _He sat up and looked around watching Sai covering the evidence of their stay. "We picked up tracks headed north. If this dry heat keeps up they should be easy to follow." Naruto nodded and stood up. Sai finished his task and walked over to them. 

"We should get going." He and Sakura nodded in agreement before pushing off the ground into the trees. 

---

Most of the day went smoothly. Naruto plotted their path as they jumped through the trees. Their good luck didn't last much longer. It started to drizzle. Each drop felt heavy. Soon the trees were damp enough that it became hard to land with entire safety so the team set down on the ground in order to conserver energy and chakura. Naruto looked down at the map quickly before closing it to protect it from the rain. "We're within 15 minutes of the point our target last reported from, if we move quickly we should be able to make it there before we lose the trail." 

They continued onward for a few more minutes but then suddenly the rain came crashing down on them making it impossible to continue following the trail. In the distance Naruto could make out a small shack that looked promising.

"It looks like the trail lead up to that abandon house, why don't we check it out? " the blond ninja yelled over the pounding of the rain. 

"Sounds like a good idea" Sakura yelled back. As soon as they entered the house they felt sudden relief to be out of the rain. The house was fairly small and sparse. It looked as though it had been abandoned for a long time. They paced around the main room that couldn't have been more then 20 feet long. They noticed small droplets of water were beginning fall from the ceiling. 

"Looks like a leak." Sai said in his normal emotionless manor. "It looked as though there was an attic from the outside, I'll go check it out." Sai left leaving him and Sakura alone in the room. 

"It doesn't look too bad." The pink haired girl stuck her hand under the leak to catch a droplet of water. Her eyes went wide as she looked down at her hand. "Naruto, is it normal for rain to be red?" she asked looking up at him but he was already staring at a slowly expanding crimson watermark on the ceiling. 

"Why do I suspect this mission is going to be far more complicated then Tsunade anticipated?"

---

A/N I'm in a rather peculiar circumstance I've never been in before, I have more alerts and than reviews. This isn't a bad thing. I think it follows a very popular view that is held in American politics; better seen than heard. I'm only kidding I love hearing from you guys, but I think I will take my own advise and forgo the review responses this time. I will get back to you all eventually (and hopefully without taking up story space). I don't care if you review, alert, favorite, or just read, as long as people are still enjoying the story I'll keep writing it.

I know this chapter was incredibly short and I left off at a rather cruel place but I promise the next will be up soon. 

-Wensleydale (the preferred cheese of Wallace and Gromit)


	5. Chapter 5

-Chapter 5-

"Sai." Sakura screamed and ran out into the pouring rain. Naruto ran after her. "There's a hole in the roof, I think we can go through!" she yelled over the loud clapping of the rain. They jumped effortlessly up to the roof and down the large gapping hole in the roof. The first thing he noticed was Sai's silhouette inspecting the scene then finally he saw past him. 

The sight was gruesome. The floor was covered in limbs and blood. He looked over at Sakura who was holding her hand over her mouth. The water from the hole was spreading toward the center of the room where the bulk of the mess was. Shoved to the edge near the walls were torsos of the victims. Some still had an arm or a leg. Their remaining limbs were twisted in an unnatural way. On closer inspection there was evidence that rats had began gnawing away at the dead flesh. There was a thick trail of blood that ran from the bodies to the center of the cramped attic where the limbs layed in a strange arrangement. 

Sai cautiously stepped toward them and crouched down inspecting an arm. He moved to lift it but Naruto stopped him. "Don't move them" Sai looked up at him questioningly. 

"Naruto is right, they look they are arranged to form some sort of character. It looks familiar, like old Japanese, but I can't recognize it." Naruto's eye's widened in horror before he spoke. 

"Wa, it's the Kanji wa." He said it barely above a whisper but he knew he was heard over the pouring rain. Sakura pulled herself together and started inspecting the torsos. 

"Who ever did this pulled the victims limbs off them why they were still alive." Sakura's voice shook as she spoke. "Naruto, Sai come help me inspect these bodies."

"Why can't we let the dead lie?" Naruto asked as he cautiously walked toward her. 

"We still have a mission. We have to confirm none of these are our target." Sai was already inspecting a torso that still had an arm and a leg attached. 

"Look." Sai Said pointing down at the ground near the body. He and Sakura abandon their tasks to see what Sai was pointing to. On the ground there was a sentence written shakily in blood. The blood was dry but the characters had started to run as they mixed with the water from the rain. 

"Evil is Wednesday" Naruto read. 

"Not Wednesday, water, it's referring to the actual character not the day it represents, 'evil is water.'" She concluded "look at their finger, it looks as though it was dipped in blood. They must have written it as they were dying as a clue, now we have a lead. 

"Yeah, a vague one." Naruto grumbled, "I still think it's Wednesday." 

"Lets not get ahead of ourselves, first we check the rest of bodies for our target" Sai said as he stood up and turned over another body. They spent the next hour in vain. There were no further clues and none of the bodies matched the picture of their target. Afterwards they pitched a tent outside the shack. It was a consensus that was established silently between them that they wouldn't sleep in the shack that was leaking blood. 

Sakura and Sai settled in together leaving Naruto alone on the other side of the tent. No dreams of Sasuke came that night; only terrible thoughts about the character constructed with human limbs. "Obedient and submissive." He muttered to himself remembering Sasuke's words that at the time seemed seductive but now were cryptic. 

--- 

The next morning Naruto woke up in a fit of coughs. He opened the tent to see outside. The rain had stopped but there was still a grey cloud that hovered in the distance. 

"Looks like fog." Sakura's voice said as she peered her head out next to his. Naruto smelled the air and looked down at the ground and picked up a pile of soot that had collected by the flap of the tent. 

"It's not fog, it's ash." He responded calmly. 

" How could that be, it just rained yesterday there couldn't have been a forest fire." 

"It means the forest didn't just catch on fire, someone did this."

"Who could do such a thing?" Naruto stared off to the source of the ash. He could have sworn when the wind blew it revealed a silhouette that looked suspiciously like a certain Uchiha. 

"I don't think the question is who, the question why." 

"I think we know the ninja the Hokage reassigned to out targets mission." Sai said poking his head out between Sakura and Naruto. 

" That Tsunade has a twisted sense of humor." Naruto added. 

---

They packed up their camp as quickly as they could then went off in the direction of the ash. Even though the ground was wet they managed to make it to the spot where Naruto had seen the silhouette earlier. Unsurprisingly the figure had moved but due to the shear amount of ash on the ground they had left a clear trail. They followed it deep into the woods until they saw a shadow of a human. Instantly they all ducked behind trees. Naruto peeked around to stare at the man. Even though the figure was wearing a mask there was no mistake who it was. The spikes of the Uchiha's hair were dusted with ash. Finally the figure turned, took off the mask, and stared straight into his eyes. 

"It's pointless to hide. I could feel you coming." Naruto was the first one to emerge and approach Sasuke. The dark haired man continued to stare at him until he was standing right in front of him. "Let me give you a piece of advice." Sasuke leaned close to him. "Orange isn't very stealthy." Naruto felt like punching the other boy but before he could raise his arm he felt Sakura's hand on his arm. He looked at her to see her shaking her head. He sighed and gave up. "What are you doing here dobe?" that was enough to set Naruto off again. 

"That's my line!" he shoved Sakura off him. "You can't just burn down forests."

"I happen to be on a mission, I didn't think they let idiots like you out of the village." 

"Teme, I'm a ninja too, don't talk down to me!" Naruto was about to launch another fist but this time it was caught by Sai. The emotionless man turned to Sasuke and took out their mission scroll. 

"We are looking for this man, I assume you know something about what happened to him." 

"Hn." Sasuke smirked. "I'm after the man who captured him." 

"So he's still alive?"

"It would seem so, according to the research I conducted before leaving the village he only kills on Wednesdays the rest of the week he lives life like an ordinary citizen and is impossible to track, it seems as though he doesn't remember the murders he commits." Naruto leaned over to Sakura and whispered. 

"I was right." Sakura choose to ignore Naruto's gloating.

"What's his name?" she asked.

"Senda Mizu." 

"Nahanaha!" (1) Naruto yelled waving his arms in the air and received two swift hits to his head in response. The only one who didn't look annoyed was Sai who stood there looking confused. 

"Stop being an idiot this is serious." Sakura groaned. "And for the record I was right, his name is Mizu." She said with a wink. 

"If he only attacks on Wednesday what are you doing today?" Sai asked.

"He has multiple bases, I've been destroying them one by one forcing him into one." Sasuke replied coolly. Even though everyone else seemed to be taking it calmly Naruto was having a hard time handling this new information. _He has more then one? What else did he spell out? How many people has he killed? _"I have one more to destroy in the direction you came from. I believe you must have found it." 

"Where is the final base?" Naruto asked. Sasuke glared back at him staring him down. 

"You didn't really know much about this mission before taking it did you?" Naruto glared back. 

"Teme, answer the question!" 

"All I know is it's an old abandon mansion. I haven't been able to track it down yet, he keeps it well hidden" _a mansion shouldn't be too hard to find_. Naruto thought to himself. "It's where he keeps all his prisoners. Your target should be there along with several other prisoners. He should lead us there tomorrow, we just have to wait this one out." _oh great more waiting. _Naruto groaned. As if sensing Naruto's impatience Sasuke leaned forward and whispered something barely above a whisper only audible to the blonde. "I think we can managed to pass the time." With that Sasuke turned and walked away. "I'm staying at the ryokan in the local village. Meet me there later this evening and we can go over the plan for tomorrow." 

"Lets get going" Sai said taking off in the opposite direction. Naruto stared off in Sasuke's direction. _Is he seriously thinking of doing it in the middle of a mission?_ He felt Sakura tug on his collar and drag him in Sai's direction. 

"We still have work to do. For one we have to confirm that it's ok to release all the prisoners, not just our target. We have to reach the village and contact Tsunade." 

They walked in the direction of the village that Naruto managed to locate on the map. As they walked Naruto tried to spark conversation. "You know what's really terrifying about this guy?" 

"Because ripping limbs off people while they are still alive and arranging them into characters isn't terrifying enough." Sakura replied sarcastically. 

"It's the fact that he doesn't remember, like he's being controlled, I mean who rips people limbs off and goes on living normally?" Sai finally broke his concentration to end the conversation.

"That isn't really our concern. We're just here to retrieve our target, we should leave the rest to Sasuke" Naruto wanted to argue but he stopped himself and followed behind his two teammates. 

"I hope they have a bath, I smell like blood." 

---

There was a bath but there was no Sasuke. For hours they waited around at the inn without any indication that he would be coming. He left Sakura and Sai handle contacting Tsunade and working on the mission report. Without asking for permission Naruto moved his stuff into the room Sasuke had checked into. It was almost a challenge to Sasuke, but he was beginning to believe he would be spending the night in the room alone.

They didn't see the Uchiha until they had already sat down to eat. He made quite an entrance, flinging the door open and swiftly taking a seat with a trail of ash following behind him. They had pretty much discussed the plan by the time food arrived so they spent the rest of the meal enjoying the feeling of being clean, dry and relatively safe.

Naruto was enjoying his meal particularly. Their server, unaware of his demon, flirted shamelessly with him. When she poured his tea she purposely brushed against his shoulder and revealed tremendous amounts of cleavage. Instead of looking down at it he looked over at Sasuke who was ignoring the situation entirely. Subtly was clearly not in this girl's vocabulary. "You have such pretty hair!" She giggled. He hated giggling. 

"Thanks, I think" Naruto managed to stammer out, as he did Sasuke stood up abruptly. 

"I'm going to the bath house." He left the room so quickly that he had forgotten his sword. Naruto pushed away the young server to pick up Sasuke's sword but by the time he slid the door open Sasuke had had disappear. _I'll bring it to him later_. 

"Actually, I think I'm going to head to bed, big day tomorrow and all" he stood up carrying the sword and left. He walked down the narrow hallways past people dressed in yukatas. He slid the door open to his and Sasuke's room. He loved the way the others stuff mingled perfectly with his own. He smiled and sat down on the floor, still holding the sword. For a moment he wondered what he should do but inspiration hit him. Slowly he pulled the sword from its scabbard but he had barely gotten 6 inches out when he was interpreted. 

"It's rude to touch other people's stuff." Sasuke stood in the doorway in the same clothes he had been wearing at dinner. 

"You didn't go take a bath." 

"I know I lied." The dark haired boy replied calmly. 

"Where did you go?" 

"It's none of your business." Sasuke replied shortly. That ended the conversation abruptly for a few seconds. 

"Did you kill someone?" Naruto asked innocently. 

"No, no I just went outside. Happy?" 

"Very" He grinned up at his childhood friend. Sasuke returned his innocent grin with a smug one. He felt himself being pulled from the ground and shoved against a wall. Sasuke reached over to unzip his jacket but then abandon the task halfway through and reached for his pants. Finally the other man managed to get them off with some assistance as they got closer to the ground. What ever he had been expecting it wasn't what happened next. Instead of disrobing himself Sasuke just pulled down his own pants, pulled Naruto's legs up over his hips, and slowly started to push in. 

Naruto let out a cry of pain as the other boy pushed into him with agonizing slowness. "Aaa, quit it teme that hurts, you can't just fuck me dry at least spit on it of something." 

"Just relax." Sasuke groaned.

"I can't fucking relax I'm in pain! This is hardly romantic." 

"Good, because I'm not romancing you." With that Sasuke made a quick thrust putting himself entirely in the blonde. A single tear of pain formed at the edge of his eye. Unfortunately his rival didn't over look this. "Aw, are you going to cry?" 

"Let me shove a dry stick up your ass and see if you feel any better." Naruto replied trying to hide his face while pushing Sasuke away. His efforts didn't help him very much the dark haired boy seemed determined so instead of continuing to fight back Naruto leaned his head back against the wall and tried to enjoy the feeling of being pounded against it over and over. 

The only thing that aroused him about this situation was the look on his rivals face until that too was taken away from him when Sasuke moved so that there cheeks rubbed up against each other with each thrust. He thought that would be enough to send him over the edge but it wasn't, so he leaned there held up entirely by Sasuke who was starting to lose strength causing them to slide down the wall. Finally Sasuke finished and they slid down to the floor in a heap.

Naruto thought it would be great to have Sasuke Climax before him but he found that it just left him in an uncomfortable position. Finally Sasuke pulled out of him and looked up and wiped the collected water from the edge of his eye. The Uchiha slowly began to pull off his orange jacket. "What are you doing?" Naruto whispered. 

'We need to finish you off too right? I'm up for another round." Sasuke said with a smirk that made Naruto blush. Sasuke began to strip himself as Naruto watched. Finally the dark haired boy looked up at him. "Want to help, or do I have to buy you flowers and take you out to dinner?" Naruto replied by removing the last of his own clothes and leaning over to Sasuke. He pulled up the hem of the black turtleneck that he wore under the armor he had already removed. He let Sasuke handle the complicated unwrapping that was required in the removal of his pants. He tried to get a good look at Sasuke's back but the other boy kept moving. Finally he reached out and held Sasuke still and looked over his left shoulder. _Nothing, it's not there._

"Usuratonkachi, what are you doing?" 

"Uh, nothing sorry." Naruto stammered and backed away. Luckily Sasuke didn't press the issue choosing to grab Naruto instead. And so they moved into their second round. 

--- 

The aftermath of the act still hovered above them as Sasuke reached for his clothes and pulled out a cigarette but before he could light it Naruto leaned over and pulled it out of mouth and gave a disapproving look, he now had idea of where Sasuke went earlier. "You shouldn't smoke it's bad for you." 

"No shit." He said reaching for another but surprisingly the blond dove faster. He waved them in front of Sasuke grinning. "Stop being and idiot and give them back."

"Ask nicely" Naruto said smugly.

"Can I have them back please?" Naruto was pleased with the control he had. 

"Eh, I don't know." Sasuke reached to grab them but ended up with a rock instead. 

"Usuratonkachi, why would you use a replacement jitsu on something like that?" Sasuke grumbled half embarrassed and half annoyed. "It's not like I smoke all the time." 

"When do you smoke?" The blonde said, leaning in close.

"When I need to relax." 

"And why do you need to relax right now. I can think of a better way then smoking if you're so desperate." Naruto grinned. 

"I need to relax because I'm trying to think and you're making that REALLY hard right now!" Sasuke yelled at him. Finally Naruto caved and threw the box over. Sasuke quickly pulled out another cigarette and lit it before Naruto could stop him. After the first intake Sasuke leaned back supporting him self and let out a smoke filled breath. He looked calmer. Naruto hated to admit it but Sasuke looked pretty cool sitting there lost in thought. 

"When did you start smoking?" Sasuke turned to look at him with cold eyes. 

"Right after I stopped caring if I lived of died." There was a long pause as Sasuke took in a second breath. Seemingly satisfied he put out the cigarette in his hand and reached over to put the box back in his pants.

"Out of curiosity was that before or after the whole brother thing?" Naruto asked hopefully, not really expecting a reply. 

"I think it was right after I met you." Sasuke said coldly. Naruto sat there staring at Sasuke in shock. " It's a joke dobe." Naruto tried not to let his relief show.

"Teme, what mean thing to say to me, you definitely owe me for that one." 

"What did you have in mind?" Sasuke's voice was pure seduction, it made it very hard to stay on task. 

"I want you to read what's on this scroll to me." He said pulling out the scroll he had gotten from the Uchiha compound. 

"Not that stupid scroll again." Sasuke said rolling his eyes. "I told you, it's worthless." 

"I'll decide that thanks" Naruto said indignantly. He looked over at Sasuke who was grinning evilly. 

"Actually this might be kind of fun. Where do you want me to start from?" he said unrolling the scroll. 

"The beginning of the section right before the picture." Naruto said blushing. Sasuke cleared his throat and began to read.

" 'How can I have an orgasm? Well it's two questions really. How can I have an orgasm, and how can I have orgasm with my partner? The shorts answers are masturbate and then, show your partner how you masturbate. Masturbation is the shortest rout to discovering your own orgasm. Don't bother trying to simulate intercourse when you masturbate- most women need some kind of clitoral stimulation in order to climax and most intercourse positions don't provide that. One position you might suggest to your partner is one commonly used by demons in Japan.' " (2) As he read it Sasuke circled the character. " 'This position, depicted below, allows your partner better access and more control during sex which gives you a greater chance of achieving an orgasm.' " Naruto tried his hardest to keep a face straight when Sasuke looked up at him. "Do you want me to continue?" Sasuke said smugly. 

He couldn't hold it in any longer. He burst out laughing. Some how he managed to speak through fits of laughter "yes, yes, please keep reading." Through the tears that had formed in his eyes due to the intensity of his laughter he could vaguely make out Sasuke rolling the scroll then holding it in both hands wielding it like a bat. He definitely felt it when the scroll collided with his temple sending him backwards onto the ground. Sasuke flung on top of him as he lied sprawled on the floor. "That was uncalled for." Naruto said attempting to sit up, as he did he thought he caught a glimpse of a pink tint on Sasuke's cheeks, but before he could confirm it Sasuke's hand reached over to his head and shoved him back to the ground. 

Instead of seeing it as a sign to piss off Naruto saw it as a challenge. Instantly he shot up and tackled Sasuke to the ground. He had him pinned for a second, but then the tables turned. They rolled back and forth fighting for dominance until finally Naruto secured Sasuke under him. **Do it now, take him. **He heard his demon hiss. The voice distracted him long enough to lose his hold and within seconds he found himself being pinned under Sasuke. The dark haired boy had both his wrists in one had and had them stretched over his head. 

"You didn't really think you were going to win did you?" Sasuke's face was so close to him that he could feel the others bangs brush against his forehead. For an instant he was tempted to close the gap between them but then he thought the better of it. Once he stopped struggling Sasuke leaned close to his ear. "Promise me you won't interfere, promise me you won't try to help me with my mission, that you'll stick to your own target then leave."

"Teme, I can't just leave you there!" Instead of being affected by the yelling in his ear Sasuke move closer so his lips were practically against Naruto's ear. As he moved his lips he could feel them brush lightly against the shell of his ear. 

" Promise me." he whispered so softly that Naruto wasn't sure if he had actually heard it.

"I promise." Naruto sighed. As soon as he said it Sasuke released his wrists but grabbed hold of his right hand. As the other man sat up he pulled Naruto with him still holding onto his hand. As soon as he tried to figure out what was going on he felt a sharp pain in his palm. He looked down and saw that Sasuke had made a clean cut and now blood was flowing freely from the wound. "What the…" he stopped himself when he noticed Sasuke had done the same thing to himself. His body jolted a little as he felt the dark haired boy intertwine their fingers mixing their blood. 

"This is a blood oath, once you've completed your mission you have to leave and not turn back for me, no matter how long it takes." Naruto was shocked by the severity of the other man's expression. His eyes widened and he nodded. At that leaned forward sending Naruto to floor.

"I don't care how long it takes just promise me you'll come back." Naruto whispered. He felt Sasuke nod and tighten the grip he had on his hand. As he laid there with Sasuke on top of him he looked over at their hands that were still intertwined. He noticed his and Sasuke's blood roll down his hand down to futon beneath him. He looked up intent on pushing Sasuke off him but he saw the other man was already peacefully asleep on top of him. He let out a deep sigh and closed his own eyes. He concentrated on Sasuke's strong heartbeat and his warm breath that still smelled vaguely of tobacco. _I'll have to break him of that habit._

---

Morning came too soon. Naruto groaned as he opened his eyes expecting to see a sleeping Sasuke but there was only a cold empty absence. He sighed and sat up surveying the room. There was nothing left in the room that would suggest that Sasuke had ever been there, not a stay sock or even a note, not that he had been expecting one. He leaned on his right hand and was surprise to feel pain as he did so. He looked down. His hand was covered in dry blood. _That's weird; I thought the wound would have healed by now._ Deciding he better get it checked out by Sakura he pulled on clothes and headed over to her room. 

Sakura was alone in the room packing up medical supplies. He was secretly pleased to see that Sai wasn't there. He slid the door closed as quietly as he could. "Hey Sakura, I have a favor to ask." The pink haired girl turned around to face him. 

"Hey Naruto, what can I do for you?" He held up his hand to show her.

"I had a little accident, do you think you could patch me up?" he grinned nervously. 

"Yeah, sure thing let me take a look at it." He sat down next to her and held out his hand for her to see. 

"It's a pretty clean cut, it should heal fairly quickly. Let me disinfect it for you anyway." She started to pull supplies out of the kit she had been packing up. Naruto held in a wince of pain as she began to rub in the disinfectant. "So you and Sasuke huh?"

"Me and Sasuke what?" Naruto attempted to say calmly.

"You two are, well you know," she brought he voice down to a whisper "together." 

"What are you talking about" Naruto stammered. 

"I'll give you a piece of advise, if you don't want people to find out a relationship don't have sex so loudly." Naruto turned bright red trying to think of an excuse. "Don't worry." Sakura said with a wink. "I think it's cute." 

"I think you have the wrong idea, me and Sasuke, we aren't 'together'." Sakura looked curiously at him. 

"What's going on between you two then?" 

"It's Co…" Naruto stopped himself before he proved Iruka-sensei right. "Quite simple really, we're just having sex, as a stress relief thing" _or something _Sakura looked skeptically at him. "I swear, its just sex." 

"Sounds like more then just sex to me." Sakura grumbled. _Why does everyone keep saying that? _"You're patched up. You better get your stuff together we'll be leaving to retrieve the target soon." 

---

(1)It's a pun on "Senda Mitsuo" which is kind of like the Japanese version of "zip zap zop", only crazier. I hesitated to put this in but I kept it for my own amusement. All you really need to know (and probably inferred) is that Naruto is being an idiot. If you're still curious you can probably find videos of it on YouTube. It's pretty hilarious.

(2) The first bit of this is taken from The Girl's Guide to Absolutely Everything. They mean everything. You can probably find nearly the same thing in Cosmo. 

A/N Sorry I didn't get this up as quickly as I thought I would I hope the length makes up for it. I bet you all knew I couldn't keep Sasuke out of the story for long. On rereading this chapter I noticed it really takes a sharp turn from horrific to erotic, which might have something to do with reading Poe and Whitman at the same time. I almost could have split this into 2 chapters but I think it balances well even if it seems choppy. 

-wensleydale

p.s I realize I've been having some formatting issues (things that show up in word don't show up online, some things that show up online aren't in my word doc, all very dodgy) and some grammatical stuff that I'm going to try to go back and edit so don't get to excited if it shows up as updated. I also promise I'll try getting back to all the lovely reviewers… eventually. Just have faith that I'll do it and it will happen. 


	6. Chapter 6

-Chapter 6-

2 weeks. Naruto had been back in Konoha for 2 weeks and Sasuke hadn't returned. To make matters worse he still had to attend seemingly endless meetings. He was currently nearing the end of a particularly long and dull meeting about declining air conditions in and around the city. He was dozing off when finally the magic word was uttered.

"Finally, it should be said that recently increasing amount of food vendors are giving off a smell that could disrupt the security of the village, meeting augured. Naruto stood up as though he seat had hot coals and fled the room before the others even stood. 

With his newfound freedom Naruto decided to go visit Iruka sensei and pry him for answers. 

He walked in to find the teacher sitting at his desk looking over a pile of poorly written descriptions of how to perform a transformation Jitsu. The teacher didn't even bother to look up as Naruto entered. 

"What can I help you with?"

"Could you do me a favor and read this scroll to me?" he asked handing over the Uchiha scroll to his former teacher. 

"Naruto, why do you have a scroll for woman on how woman achieve sexual pleasure?" Iruka asked pointing a very clear seal that had previously gone unnoticed by the blond. _He wasn't joking_.

"That isn't really the part I'm concerned with. I wanted to know about the picture in it." Naruto said unrolling the scroll and watching as the schoolteacher rolled his eyes. 

"Not everything is about you Naruto, sometimes a drawing is just a drawing."

"Not when it's an Uchiha scroll."

"An Uchiha scroll?" the older man smirked. "Well I must admit the detail of the drawing is intriguing" the other held the scroll up to the light and squinted then his eyes widened in shock. Quickly the scroll was turned over and Naruto stood in silence as the other man started pulling jars of strange colored powder and liquid from surrounding drawers. 

"What all this about?" Naruto finally asked as he got pushed aside by the teacher who was trying to access a drawer he was blocking. 

"Look here" Iruka said holding it up to the light, "there are watermarks in the paper."

"Couldn't that just be age?" Iruka stared at him as though he had just asked the stupid question he had ever heard. 

"No, see, they are in a very precise area, I think someone has written in invisible ink."

"Hence the jars. How do you know any of these will work" Naruto said picking up and examining a fuchsia colored liquid. 

"Kakashi uses this trick all the time on his mission reports. Pass me that jar behind you." He complied. "If you look in the drawer to the right I have a collection of them I have yet to officially file." Naruto opened the drawer and pulled out a stack of mismatched papers. Each sheet had a unique color that Naruto speculated was from the variation in both Kakashi's and Iruka's methods. Amongst them there were a few written on napkins and even some on the back of pornographic pictures. There was only one official mission report form across which were two words written in black ink: "shit happened". 

"I've been trying to transfer them onto official forms. I don't know what to do about that one." Naruto knew that Kakashi was a man of few words but about that he was a man of regulation. Even though they hadn't been written on official forms everything was written in the exact format of the form with the exception of the last, which was beginning to trouble him. Naruto looked over at the teacher who was busy mixing chemicals with a look of complete concentration. 

"Nothing happened when I was gone right?"

"Of course things happened. Time doesn't stop when you leave stop when you leave the village." Iruka sensei said a little too quickly as he began to fumble with jars.

"I mean between you and Kakashi-sensei." The teacher sighed and submitted to the question. 

"Sort of" Naruto raised his eyebrows to give the signal that it wasn't enough to stop there. "He came in here. I thought he was going to ask another teaching related question, or about a report I had asked him to turn in, but he just marches in, slams down a bit of paper on the table, then leaves. You can read it, it's just over there in the top drawer" Naruto slid open the desk, picked up the slip of paper and read it.

"Monday, 10pm, bar" as he read it out loud the teacher blushed. "Well, did you go?"

"Of course not!" Naruto signed and threw the paper into the air only to have Iruka-sensei clamber after it as it fell. After the teacher had safely caught it and clutched it close to his chest he spoke. " A few days later I got that strange form, and I've heard nothing from him since." As though on cue the door slid open to reveal Kakashi-sensei standing in the doorframe inspecting the scene. Naruto looked over at Iruka sensei who had now turned a shade of crimson still clutching the slip of paper, surrounded by countless numbers of jars filled with strange substances.

"You're busy, I'll come back later." Kakashi stated simply before sliding the door shut. Naruto, who unlike Iruka had the ability move, ran after the masked ninja. 

"What were you doing here?" Naruto shouted down the hallway to the former team 7 leader. 

"I came by to see if Iruka had managed to figure out all my invisible ink" 

"Yeah, sure Iruka-sensei is brilliant. He figured that out long ago. But what I can't figure out is why you would continually concern yourself with a Chuunin that you just so happened to have fucked and dropped without any regard." 

"What about these rumors I heard about you and Sasuke from Sakura." Naruto turned a slight shade of pink but he won't be distracted. 

"Entirely true." Naruto said without hesitation then continued, "Why do you keep coming after Iruka, why are you stringing him along like this?" 

"I think you misunderstand our relationship. I just wanted to make sure my paperwork was all in good order." With that the older man turned and left leaving Naruto standing in the hallway more confused then ever. 

Reentered the classroom to find that Iruka-sensei was back to fiddling with chemicals. He could tell the teacher was trying to appear as though he wasn't curious about what had happened in the hall but soon curiosity seemed to betray him. 

"What did you and Kakashi talk about?" the truth was Naruto himself was trying to figure that out. As always the teacher hadn't said much and had pretty much dodged his questions entirely. 

"You know weather, how I'm fucking Sasuke, how he fucked you, trivial things." 

"He talked about _that_?" the teacher asked in disbelief as he knocked over a jar sending a small purple cloud of powder into the air. 

"No, that was mostly me. I do get the feeling I'm going to be getting a lecture from him later though. I can't imagine he's completely behind this Sasuke thing." 

"So you'll listen to his heeds of warning but not mine?"

"Well, he is one of the most respected and talented ninja's in Konoha" 

"And what about me?"

"You're a school teacher." The teacher stood up and grabbed Naruto in a headlock. 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Naruto began to laugh uncomfortably. 

"Heh heh, nothing sensei." The teacher released him. 

"That's right it means nothing. It's true that Kakashi is one of the most talented, but talent doesn't always earn you respect. I happened to be one of the most educated ninja's in Konoha. I've even been called to advise the hokage on several occasions." Naruto stood there in pure amazement.

"Really! What did you did she ask you?"

"Mainly gambling odds. But I was also called upon recently for some political business." Naruto was excited to hear this. Finally there was a point of conversation where he thought he might be able to outwit his former teacher.

"Oh oh! What advise did you give her?" 

"I advised her to veto your dumpling bill." Iruka-sensei answered calmly. Naruto's jaw dropped to the floor as he stared in disbelief. 

"You didn't, you couldn't. I worked so hard to find a compromise on that. I got a majority vote after I punched a guy in the face!"

"Sorry, it just didn't seem practical." 

" Not practical my ass! What are we going to replace it with?"

"Something manageable." 

"So you would allow extortion and blackmail."

"Over monopoly. I don't think it's the government's right to intervene in business affairs." 

"This goes beyond business affairs, this violates thirteen health codes!" 

"No matter, I would rather die then let Konoha fall into mercantilist decay. The invisible hand must rule the free market." 

"Well, you're about to get a very visible hand in the face!" Before Naruto could make good on that promise the door slid open again. They both froze as they looked over at the door only to see Kakashi standing there again. 

"Oh you're still here." Kakashi said then attempted to turn to leave but Iruka-sensei regained the ability to talk before the door could slide close.

" Hold on, he's leaving." The teacher walked over to a bookshelf and started pulling books until he held about twelve. He shoved them at Naruto while pushing him out the door. Kakashi stepped inside in order to get out of the way. "Don't insult my intelligence with idle threats. Before you dare argue with me again read these books." The teacher gave a final push and slid the door closed with a loud bang. Through the door he could here Iruka-sensei's voice booming. "Don't even think about leaving! We need to have a serious discussion about how to properly fill out paperwork!" Naruto couldn't help but smile with pride as he heard the teacher take control of the situation, then he stared down at the books and sighed. He might as well try to read them, it's not as though he had anything better to do with his time.

---

Another day meant another meeting but Naruto wasn't paying much attention to what was being said. Underneath the desk he had one of the books Iruka-sensei had lent him. Most of what his teacher had lent him was unfathomable gibberish, but Naruto had taken a liking to this particular book. _If 4 goes here then that means this box must be 7 leaving only one box that must be… _"YES!" he shouted much to the shock of everyone else in the room. "Sorry I just got really excited about clean air." Naruto answered nervously before looking down at his completed sudoku. He hadn't felt so good about something in a long time, which just reaffirmed his theory that he should be out beating the shit out of Konoha's enemies up instead of sitting in a room surrounded by old men day after day. 

He looked out the window in the room. For the first time in a few days he found himself wondering about Sasuke. The cut on his had had bled through several bandages. Sakura was starting to worry about the cut, but could find no evidence that would explain its inability to heal. 

The meeting augured and Naruto escaped the room as quickly as he could. He needed to train, badly. Instead he found himself spending the afternoon keeping Sakura company as she treated patients and he tried to make sense of Weber. He scowled at the book he was reading and Sakura turned to look at him.

"I'm not sure I've ever seen you read before, what's with this attitude."

"I'm trying to become well rounded." Naruto said furring his eyebrows for a few seconds attempting to concentrate but he found he couldn't. "Fuck this" he said throwing the book across the room. "I don't care what Iruka-sensei says I'm handling this my way." He stormed out of the room and headed over to the academy. He was a few steps away from Iruka's classroom when the door slid open. Out of it emerged Kakashi walking casually while adjusting the mask on his face with a suspicious grin. They walked by each other without exchanging words. 

As Naruto walked into the room he noticed his former teacher was tying his hair back into a ponytail. Without a word Naruto walked over to the desk and sat on it leaning back on his arms and staring at the ceiling. "I've been reading those books you've lent me sensei."

"Oh yeah?" the teacher responded after finally pulling himself together. "How'd you like them?"

"It was the single most painful experience of my life, and I've been close to death many times." He looked over at the teacher who was smiling. 

"That's what education is, pain. Doesn't it feel wonderful?" 

"No, it feels like crap." Naruto sighed as began to wag his legs, which were hanging of the desk, back and forth. Iruka-sensei rewarded this behavior by stroking the top of the blonde's head. He smiled with contentment before turning to the teacher once more. "So what happened between you and Kakashi-sensei?"

"We had sex again." Naruto's jaw dropped. He hadn't been expecting such a blatant answer. "On the desk." It took a few seconds for Naruto to process the words before he leapt off the desk and started wiping invisible germs of his body. 

"Ew ew ew, I can't believe you just let me sit down there!" 

"Sorry, I was still in a bit of a haze." 

"Uh." Naruto said covering his ears. "I do not need to be hearing this." 

"I listen to you talk about Sasuke!" the teacher shot back.

"But me and Sasuke are different, we're adorable. You and Kakashi are, well… old" as the words came out of his mouth he knew he probably shouldn't have said them. 

"I'm not even that much older then you!"

"I know but you just seem so much older then you really are." Iruka's eyebrows twitched. "Besides isn't it a bit hypocritical of you to have this kind of relationship with Kakashi when you scold me all the time for my thing with Sasuke."

"The difference is that I'm a mature adult. You are a no good brat who can barely read." Naruto knew he had it coming but he couldn't help but feel angry. 

"What could anyone possibly want with that pervert you're doing unless…" he leaned close to his teacher, "could you possibly tell me what's under that mask?" he asked slyly. The teacher turned bright red. Instead of answering the dark haired man grabbed a stack of books twice as high as the last and shoved them into Naruto's arms as he pushed him out the door. 

"Don't even think about coming back until you've read all these." He shouted as he slammed the door. 

"Oh, I bet you think this will buy you lots of time to spend with your new fuck buddy but I'll prove you wrong!" he shouted at the closed door using both his arms to support the large pile of book. No response came from the classroom. 

Naruto walked back through the darkness that had somehow taken hold of the sky in the few minutes he had been inside. The pile of books wasn't particularly heavy of imbalanced thanks to his ninja training. He had almost made it back to his flat when he ran into something causing the books to fly into the air. Before they had time to fall he collected them in midair, but one went unnoticed. Unfortunately it was one of the larger ones, a hard back edition of Ulysses, without mercy it came crashing down on his head causing him to loose concentration and balance sending him backwards toward the ground with the load of books in his arms. Before he collided with the ground he was caught. 

"Wooh there Keith Richards don't lose the damage deposit." A cold familiar voice said. 

"Sasuke?" Naruto questioned looking up. Unconsciously his heart began to beat faster in the presence of the other. 

He reached out to pick up the fallen book at the same time as the dark haired ninja did. Bandaged hands brushed against each other for an instant before Sasuke withdrew. 

"You still have the wound." Sasuke stated but to Naruto it sounded like more of a question.

"Yeah, I've had to keep changing the bandage because it hasn't stopped bleeding."

"Looks like it's stopped now" Sasuke said noting the pure white bandage that had been just replaced by Sakura during his time at the hospital. 

"So it has. How peculiar" 

"They say the wound of a blood bond only heals when the promise is fulfilled."

"That isn't fair! I fulfilled my part, why the hell should I have suffered all this time? You owe me a favor for taking so long. I think you should help me carry these books back to redeem your wrongs."

"I wish everyone's remedies were as simple as yours." Sasuke said condescendingly.

"Stop being demeaning and start lugging. I'll let you take that stack over there and I'll just keep this pesky one." He said smirking while waving the book that had fallen. Sasuke rolled his eyes and picked up the large stack. 

"What is with all the books?" Sasuke asked as he stood up. 

"Iruka-sensei lent them to me. He thinks if I want to be hokage I should be well rounded."

"Is that right?" Sasuke asked as they walked toward

"Yep, this is the second round of books he's lending me" Naruto bragged deciding it was better not to mention that he hadn't really understood the first set and had no intention of reading any other the books they were currently carrying.

"So what have you found most interesting so far?" _Is this a fucking pop quiz?_ He couldn't decide whether to give the intelligent answer or the truthful one so he gave a little of both. 

"I don't know, I don't understand most of what I'm reading." _Definitely should have gone with the intelligent response. _Naruto noted to himself as he caught Sasuke rolling his eyes. "But I find I'm enjoying cosmetology."

"Oh," Sasuke said challenging him, "anything in particular?" 

"I like the way stars gravitate around each other. It's like a dance; no it's more like a relationship. Two stars fight to get to a single point of gravitation, this can go on for millions of years!" Naruto exclaimed spreading his arms out wide. Until eventually they collide with each other creating one brilliant mass," Naruto brought his hand together holding the book between them but then slowly took the book back into one hand and began separating them, "or they come so close that they slingshot away from each other. It's quite sad really."

"You're anthropomorphizing heavenly bodies." Sasuke said raising his eyebrows.

"So what?" he responded indignantly while pulling out the keys to his flat. He swung the door open revealing nothing but darkness. He stepped inside and slid off his sandals with ease. He flicked on a light and shouted: "I'm home."

"Is someone here?" Sasuke said stepping inside cautiously. 

"Not yet, but one day I'll come home and I'll shout: 'I'm home!' and someone will come to the door to greet me, smiling, just happy that I'm there, and they will reply: 'welcome home.'" Naruto explained as he took the books out of Sasuke's arms.

"You're such an idiot." Sasuke mumbled as he slipped off his own sandals and stepped inside. Instead of getting angry Naruto smiled at the grumpy travel worn Uchiha. 

"I'll go put on the kettle." Naruto said taking the books with him into the kitchen and ungracefully dumping them onto the table. He turned the kettle on and looked over to see Sasuke entering the room. 

"Your place is small." 

"Sorry for being but a poor orphan. My parents didn't leave me a mansion." There was that stupid brain fart again. He really needed to learn how to control it. Naruto was surprised that instead receiving physical harm, the other boy smiled and sat down at the table.

"I wish they hadn't. I can't bring myself to fix up the place, I'm either too busy, or when I start the place brings up memories I'd rather forget." 

"Then we should make new memories. We can start by fucking in every room of the house and then…" Naruto got distracted when the kettle hissed. "Oh, it's done." He said while pulling cups from the cabinet. "Ok so we have breakfast blend or green tea." Naruto said holding up the boxes. "I suppose you could have a mixture of both, but I wouldn't recommend it. The only time I tried it I spent the next few minutes over the sink trying to get the taste out of my mouth. It also doesn't sit to well in your stomach. But maybe if you only kept the breakfast bag in for…"

"I'll just stick with green tea thanks" Sasuke said cutting the blond off. 

"Good choice." He said passing Sasuke the cup of hot water and a tea bag. They sat there for a few minutes drinking tea. Naruto had downed his in a matter of minutes but Sasuke still sat there slowly sipping from the cup while looking over one of the books that had been dropped onto the table. Naruto, not exactly thrilled with the idea of read, choose to stare at Sasuke. Eventually the Uchiha looked up and noticed the blonde staring at him. 

"Yes?" Sasuke asked.

"Wanna do it" Naruto asked bluntly. 

"I'm not really in the mood." Sasuke said calmly returning to the book. 

"Oh, I see how it is. This deal is all about you. Lets only have sex when Sasuke wants to, never mind Naruto and his aching ass!" Sasuke didn't bother looking up from the book and instead simply took another sip of tea.

"I just find the large amount of blood gushing from my stomach rather off putting actually." Naruto froze. He hadn't noticed before but Sasuke's black ANBU uniform was wet with what Naruto now knew to be blood. 

"Why didn't you go straight to the hospital? Why did you let me bully you into carrying all those book?" Sasuke wasn't responding choosing instead to keep reading. Naruto took the book away and pulled Sasuke up from the chair with only a grunt of protest. "That's it! We are getting you to the hospital. Get on my back!" that spurred protest. 

"I managed to get this far on my own, I think I can make it the 50 meters to the hospital." 

"No way, I'm definitely carrying you." 

"No."

"How about I carry you half way?"

"No."

"How about I carry you to the door?" 

"No."

"Come on, it's a very small flat and I'll let you go the rest of your way on your own." Naruto said smiling. 

"Fine." Naruto scoop the unwilling Uchiha onto his back and walked out of the kitchen. He felt the other's stomach jiggle with what he assumed was either laughter or the beginning of an epileptic fit. 

"What's so funny?" The jiggling ceased.

"Nothing, I'm just feeling nostalgic." There were only a few steps left to the door. 

"You better not be comparing me to that murderous brother of yours." He felt Sasuke's breath on the back of his neck as the dark haired boy let out an audible laugh. 

"Actually that's exactly what I was doing." They had reached the door. Reluctantly Naruto let down his passenger who couldn't have been more relieved. He watched as sandals were easily slid on and the door was slid open letting in a burst of cold night air. Without even turning to face him Sasuke spoke. "They'll probably keep me there for observation." 

"Enjoy your relaxation."

"Enjoy your mental torture." With that Sasuke closed the door. Naruto stood there for a few seconds before turning around to head back into the kitchen. While doing so he caught a glimpse of his back, it was covered blotches of blood. 

"Damn you Sasuke! Now I have to do Laundry." 

---

Luckily Naruto had a spare outfit that wasn't much different to the one he had worn as a child. The elders at the meeting frown on the casualness of the outfit muttering how hopeless this new generation was, but over the years Naruto had developed a talent for ignoring such idle comments so he wasn't too torn up about it. 

He attempted to visit Sasuke during his lunch break but a certain pesky pink haired medical ninja stopped him. 

"Come on Sakura you can let me in!" he said trying to wheedle his way past her. 

"Nope, he is to have no visitors under the strict order of the hokage."

"Surely I am an exception." 

"The hokage's exact words were that Sasuke Uchiha was to have no visitor, especially not Naruto Uzumaki."

"Come on Sakura pleeeease." He begged grabbing her hand with his own. She must have thought of something because she pushed away his left hand and examined the scab that had formed over the wound on his right hand.

"You know I saw a very similar wound on Sasuke when I was examining him the other day." Naruto was beginning to wonder how thorough these medical examinations were but then he realized the hand was an obvious spot to look for wounds. He looked up to see Sakura giving a knowing smirking. 

"Forget this I have work to do." Naruto said storming out of the hospital onto the streets of Konoha.

---

The day went surprisingly fast. He decided to drop in on Iruka-sensei to return the stack of book that were collecting dust in his flat. He entered the classroom without knocking, which he decided a second too late wasn't the best idea, but luckily he hadn't interrupted anything. 

He dropped the books on the teacher's desk with a loud thud. "Finished them already?" Iruka-sensei asked.

"No, it seems I won't need them."

The teacher stared him down. "Why?"

"The dumpling issue was resolved."

"How could it be? I advised the hokage to veto that bill!"

"Lets just say I persuaded most of them to pursue different business interests."

"You didn't"

"I did. Didn't take too long either, I should have stuck to what I was good at from the beginning." Naruto said stretching his arms. "So how goes the investigation of the scroll?" luckily that was the one topic that could distract Iruka from Naruto's previous comment.

"Really well! I revealed the message but it's in code so it will take me a little longer then I expected." 

"I'll leave you too it Robert Langdon." Naruto said patting his teach on the back before turning to leave. "Sorry this trip was short I have important stuff to do tonight" he walked over to the door and slid it open but had an after thought. "Oh and sensei, I'm glad you worked things out with Kakashi." 

---

It was as though his feet controlled themselves as soon as he stepped outside leading to the outskirts of town. It was easy to break into the compound, almost too easy. He sat in the tatami room. 

He was trying to figure out how he would go about fixing up the place and finally decided cleaning was a good first step. This led him to the storeroom to get supplies. There were several variants on cleaning supplies ranging in age. Naruto picked up what looked to be the most modern and continued searching the room for useful items. 

He had no desire dirty his last set of clothes so he was happy to find what looked like a tasteful looking navy apron devoid of any frills. He slipped it over his head and ran his hands down it to smooth it out but as he did so he noticed a large Uchiha fan on it. _Does this clan have no shame? _He put that thought aside and got to work cleaning. 

The work was not at hard as he expected. Most of the cleaning was just about removing large amounts of dust and removing cobwebs. He had only been at it about an hour when he heard a noise coming from the front entrance. Who ever it was must have known he was there because they spoke.

"I'm home!" Naruto froze when he heard the familiar voice. He hadn't thought they would release Sasuke so soon. The blonde stood up and ran through the house to the front entrance. He felt strangely domestic as he stood there staring at the black hair male in an Uchiha apron covered in cobwebs and dust. The moment felt surreal, like something out of someone else's life. 

"Welcome home." He stood there waiting for Sasuke to Remove his shoes and step in but instead of moving farther into house the Uchiha stood there and smirked. 

"Where do you want to do it first?"

---

A/N wow I feel like I ruined a sacred moment. the plot is coming soon so hold tight! I'm sorry I didn't get this up faster, you know how it is extended essays on Poe, birthdays, many games of Apple's to apples, life. It did turn out far longer then I expected though (with more allusions too, props if you can find them all). Next one will definitely be up sooner… but not this week because it's midterm examinations. 

-Wensleydale (WTF sheep cheese?) 


	7. Chapter 7

-Chapter 7-

---

Sasuke motioned for Naruto to come to into the hallway. For a few seconds Naruto stared in disbelief. 

"No way, I am not doing it in the front hallway. Halls do not count as rooms. You know what, I've been cleaning all evening and I'm not even in the mood anymore" He watched Sasuke shrug and remove his shoes then proceed to pass by him. Naruto sighed and chased after him through the house while removing the apron he had been wearing "Can't we do it somewhere with a nice soft bed? Why can't you have kinky fantasies of having sex in your parents room or something?" the corridor seemed a lot longer then it previously had as Sasuke continued to move through it two paces in front of him.

"What does it matter? You're not in the mood." Sasuke said as Naruto's mouth formed a wide grin. _There is hope for him yet_. 

"You could at least let me stay for tea. I did you that courtesy when you were at my place even though you weren't putting out."

"I was bleeding."

"Excuses, excuses." 

"Fine, you can stay for tea." Excitedly Naruto grabbed onto Sasuke's arm and dragged him into the nearest room which was filled with pictures of member of the Uchiha Family all of whom Naruto knew to be dead.

"This is way better than your parents room. We can do it while your entire dead clan watches from beyond the grave!" Naruto said as he let go of Sasuke's arm

"I thought you just wanted tea." 

Naruto leaned in close to Sasuke as if to whisper something "come on, everyone knows tea is a euphemism for sex." Sasuke's whispered reply sent shivers down his spine.

"I thought that was just coffee." 

"All beverages really." Naruto said as he took a step back returning to his normal tone. 

"That might explain Ino's peculiar behavior after I asked her over for orange juice." Naruto unwillingly felt a pang of jealousy hit him. _Was that a joke or was he being serious? Of course Sasuke is trying to get involved with woman, he's wants to revive his clan, that's something I can never do for him. _Naruto looked up and realized that Sasuke was staring at him as if trying to read his mind. "This room is too creepy." Sasuke finally said, breaking the silence. "I think the hall was a much better idea." 

"It hurts."

"Excuse me?" Sasuke asked as if he hadn't heard. 

Naruto started rubbing an invisible pain in his back. "It hurts to be slammed up against a wall over and over again."

"You're a ninja. Can't you suck it up?" 

"I like to view pain as being an unavoidable consequence, this particular pain I feel I have sufficient influence to prevent." 

Sasuke stood there blown away for a few seconds. "We are keeping you away from books." 

Naruto smiled in triumph "what was that, was the great Sasuke Uchiha just impressed by my amazing political persuasion?" 

Sasuke acted as if he hadn't heard Naruto gloat instead choosing to stare at all the photo's hanging in the room. "We don't have to do it in the hallway but we are definitely not doing it in here." Sasuke caught his eye and they stared as each other for a few seconds before they both started to grin. Confident that the other was thinking the same thing, they both spoke at the same time. 

"Itachi's room."

They both started laughing. Naruto contained himself for a few seconds to watch Sasuke let out a genuine laugh but the moment was stolen from him when the dark haired boy realized he was no longer laughing. "Try to keep up." Sasuke said as he ran out of the room toward the side of the house. As he watched his best friend ran ahead of him along the covered outdoor passageway he imagined a much younger Sasuke doing the same thing. He stopped himself from thinking such innocent juvenile thoughts when he realized he was about to let the man he had just pictured as a child screw his brains out. 

He was a little disappointed at Itachi's former room. There was nothing embarrassing like pink walls or kitten posters; in fact the room was incredibly sparse. Sasuke on the other hand was overjoyed wearing the most maniacal grin Naruto had ever seen. The fact that Sasuke was getting so excited over a simple change in geography just about confirmed Naruto's theory that the Uchiha lead a very dull life. 

"Are we doing this or what?" Sasuke said from across the room, already beginning to undress. He could tell by the look of aggression or Sasuke's face that this was not going to be easy on his ass. 

_Maybe the hallway would have been better._ He put his thoughts aside to stare across the room at Sasuke who now sat on the floor leaning against the bed completely naked. _Did I space out for that long?_

He was surprised about how shamelessly Sasuke sat there riffling through the pants he had removed pulling out a pack of cigarettes. _Not on my watch. _By the time he made it across the room Sasuke had already lit it. Naruto's bright solution was to mimic the actions of Sasuke the other day. He pulled it out of the Uchiha's mouth and put it out on his hand. That was a mistake.

"AH Fuck! Why the hell would you do that?" Naruto said clutching his hand in pain.

"The trick is not to mind." Sasuke replied in a monotone. 

"Well I mind, in fact I have half a mind to..." He paused when he felt Sasuke reach for his hand to inspect it. 

"Suck it up, the burn isn't that bad." Naruto finally looked down at his own hand where a blister was already starting to form above the scar from the cut Sasuke had made. He nearly jumped when he felt coldwater on his palm. Immediately he withdrew his palm. 

"What the hell are you doing?" 

"You have to run it under cold water, trust me I treated a lot of burns as a child." 

"Where did it come from?" 

"Kitchen." 

Naruto was skeptical. "How did you get all the way there and back?"

"Quickly" If that was true than Sasuke's speed had improved. He found himself longing to train with Sasuke again to see how much just how much he had improved. "Would you rather I licked it?" Sasuke asked sarcastically. 

"I want to fight you."

"What, right now?" it was then that Naruto remember that although he was still fully clothed Sasuke was naked.

"No, not right now! We're about to have sex now, we have to fight later." He reasoned. 

"Deal." Sasuke said extending a hand to shake that he took but as soon as did Sasuke pulled his hand to his face and licked his palm over the blistering wound. Naruto responded as any ninja would with a swift kick aimed at Sasuke's temple, which, unfortunately, was easily dodged sending the Uchiha into a short burst of evil laughter.

Naruto wasn't exactly how that moment lead to him being pinned against a wall and stripped but there he was. _Why is it always the wall?_ "Fucking first, fighting later." Sasuke whispered against the shell of his ear causing both a pleasant and disconcerting shiver down his spine. _How does he do that? _Being the determined ninja that he was he managed to turn the situation so that instead of being pinned against a wall he was now being pinned to the mattress of the bed. _Finally no walls or futons._

There was something not quite right about the situation. It might have been the smell or their rather uncomfortable orientation, or the fact that neither of them had remembered to take off their heads band so whenever they got close enough he would feel the cold metal or hear it clink against his own strip of metal. What Naruto finally observed was that cause of his discomfort was that fact that the spiral seal on his stomach had for some reason decided to reveal it's self.

Sasuke took a much more lighthearted look at the situation. "Am I having sex with you or the fox today?" 

"Me." _I hope._

"Good" he didn't know why it was comforting to hear but it was. Sasuke had backed off him a little so in order to see what was going on Naruto leaned his head upward. One second he was there, then as soon as he blinked Sasuke was sitting there, headband less, fussing with a tube of some sort. _Damn. He's quick. _

Naruto attempted to reach up and undo his own headband but before he could the dark haired boy pinned them down. _So much for tha.. _"Aaaa" without warning Sasuke had spread his legs and push into him. In order to make the whole thing more comfortable he wrapped his legs around the other boy. 

He struggled for a few seconds to free his hands but Sasuke only tightened his grip on them. Clearly the feeling of his best friend within him was clouding his judgment because somehow he reasoned the best way of getting Sasuke to free him was to gnaw at on of the wrist that was holding him down. The Uchiha ignored it, if anything it excited him more. So apparently kissing was out but violent biting was in, he was getting the hand of this. They went on like this for a few more minutes, Sasuke thrusting and groaning, Naruto writhing and gnawing, until Naruto felt his limit approaching. He felt Sasuke's warm release in him, which made him give one final bite puncturing the skin. Simultaneously he tasted Sasuke's blood and let out his own release on his stomach. 

Sasuke rolled off him panting for a few seconds before speaking. "We better clean this up." The moment happened in slow motion. Sasuke sat up and reached for Naruto's shirt then leaned toward him wiping up the vestiges of their intercourse. 

"Noooo!" Naruto yelled but it was too late the deed was done. 

"What?" Sasuke asked.

"My clothes." He said pulling the shirt out of the dark haired mans grip but he knew there was no going back. He looked over at Sasuke who clearly didn't understand the magnitude of his actions because instead of acting concerned he had flopped next to him attempting sleep. Naruto sighed and threw his shirt aside. _No use worrying about it now._ He turned to look at his best friend lying there between reality and dreams. He attempted to reach out and brush a hair but got his hand smacked away. _Baby steps_. He thought as he sighed and closed his eyes.

---

When he woke up he wasn't surprised to see that Sasuke was already up. He let out a groan as he stood up and began sifting through discarded clothing. He noticed his clothes were still a mess from last night so he settled on slipping on a pair of boxers. He slid the door to the room and yawned as he walked through the house toward the kitchen. Sasuke was already there eating breakfast while casually flipping through a book. 

"You should really put on more clothes before you eat." Sasuke said barely acknowledging his presence. 

"I would, but _someone_ had to go and ruin the last of my clothes." 

"You can find some of my old clothes in the futon cabinet." Sasuke said with his nose still buried in the same page. In fact all page turning had stopped since he had entered.

"Like hell I'm going to wear any of your clothes." 

"Then you're not going to eat." 

"Fine!" Naruto replied indignantly. His stomach groaned involuntarily which caused Sasuke to smirk. Finally Naruto sighed "Fine." 

When he reentered the kitchen he was wearing black shorts and a white shirt with a gigantic Uchiha symbol on the front. "I feel so violated." Naruto said scratching at his stomach as though the shirt were giving him a rash. 

"So when we have sex you're fine, but when you wear my clothes you feel violated?" If Naruto hadn't known better he would have thought Sasuke sounded offended. 

"Not unless your sperm has little tiny Uchiha symbols on it." Naruto said pitching his pointer finger and thumb together to indicate the size. 

"It might as well. I don't see what the problem is you were fine wearing that apron yesterday." 

"Desperate times call for desperate measures." Naruto concluded, taking a seat across from Sasuke at the table. "Now pass me the cereal and never mention that again." Sasuke did what he was told and returned to reading. They sat there for a few minutes in silence before Naruto noticed Sasuke still hadn't turned the page. _What could be intriguing him so much? _"Hey Sasuke?"

"Hn?"

"What are reading?

"It's a poem." Naruto began to laugh out loud. 

"Aaaaaw is little angsty Sasuke reading emo poetry?" Sasuke didn't respond to the teasing. "Let me see this." Naruto pulled away the book away and cleared his throat and putting on the best dramatic voice he could. 

"Turning and turning in the widening gyre

The falcon cannot hear the falconer;

Things fall apart; the centre cannot hold;

Mere anarchy is loosed upon the world,"

Naruto looked up from the poem to laugh a little. "This is turning out to be pretty emo."

"The blood-dimmed tide is loosed, and everywhere

The ceremony of innocence is drowned;

The best lack all conviction, while the worst

Are full of passionate intensity."

By the end Naruto had dropped the dramatic voice. "The page is ripped there, was there another stanza?"

"Yes." Sasuke replied simply prying the book away from him. 

"What does the rest of it say? Where is the rest of the page?" 

"It doesn't matter, I only liked the next two lines anyway."

"I bet they're just as emo." Naruto said grinning trying to pull the book back but Sasuke had a good hold on it.

"You just don't understand it, that's all." Sasuke said indignantly as he slammed the book closed on Naruto's fingers.

Naruto waved his stinging hands "why did you take it out to read it?"

"You just had me thinking of it, that's all." 

"In a good way, an annoying way, an extremely kinky way, or a bad way?"

"I just compared you to the apocalypse." Sasuke said raising his eyebrows slightly.

"Mmm, I see, you really are extremely perverted Sasuke."

"Usuratonkachi" Sasuke muttered as he rolled his eyes and stood up taking the book with him. 

"I have a much better poem!" he called after Sasuke who was re-shelving the book in the next room.

"Oh yeah?"

"There once was a man from Nantucket whose dick was so long he could su…" 

"Don't finish that limerick!" Sasuke shouted 

"Sorry wouldn't want to violate your poor virgin ears" Naruto called back while sneaking food off of Sasuke's plate. "Oh wait wasn't it just 8 hours ago that you had your dick up my a…"

"Stop talking and stop stealing my food"

"But you don't have any milk and your food tastes so much better." In defiance Naruto took another bite off the other's plate but unfortunately the dark haired male reentered the room at the exact time Naruto had his fork in the eggs. They both stood there frozen for a second.

"Naruto Uzumaki you have crossed the line." At the same time he heard Sasuke say it he noticed the others hand curl into a fist which moments later was sent toward him. He caught the punch easily returning it with one of his own which was caught by Sasuke's remaining hand. Suddenly they started throwing kicks and as soon as they released each other's hands the punches started again. Soon the plate of food and Naruto's dry bowl of cereal were sent to the floor with a loud crash completely forgotten. 

Naruto loved moments like this, sparring with Sasuke early in the morning really got him hyped for the day. They caught each other's fists again leaving them standing mere inches apart sweating and panting. "Sasuke I need to go to work now." 

"I'll be around so you don't have to break-in" Sasuke said as he released Naruto's fist which gave Naruto one final clear opportunity for shot at the dark haired boys head that he took. Unfortunately the punch didn't land; Sasuke once again avoided it by moving his head. "Go to work already." With a humph Natuto left. It wasn't until he was halfway to town that he realized he was still wearing the Uchiha shirt. 

Before he entered into the room where his first meeting was to take place he was stopped by a young ninja whom he knew to be one of the Tsunade's minions. "The Hokage wants to see you before the first meeting, something about dumplings?" He couldn't help but to roll his eyes, he knew this was coming. 

---

"Naruto did you solve the Dumpling issue by using physical force?" the Hokage asked to which he nodded. "I was tired of hearing about it. You did exactly what needed to be done, good work." Naruto stood there in shock trying to process what had just happened. "You may go now, but you may find it worth while to stop by the hospital to see if Sakura has any extra clothes for you." he looked down at the offending shirt remembering the big fuss they made when he was in his own casual clothes. What would they say about someone else's?

"Yeah, I think I'll go do that."

"Good man."

---

Sakura was happy to see him, and even more pleased to see the clothes he was wearing. "Oh Naruto, the walk of shame! You really are the woman in the relationship."

"I thought the point of a gay relationship was that no one was a woman." Naruto quipped.

"Yep, definitely the woman."

"Please don't compare me to a woman, I don't trust anything that can bleed for 8 days without dying."

"Oh please, when have I ever proven myself un-trustworthy." Sakura asked.

"I heard from Kakashi sensei that you told him about me and Sasuke, I thought we were going to keep that all hush, hush."

"You never told me not to tell anyone." Sakura said pulling clean clothes from one of the medical closets.

"It's common sense! I'm working towards becoming the future Hokage while I happen to be having gay sex with a former missing nin, you didn't stop to think having that spread around town would be bad for my reputation?"

"The demon fox already has that taken care of, besides, you should be happy, every woman is jealous you got the catch of Konoha."

"You mean _would _be jealous right?" Naruto said as Sakura started laughing uncomfortably. "Right?"

"It's not like they believed me, though they might if they saw you wearing that." Naruto started rubbing his temples trying his hardest not to attack the innocent pink haired girl.

"Sakura, I would appreciate it if you didn't mention anything about me and Sasuke to anyone anymore. Our relationship is, well it's…"

"What?"

Finally the word came to him. "It's delicate." 

"Good word choice." Sakura complimented 

"Thank you, I…" he stopped himself before he got carried away. "I see what you're doing but your flattery won't work on me! I'm still mad!" 

"What ever you say." Sakura said leaning forward to rest the clothes in his arms and plant an innocent kiss on his cheek before hopping away.

"That feminine charm won't work either!" Naruto yelled as she turned the corner "I'll get you my pretty and your little dog too!" Naruto looked down at the clothes in his hands. "These had better not be woman's clothes!!"

Luckily they weren't, unfortunately it was something worse, a clean set of medical scrubs. Naruto weighed his options for a moment and signed before deciding on the scrubs.

---

If walking going to a meeting in a t-shirt and shorts was unorthodox than coming in during the middle of a meeting in scrubs was unheard of. To make matters far worse there was only one chair left at the far end of the room. Calling it a chair was perhaps giving it too much credit, it was but more of a stool one had to perch on. 

He sighed and made his way across the room towards it. All he could hope for was a short meeting. He looked down at the agenda that had one sentence written on it. "Achieving peace in Konoha" _oh boy._ He could tell that this was going to be the start of a terrible day. 

6 hours later the meeting took a recess because everyone was starting to feel the effects of hunger. Feeling as though Sakura owned him lunch for the embarrassment he had faced all day so far he headed over to the hospital. 

He found Sakura looking over a complicated medical document in the staff room. She looked up and started laughing. "Hey there Mc dreamy." 

"Shut up."

"Come on, don't be mad at me! I didn't think you'd actually wear them." 

"You owe me lunch."

"Fair enough. Wait for me out in the hallway while I go change into street clothes." Sakura said rolling the scroll she had been reading. 

"Do I get a costume change?" Naruto asked hopefully.

"And miss out on all the amusement I'll get when we go out in public? No way." Sakura head off down the hall leaving him alone in the hallway. 

"Bitch." He muttered. 

"Who?" asked a deep voice from behind him. He turned to see Sasuke standing there coolly. 

"Sasuke! What are you doing here?" As Sasuke held up Naruto's clothes he saw a bandaged wrist that made him smile. 

"I thought I'd bring by your clothes, it looks as though it's a good thing I did Dr. Uzumaki." _Two could play that game_

"Having erotic fantasies about doctors now?" Naruto asked as he stepped closer to the dark haired male in an attempt to be seductive. 

"Can't say I am." Sasuke said but Naruto wasn't listening. 

"You really are a pervert. How did you find me anyway?" Sasuke reached a hand under the scrub shirt to trace a spiral around his navel. 

"You leak chakura like a cheap faucet." It was at that moment Sakura came barreling down the hall completely oblivious to Sasuke's presence. 

"You have no idea how annoying it is to undo the seals on some of these… oh" She had finally looked up to see Sasuke standing there. The hand had been removed from under his shirt, but it didn't make the situation less compromising. "Sorry I'll leave so you two can fulfill your erotic doctor patient fantasies." 

"Sakura knows?" Sasuke asked completely levelheaded.

"You never told me not to tell anyone?" Naruto offered to which Sasuke shrugged. 

"I was just going. Sorry to disturb." Sasuke said turning to go but Sakura grabbed his arm.

"You should come with us." She said smiling sweetly. Sasuke didn't have time to reply; yet another person turned the corner into the hallway. 

"Naruto! I'm glad I ran into you." It was one of the younger ninja's who had been present at the meeting whose name he couldn't remember. "I wanted to ask you about some of the positions you took during the meeting." _Oh great, I'll never get food. _"I was wondering why you thought we should tighten border restrictions if we're trying to achieve peace?"

"If we opened our borders we'd get a large influx of immigrants from less stable areas, it's not that I want to support them, but Konoha's economy couldn't handle it. So many surrounding area's economies are based off of ours so if we went into recession it would cause problems."

"Then why not just isolate our economy?" 

"I'm sorry I thought we were talking about achieving peace, not starting another war." 

"I don't get it" he heard Sakura mutter to Sasuke. 

"Naruto's a Leninist." Sasuke replied. 

"Anyway, each country possesses different resources. If each were to isolate it's self we would be fighting over the same resources to achieve more capital gain" 

"Why are we listening to this?" He heard Sakura ask Sasuke.

"Because it's probably the most intelligent argument Naruto will make in his life." He heard Sasuke whispered back. Naruto kept himself from lashing out at Sasuke by turning his full attention to the ninja before him.

"Interesting prospect do you think you'll be coming back for round two? You were quite a trooper sitting in the stool of shame all morning." The ninja replied.

"Yeah, my ass hurts."

"But that might be completely unrelated" Sasuke muttered to Sakura just loud enough so that Naruto heard and turned slightly pink. 

"I think I'll try to make it back in the afternoon after I change."

"How disappointing, I've started to look forward to seeing your costume at each meeting." _Unfortunately everyone else does too so I can't do Sudoko while I pretend to give a shit._

"Don't expect anything to exciting in the future it's doubtful my friend will be this mean twice." He said glaring at Sakura. 

"Anyway I'm glad I understand your argument. I do worry about crossing you and getting punched in the face." 

"Naruto hit someone?" Sasuke leaned toward Sakura to ask. She responded with a nod.

"I'll let you get back to your break." The ninja said and continued down the hall. 

"Who was that?" Sakura asked.

"He's either the guy I make out with during breaks, or the guy I jerk off under the table." Naruto joked but Sasuke looked less then amused. 

"Naruto you're such a slut!" Sakura shrieked.

"He's joking" Sasuke said calmly before turning toward the door. "Are we going?" 

---

"I hate leaks," Sasuke stated as he poked at his ramen with a pair of chopsticks. "Why does he always give me leaks?"

"Mi'll ave mour eaks or oo." even though it was said through an entire mouth full of ramen Sasuke understood. 

"Can I have your bamboo shots if I let you have my leaks?" 

Naruto finally swallowed and responded. "I don't have to give you anything, you don't even want your leaks." 

"Just let me have some of your noodles."

"No way!" Sasuke reached over into his bowl anyway and took out a clump of noodles. In response Naruto took noodles out of the dark haired boys bowl and shoved it in his mouth before Sasuke could stop him. He winced instinctively when Sasuke reached toward his face but instead of hitting him he removed a stray noodle from the side of his mouth. 

"Dobe, when you eat fast you get food everywhere." He blushed and rubbed the edge of his mouth but while he was distracted Sasuke reached and took the largest bamboo sprout from his bowl. 

"Teme, that was low." He heard a giggling coming from the other side of him; he had almost forgotten Sakura was there. 

"You two are adorable." 

They both glared over at her. "We are not adorable." They both cried out defensively at the same time, this only cause Sakura to break out into another fit of giggles. Naruto turned bright red but Sasuke choose to ignore it. 

"Naruto, you should come by tonight. I'm being sent off again to tie some loose ends from the last mission." 

"I heard the Hokage was sending an entire team." Sakura added in

"I'm the squad leader." Sasuke said in a completely normal tone as though he was talking about the weather."

"I thought you only wanted to do solo missions." 

"The Hokage used some pretty convincing rhetoric." It was almost as though the Uchiha was trying to pass it off as a legitimate explanation but Naruto knew Sasuke well enough to know that no amount of rhetoric could convince the dark haired male to do something he didn't want to do. 

"When will you be back?" Sakura asked before he could. 

Instead of looking at Sakura the Uchiha stared straight into his eyes when he responded. "Some time."

"Say in a long time, that will be sooner. Some time is nothing." Naruto responded. 

"Awwww." He heard Sakura squeal in the background. 

"I have to go" Sasuke said while he stood and settled his bill. "I'll see you later dobe" Sasuke said avoiding eye contact with him. 

As soon as he was a safe distance away Naruto leaned in toward Sakura and asked the question that had been plaguing him for the past 18 hours. "Do you know anything about Ino and Sasuke?" 

"No, I don't think she's seen him since he's come back." 

"Is there a possibility they could be meeting up in secret?" 

"No, if Ino had anything to do with Sasuke I'd be the first one she would brag to. It's not like she'd want to get involved with him anyway I mean she…" suddenly Sakura was hesitant. _Sure go spreading all my secrets but when it come to Ino's you suddenly get the yips._

"If you say she's in a relationship I might have to strangle myself. Why is everyone suddenly into this commitment thing." He looked over at the pink haired girl who was sitting there ignoring her ramen just staring at him. "What?" he finally burst out.

"I went down the same road you're on now. It's important to remember that Sasuke doesn't trust anyone; he's incapable of love. Can you really love someone who can never love you back?" 

"I don't love Sasuke." Naruto replied but as he did so there was an uneasy turning in his stomach that he only got when he lied. _Why now?_

"Just be careful ok?" 

"Why does everyone keep telling me that?" Naruto said pushing aside an empty bowl of ramen. 

---

A/N So you probably thinking Wensleydale your story is so awesome, what else makes you so awesome? Well I just so happen to be an amazing seamstress. This unfortunately meant I spent my spring break helping friends with cosplay costumes for upcoming Anime Boston instead of writing. The next chapter will be up soon. I have most of it written because it was originally going to be part of this chapter, but this time I opted for a split. I worked out some formatting issues in the other chapters… hopeful I'll work out the grammar soon. I also took out the warnings. You all knew what you were getting into.

-Wensleydale


	8. Chapter 8

Naruto found himself sitting across from iruka-sensei who had his nose in a book

-Chapter 8-

--

After a particularly intense afternoon of sudoku Naruto found himself sitting across from Iruka-sensei who had his nose in a book. He tilted his chair back and propped his feet up on his former teacher's desk.

"Sakura is just jealous. Just because she couldn't get Sasuke to have feelings for her suddenly he's incapable of love. I think I could really get him to love me. He may be half in love with me already. Don't you think?"

"Sorry I wasn't paying attention to your whining." Iruka-sensei said turning the page in his book.

"I wasn't whining, I was speculating."

The teacher looked down at his watch then back up at him. "Okay, I'm sorry Naruto but could we finish this later I have someone stopping by in a few minutes."

"How is the message coming along?"

"I see what you're doing and it's not going to work." He stared at the teacher who was slowly cracking. "It truly is amazing, I've never seen anything like it before. I managed to reveal the script but it's in the most sophisticated code I've ever come across. Even for an Uchiha this is true talent. What ever is written on it must be," he watched the teacher shudder with excitement. "Incredible. I've almost cracked it. If I stay up tonight I should have it exposed by the morning."

"I like the sound of that!"

"Good so can you leave now?"

"Fat chance."

"Please?" Se heard the teacher ask between gritted teeth.

"I see where I rank on your list of priorities." Naruto said indignantly.

"Yes, ok I'll admit it. Sex ranks higher then hearing you whine right now."

"For the last time I wasn't whining! It's not going to be like this all the time from now on is it sensei?"

"Please Naruto, if you leave now I promise to treat you to ramen."

"The ramen is a lie." Naruto heard Sasuke's voice say from behind him. He had gotten used to Sasuke sneaking up on him so instead of acting surprised he laughed.

Iruka-sensei on the other hand looked annoyed. Instead of dealing with one student now he had to get rid of two. "You know, they say the enemy of wisdom is excess cleverness."

"They also say with age comes wisdom, so I'll take advantage of my cleverness for the moment because it will be a long, long time before I can reach your wisdom."

Naruto could cut the tension with a knife. He laughed uncomfortably to try to lighten the mood then moved on to plan B when that failed. "Well they also say all's well that ends well, and uuuh ramen is the source of all knowledge."

"I've never heard anyone say that." Iruka sensei said raising an eyebrow.

"Sure you have. I just said it." He saw a vein bulge on his former teacher's forehead. In one motion he was grabbed by the collar and dragged across the room. Sasuke followed two steps behind ignoring his cries for help. Soon he was flung out the door followed shortly by Sasuke who nearly got caught in the slamming of the sliding door.

"What's up his ass?" Sasuke asked while checking to make sure he still had all his spikes of hair.

"If I were to take a wild guess I'd say Kakashi-sensei's dick." He could have sworn he heard Sasuke let out a light laugh before slumping down to the ground to join him. "Hey Sasuke?"

"What?"

"This was a triumph."

"Shut up."

"I'm marking it down here a…" he didn't get to finish the sentence Sasuke covered his mouth with his hand turning the rest into muffles. He pouted for a moment before he got a stroke of inspiration. He opened his mouth and stuck his tongue out running it along Sasuke's palm. Instantly the hand was removed as if it had touched a plate.

"What the fuck!"

"Payback." Naruto smirked.

"Dobe." Sasuke responded hitting the top of his head with a closed fist.

He clutched his head then composed himself. In order to counter the attack he wet a finger and attempted to drive it into the dark haired boys ear. He was three centimeters away from his goal when Sasuke caught his wrist. He decided he wouldn't give in so easily so he shifted himself so that he was kneeling, straddling one of Sasuke's legs in order to gain better leverage. They struggled for a few seconds before they noticed Kakashi standing over them. Their battle froze as they stared up at him and watched him stare back.

"We're going" Naruto said too quickly getting off Sasuke causing his body to feel cold. Sasuke stood as soon as he was freed, brushing himself off calmly and walking toward the exit. Naruto skipped after him. "Where are we going?"

"I'm going home."

"I'm going too!"

"Fine." Excitedly Naruto through himself onto his friend's back and clung on for dear life as he was almost thrown off.

"Get off dobe."

"No way teme, I gave you a piggyback the other day, the least you can do is return the favor."

"If you'll remember that was against my will. Get off before I rip your balls off and feed them to you."

"Nope, you won't do it. My balls are too valuable to you and your near future."

"All I care about is your ass."

"Aaaw, I knew you cared" Naruto said removing a hand to lean over and pinched the Uchiha's cheek. That was a mistake. As soon as he had managed to grab a cheek Sasuke took advantage of the fact that he was no longer clinging desperately to his back to finally throw him off causing him to land hard on the ground. His body was used to abuse but it still stung for a second. The pain went away when he looked up to see Sasuke offering a hand to help him up. He smiled and grabbed onto it.

"Idiot, next time don't throw yourself on me like that, just walk like a normal human being."

Even when he was back on his feet he refused to let go of Sasuke's hand "but I'm not a normal human being, I'm Naruto Uzumaki, future Hokage." He noticed fairly quickly that the way he was holding Sasuke's hand meant that he would have to walk backwards unless he was willing to let go for a second to hold it properly. This was a risk he wasn't willing to take so as Sasuke continued walking forward he walked backward next to him.

"This is Konoha's future Hokage? An idiot who walks backwards in public?" He was about to get mad then he saw Sasuke offering his other hand willingly. In the split second it took for Naruto to try to grab Sasuke pulled his hand away. "Usuratonkachi."

Naruto pouted refusing to look at the sneaky bastard who had just tricked him out of a nice warm hand. He could tell Sasuke was silently trying to get his attention but he wouldn't give in that easily. Finally he felt something warm against his left hand; it was the hand that had just been taken away from him. Naruto smiled and moved the hands so that their fingers were laced then looked up at Sasuke who was looking anywhere but his face or their hands. _Progress._

"You really shouldn't pout, it's unbecoming." Sasuke commented.

"Yeah but it's effective."

"What were you doing at Iruka-sensei's anyway?"

Naruto smiled excited that he had knowledge Sasuke wanted "you're never going to believe this. That scroll you gave me…"

"Let you have." Sasuke corrected.

"Whatever, it has a secret message on the back." He looked at Sasuke's unchanged expression. "You're less surprised then I thought you'd be."

"I knew it was there when I let you have it."

"How!" Naruto shouted involuntarily.

"Because I wrote it." Sasuke replied calmly.

"What! You wrote it?" It made a certain amount of sense now that he thought about it. Not only had the scroll been loose in the closet there was also the code that was, as Iruka had put it, sophisticated even for an Uchiha. "What does it say?"

"Dobe, I'm not going to tell you that."

"Why not? Why did you give me the scroll then?" Naruto asked hastily noticing they were already at the edge of town.

"I _let you have it_ because I didn't think you'd find it. I wrote it when I first got back to town I was delirious and probably wounded."

"Why would you go through the trouble of making the code so complicated?" Naruto was genuinely trying to figure out this man who seem more of an enigma to him then he ever had before.

"Because I didn't want snot nosed brats reading it." he felt Sasuke flick his nose with his free hand. "It's just going to disappoint you. In fact don't read it."

"Tough luck, I'm definitely reading it." They passed through the gates and walked to the front door. Naruto reluctantly let go of the hand he had been holding in order to take off his sandals. "Wanna do it in your old room this time?" He suggested as he stepped into the house. Sasuke shrugged leading the way around the outside of the house all the way to the opposite end. There was a small sliding door that was adjacent to a Japanese garden that was in complete disrepair. _So this is where he used to live._

Sasuke stood in front of door staring at it for a few seconds before turning away from it. "I changed my mind, why don't we do it somewhere else?"

"Why? What wrong with your room?" Naruto tried to slide the door open but couldn't because Sasuke was already holding it closed. "You don't have any disembodied limbs in there do you?"

Sasuke rolled his eyes and pulled Naruto away from the door. "Why don't we just sit outside for a few minutes first?" Sasuke had either become a romantic or he was hiding something, the latter seemed most believable but Naruto wasn't going to let this opportunity pass him by.

They sat outside on the covered passageway leaning against the door to Sasuke's old room. Naruto took this time to look at the overgrown garden that he could tell was once carefully tended to. In the middle was a pathetic looking pond that was only half full and covered in slime but for some reason Naruto still felt affection for it. He sighed and laid his head down in Sasuke's lap. He was expecting to be shoved away but he wasn't so he enjoyed the warmth snuggling in closer.

"Dobe, what are you doing?" Sasuke said shifting slightly underneath him.

"Mmm… taking a nap. You lap is nice and warm." He muttered. He felt Sasuke sigh as he untied the knot on his headband and put it to the side letting his hair free and rubbing it as though he were a dog.

"Your hair is peculiar"

"_Your_ hair is peculiar, what a stupid thing to say to me." He muttered in half-hearted defense. Suddenly out of nowhere small droplets of water began falling out of the sky. He observed how they disturbed the surface of the pool, breaking apart the scum. "Look it started raining!" He said as he sat up excitedly pointing to the pond. "Don't you love how refreshing rain is?"

"It's pointless for you to get so stupidly excited over such an inconvenience."

"You just don't understand it, that's all." Naruto sighed laying back down into the Uchiha's lap.

He had a few moments to relax and enjoy the rain as it picked up into a steady drizzle before he felt something wet in his ear. His eyes widen in shock when he realized it was Sasuke's finger twisting in his ear. He shot up out of the comfort of the warm lap.

"What the hell was that for!" he said as he attempted to unclog his ear.

"Payback" Sasuke smirked.

He pushed the Uchiha back against the door and straddled him so he couldn't move during his up coming attack. "I'll show you payback." He threw his first at Sasuke only to have it caught. The sudden force against him caused him to lose his balance and fall forward so that his forehead slammed into Sasuke's. He closed his eyes in response to the brief wave of pain. Behind him he heard the light rain turn into a downpour.

When he opened his eyes he caught Sasuke's onyx orbs. They absorbed him into their darkness. His heart instantly began beating faster as he felt his whole body start to heat up. They were so close. He watched as Sasuke slid his eyes closed and noticed his breathing getting a little heavier. He leaned a fraction forward feeling more of the others hot breath on his face. He focused on a spot on the Uchiha's cheek to distance himself for a second. _Should I be doing this? _Everything else was telling him yes so before he over thought the whole thing he leaned forward the extra distance slipping his eyes closed and pressing his lips gently against the ones before him.

The first few moments were pure magic. It seemed as though Sasuke didn't mind, he even felt the dark haired boy move against his lips a little. He thought he was golden that he had made it across the final barrier then he made the mistake of opening his eyes just wide enough to see two bright red eyes shine back at him. That is when he knew he was fucked. Sasuke bit down on his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood then proceeded to use his knees to catapult him across the passageway out to the mercy of the rain which soaked him to the bone within a matter of seconds.

"Don't turn this into something it's not." Sasuke said looking at him from against the doorway still looking completely taken aback.

He knew he must look pathetic hunched in the mud completely drenched. "Sasuke..." He said barely above a whisper.

"Don't." The Uchiha said turning away from him.

"But…"

"Don't!" He heard the other boy yell as he let his eyes close.

"I LOVE YOU!"

There was a moment of silence that Naruto knew was just the calm before the storm. He prepared himself as he opened his eyes. Through wet bangs he saw Sasuke standing over him on the elevated passageway, still completely dry.

"I despise you." Even through the rain he could practically feel Sasuke spitting out the words. His voice dropped so low it made Naruto shudder involuntarily. "I've always despised you. I only agreed to this deal because I knew it would demoralize you." Naruto sat there unable to say anything. He felt something cold hit him. It was his headband. Sasuke must have thrown it at him. "Leave. I never want to see you again."

He could argue but he knew it was pointless. Somehow he managed to pull himself together enough to get over the wall that enclosed the Uchiha compound. Once he was over he leaned against the wall. He knew he shouldn't stick around because Sasuke could still feel his chakara so he made a deal with himself that he would let it all out for 15 seconds then he would pull himself together and get back into town.

Who ever said you couldn't feel your own tears in rain had been lying, he felt every hot tear fall down his face. Just as he vowed he pulled himself together and dragged himself through the rain in toward town.

How had it happened? One second he was lying in Sasuke's lap getting his hair patted and joking around, the next second he was being pushed out into the rain and spat at. _What is wrong with him!_ He walk around for a while longer trying to think of a way to make amends but he knew from experience if Sasuke didn't want to see him again he would make it difficult to find him. _Not to mention that mission he's being sent on. In a matter of days he'll forget everything except his anger toward me. _He looked down at the scar on his hand. _Could I forget him just as easily? No I don't want to._ Sure it had happened just as Iruka-sensei said it would but he didn't regret his time with Sasuke and certainly didn't want to forget.

Finally he found himself at the door of Iruka's apartment. He knocked on the door pathetically near the point of breaking down again but luckily the teacher's well trained ears picked up on the noise. "Coming."

There was a flood of light when the door opened. "Towel!" He heard the teacher command from a silhouette behind him that he speculated was Kakashi. He felt a towel ruffle his hair and then get draped over his shoulders as he was being carried inside. "We need to get him out of these wet clothes an into bed. We also need to treat his lip." That's right, his lip was bleeding, he had forgotten.

"What happened to him?" He heard his former team leader ask.

"More like _who_ happened to him." He heard the teacher state as he was being stripped of his wet clothes. As soon as they had successfully changed him into a loose set of Iruka's clothes he was dragged unto the couch and covered with a duvet. He saw his teacher bend down to stroke his damp hair as he dapped his lip wound with a wet cloth.

"He hates me." He muttered

"No, he doesn't hate you. He just… isn't very tactful."

"He said it. He said he despises me."

"You've never let that stop you before." He felt the teacher stop stroke his hair and lean back a little. "I finished decoding the scroll. Tomorrow when you wake up you can read it."

"I want to read it now."

"Naruto, you can read it in the morning.

"Sasuke wrote it." He watched Iruka stand up sigh giving into his request.

"It's kind of disappointing actually. It's just two lines of poetry." Iruka said passing the scroll to Naruto's barely exposed hands. "I'll leave you alone with it." The teacher said taking his leave.

He unrolled it and turned it over revealing two lines written in perfect black print. He read the back of the scroll trying not to let tears fall on it.

"Surely some revelation is at hand;

Surely the Second Coming is at hand."

He could help but laugh at the irony. In this moment he was feeling the closest he had ever felt to Sasuke even though they had sex several times. He felt empty, just as Sasuke had when he had written this after Itachi's death.

He had lost Sasuke. The Gyre of one part of his life had ceased to turn and there was no hope for another one to start up again. There was no revelation that came with losing Sasuke; there was no second coming in sight. Without knowing it his delicately balanced life filled with meetings and lovemaking had collapsed.

"Damn it!" he screamed in a hoarse abused voice. Tears once again involuntarily leaked from his eyes. "This is the worst secret message ever."

--

The first day was complete agony. The second day was worse. By the end of the week Naruto felt as though all the happiness and joy had been sucked out of his life. He had no idea if it was night or day because he had covered his window. No one had bothered to visit him until 9 days after the incident there was a knock in the door. Naruto heard it but he didn't bother to answer. He laid on the floor wearing headphones and chipping away at dry cup noodles with a fork in the dark. "What's the point of this soooooong we've been siiiiiiinging, you've already goooooone, why am I clingiiiiiing?"

"Naruto! What the hell are you doing?" When he bothered to look up he saw a pink haired figure hovering over him.

"I'm quitting becoming a ninja and becoming a folk singer, I think I'm better suited to it, depressed, soulful,"

"Dirty." Sakura added in. "this is ridiculous! No one has seen you in days and I come here to find you lying on the floor surrounded by half empty, uncooked packets of ramen and cup noodles, smelling like you haven't bathed, and listening to folk music! This had better have a good explanation."

"I had to do it, I had to do the one thing he asked me not to and now he'll never want to see me again and I'm ok with that, but I just can't stand the thought of him hating me." Naruto mumbled. Sakura bent down and brushed bits of raw noodles out of his hair.

"I'm opening the window now ok? You need fresh air." Promptly she walked over to the window and tore down everything he had been using to cover the window that released golden sunlight into the room illuminating the mess. Naruto hissed and recoiled. "You can't stay like this forever Naruto."

"Can't I try?" he asked hopefully.

"Not even if you become a folk musician." She said removing the headphones from his ears and prying the fork from his hand. "Tsunade wants to see you in 7 minutes she sent me over to get you."

"Why is it Sasuke can troop around acting all angsty and the second I get a little depressed I get suicide watch." Naruto groaned as he resisted being pulled to his feet.

"First of all Sasuke is angry not angsty, angry is productive. Second you've been like this for over a week so your well past pulling the sympathy card so get your ass up and face the Hokage."

"Alright, alright I'm coming." He said as he was pulled unto his feet and dragged out the door.

He followed along reluctantly until they reached the door to the Hokage's office. Promptly Sakura opened the door and shoved him it. "Time to face your audience Damien Rice."

He stood there a few seconds trying to get rid of the bright speckles of light that clouded his vision either from looking up too fast or low blood sugar, or over all malnutrition now that he thought back on his week of dried noodles. Finally he looked around and saw that he was not alone in the room with the Hokage, Sasuke just 10 feet away.

"Fuck" he muttered. Trying to cover up his nervousness he let out a laugh. "Don't worry she only said that because I told her I was going to quitting being a ninja to sing folk music."

"Is this some kind of joke?"

"No, I've actually gotten quite accomplished at the acoustic guitar over the past week."

"Naruto, look at yourself, you have dried noodles in your hair, you're eyes are bloodshot, and you smell like death. On top of that you haven't gone to any meetings this week. Get a hold of yourself." It was humiliating. It was bad enough to have the Hokage scold him but having Sasuke there to witness the misery he had hoped to keep private was far beyond any humiliation that could be described with words.

She continued "And you Sasuke. I was surprised to hear you report three deaths in your last mission. I can't begin to imagine how your miscalculations lead to this the situation."

"I will admit some of the fault is my own but their poor execution is what lead to their deaths." Naruto watched as Sasuke stood there completely unaffected by the death of three people and suddenly he didn't feel depressed anymore, he felt angry.

"I bet you stood there and yelled 'tell those chaps to run faster' like one of those WWI war generals, sacrificing lives so you could move your drinks cabinet six feet closer to the enemies territory."

Sasuke turned slightly to stare at him. "You understand so little. Why don't you go lock your self up like a little kid and continue crying over me while the adults talk about important matters."

"Oh like you're sooo mature! You take sulking to a new level! 'Oh my brother killed my family I'm so depressed.' Give me a break"

"Fuck you, oh wait I have."

"Go manacle your icicle against your tropic bride."

"Read much Dickinson when you were lamenting the fact I wouldn't Fuck you." Sasuke was giving him too much credit. To be honest he had no idea where the quote had come from. He had heard Iruka-sensei yell it at Kakashi and had made note of it because he found it funny.

"Read much Yeats when you were getting fucked over by your brother? Oh yeah, I solved your little secret message. It was lame." _Well technically Iruka-sensei solved it_ Naruto thought, but decided not to mention.

"I knew you were stupid Naruto, but I never thought you'd be stupid enough to believe they I could fall in love with an idiot like you. Oh yeah, I was there when you were talking to Iruka." Sasuke turned away from him back toward the Hokage as Naruto fumed. After only a second or two Naruto pulled out an item he had been saving for years, a Konoha headband with a slash across it. He looked down at it and spit on the metal before releasing a well-aimed throw at the back of the Uchiha's head. Surprisingly it made a direct hit.

Before Naruto could blink Sasuke was in front of him throwing a punch that collided with his cheek. He turned away to spit out blood then stared up at his opponent. Sasuke hadn't activated his sharigan. He was being underestimated by his rival again. He took advantage of the situation by throwing a punch with his right hand, Sasuke tried to dodge it by moving his head left but Naruto had released a kick with his left leg only a moment after throwing the punch so Sasuke's head collided with his foot. The next time he caught the other's eyes they were red. Before either of them could act there was a booming voice.

"STOP!" They both froze. "Naruto, Sasuke, you're both acting immature. I didn't bring you here to fight. I brought you hear to bitch the two of you out, and to tell Naruto about his next mission." _Yes!_ "You've been specially requested by the Kazekage to serve diplomatic duty." _Nooooo! _

This seemed to hit a soft spot in Sasuke. "You're friends with Gaara?"

"Sure! That's the right of passage in shounen manga; everyone becomes friends after a fair fight. Weren't you there when he came to… oh wait you were being a little bitch and running away. Oh, how about that other time… wait, you were still being a little bitch." Before Sasuke could react the Hokage intervened

"It also appears that he's been having some trouble with limbs appearing in the shape of kanji." _What?_

"I thought he handled that!" he said pointing at a very pissed off looking Sasuke.

"If you had been paying attention earlier you might have heard that Sasuke failed his mission and lost three of our best ninja's in the process."

"I just thought he got them killed for kicks honestly." Naruto shrugged.

"So it looks as though both you and Sasuke will he competing for a similar goal." Tsunade said smiling. "What a coincidence. I wonder who will finish first."

He looked back at Sasuke who was staring at him at him. Sasuke sneered at him and he replied by giving a toothy grin. "Let the games begin."

"You're in way over your head" Sasuke said before turning and leaving the room.

--

A/N omg plot. You can probably see were I was planning on ending the last chapter so I hope you see now I wasn't trying to be cruel, just practical. The song is Damien Rice "Elephant", the live on other voices version is the best. The other song is "still alive" from portal, Which isn't really sung in this but it's worth mentioning. As I understand it the song is now on rock band? The next chapter is a shorter interlude (a 7th inning stretch if you will) so it will be out real soon (hopefully). I know Sasuke's a bastard in this chapter, but really, isn't he kind of a bastard in the show?

-Wensleydale (..mmm..)


	9. An End Has a Start

It had been 2 days since naruto had left when sasuke found himself losing consentration while meditating

-Chapter 9-

-An End Has a Start-

Alas! They had been friends in Youth;

But whispering tongues can poison truth;

And consistency lives in realms above:

And life is thorny; and youth is vain:

And to be wroth with one we love,

Doth work like madness in the brain:

But never either found another

To free the hollow heart from paining-

They stood aloof, the scars remaining.

-Coleridge Chistabel

--

It had been 2 days since Naruto had left when Sasuke lost concentration while meditating. After a few attempts to regain control he gave up and laid down on the tatami mats beneath him. He spent a good few minutes staring up at the ceiling thinking. _Have I always gotten lonely this easily?_ He asked himself. He concluded that a hot cup of green tea would do him some good so he pulled himself up and walked into the kitchen. All he had to do was occupy his time until the next morning when he'd be assigned a new mission.

He looked up at the clock on the kitchen wall. _It's only seven_. He made a mental note to himself to remove the hands and add an inscription that would read, "it's later then you think". Unfortunately that didn't apply today. He walked over to put the kettle on but as he passed the table he felt something sharp under his left foot. He bent down and picked up a piece of ceramic plate. _Stupid dobe_. He thought as he looked down at it. He stared at it for another second or two but ended up looking past in at the scar on his hand. He snapped out of it rather quickly and walked over to the trash to discard the worthless shard.

He turned on the kettle then walked over to a bookshelf in a connecting room in order to find a book to distract himself with. Right there in the center of the shelf was a bright orange book of limericks. He rolled his eyes as he pulled it out and shoved it on the bottom shelf. For good measure he gave the book a small kick. He couldn't help but wonder if this was some sort of punishment for using Naruto to fulfill his hormonal teenage needs. Finally he heard the whistling of the kettle from the kitchen. _Thank god for that. _

Even after tea he couldn't rest easily that night. The sun hadn't even risen when woke up for his appointment so he spent a good 2 hours attempting to read. As soon as the time of his appointment drew near he headed into town. He tried the door on the building only to find it locked. Confused, he squinted to look at a clock inside the building only to see that it was an hour earlier then he had thought.

Instead of making his way all the way back home he leaned against the building, dug around in his pocket for a pack of cigarettes, took one out, put it in his mouth, and lit it. The first intake was heaven. Everything that had been troubling him was released with his first exhaled breath. Usually he'd take in a breath or two then he'd be through, but for some reason today he felt like he needed more. He was on his third intake when he sensed someone approaching. He turned to see shikamaru standing there holding a cigarette between his lips.

"Got a light?" Shikamaru muttered. For a moment he dug around in his pocket then finally tossed a lighter in the other boys' direction. "Thanks. I tried to give them up, but I guess I've grown accustom to the taste. What's your excuse?"

He didn't really feel in the mood for small talk. He also knew Shikamaru wasn't one to partake in it, so he decided to go along with it to find out what the other's hidden agenda was. "I'm not much of a smoker. I just do it to clear my mind."

"Of a certain annoying blond ninja perhaps?" There it was, the agenda. He rolled his eyes and brought his cigarette back up to his lips. _God, does everyone in konohagakure know? _"Don't blame Naruto, we knew the second Kiba smelled you on him." At this Sasuke put his cigarette out against the building. Shikamaru had ruined any enjoyment he might have gotten from continuing. He turned to walk away but Shikamaru's voice stopped him. "I don't like you Sasuke, but for some reason Naruto does"

"Good for him." He tried to continue walking forward but Shikamaru had caught him in his shadow.

"No matter how troublesome this is I feel like I have to say this to you. Love isn't about the sappy stuff Sasuke. Real love is about withholding the truth even if you're given the perfect opportunity to hurt someone's feelings." After Shikamaru finished talking he was released but he continued to stand there for a few seconds. _Has everyone in Konoha turned into a sap? _The voice from behind him spoke again"hn, that Naruto sure is an interesting guy, he didn't even ask and I go out of my way for him." He turned slightly to see Shikamaru throw down his cigarette and put it out under his foot before walking away.

Instead of sticking around outside the building he walked onward to distract himself until it was time for his appointment. Out of nowhere the sky started to cloud over and light droplets began to fall on his head. He couldn't stop himself from remembering how excitedly Naruto had reacted when rain began to fall. Soon it was a heavy down pour. _This is definitely punishment. _He thought as the rain soaked through his clothes. He gave up trying to stay dry instead choosing to embrace the rain, stretching his arms wide and staring up at the sky. "This isn't my fault!" he yelled, but he knew the heavens wouldn't believe him because he barely believed himself. _I wonder how that usuratonkachi is doing._

--

"I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, all of them sitting in a row, big ones, small ones, some as big as his gourd." Naruto sang merrily as he pointed to Gaara getting an excited response from the group of small children he was performing to. The red head however looked unimpressed.

"This is Konoha's brilliant plan for educational reform?" Gaara replied stoically.

"Nope, that was all me. I know it still has a few details I have to hammer out, but I have faith the system will evolve."

"To include actual ninjitsu?" one of Gaara's minions asked.

"Hn, what good is a usuratonkachi at hammering?" Gaara asked in his usual emotionless voice unaware at the effect of his words. At the sound of Sasuke's special nickname his eyes widen and he was unwillingly flooded with a wave of emotions that made his chest ach and attacked him making him feel sick to his stomach. He didn't know what was going on in the outside world anymore. He was lost in memories of smells and tastes that belonged only to Sasuke. Getting Sasuke to be intimate was like pulling teeth so every moment of affection was engraved in his mind.

Suddenly he was snapped back into the real world when he felt several pairs of hands shaking him. Dozens of voices were bickering. "Is he ok?"

"What happened?"

"Maybe he's dehydrated, leaf ninja's aren't accustom to our climate."

"Get him some water."

"I'm ok, I just had a little heart burn from all the food I ate earlier." He looked over at Gaara who was standing in the corner removed from the situation looking skeptical. Finally he heard the red head speak.

"Help him back to his room, he needs to rest for tomorrow." With that the Kazekage turned and left.

--

It had taken a lot of work to get all of the Sand ninja's to stop fussing over him and even more work to get them out of the room. As soon as the last one left he closed the door and turned the latch in order to insure he would have no more visitors.

He walked over to the window and pulled down the shade which block out what was left of the sun. After checking the door once more to insure in was locked he threw himself onto the bed and sighed.

For a few minutes he tried to compose a brilliant argument in his mind to use at his next meeting, but instead his mind unwillingly traveled back memories he had with Sasuke. They started out as being simple arguments they had had as children then escalated to some of the more perverse things they had done. Somehow even being slammed against a wall became erotic and sensational in his, slightly bias, memories. He audibly moaned when he remembered the way Sasuke smelled fresh after sex, raw and musky with just a hint of himself mixed in.

He let his eyes flutter shut to help him consecrate on that thought as he ran his hand down his stomach to the edge of his pants. He began tracing his own trail of hair and moved to undo the button of his pants. Suddenly he heard the lock on the door click.

His eyes instantly widened as he realized what the door unlocking meant. _A visitor. _ He shot up and threw a blanket over the developing problem that he had created for himself. The door creaked open slowly revealing Gaara standing there. He looked down at a small pile of sand on the floor and instantly understood how the other had managed to break in.

"Don't people knock in Sunagakure?" Gaara didn't answer. "Was there anything you wanted?"

"Yes I came to give you a copy of your schedule." Gaara said holding up a piece of paper.

"Thanks, you can put it on the desk next to the _five_ schedules you've given me already." The red head did just that then walked back toward the doorway but before reaching it turned to face Naruto again. Gaara stood there and stared at him which caused him to shift uncomfortably. "Has anyone told you you're a little bit creepy?"

"Yes." Gaara said as he continued to stare. Naruto pulled the blanket even further over himself.

"Was there anything else?"

"No."

"Are you leaving then?" Naruto asked hoping to save what was left of his dignity.

"Yes." Naruto was expecting Gaara to leave after he had said that but the red head continued to stand there. "Are you feeling better?" Gaara asked finally breaking eye contact to stare at a spot on the floor.

"Yes, much."

"Good. And with that Gaara finally left.

He knew that should have some how spoiled the mood he had set for himself but as soon as Gaara left the room the air of Sasuke returned in full force. He was tempted to continue where he had left off but instead he threw the blanket off himself and grabbed a towel then headed over to the bathroom. "I'm so pathetic." He muttered to himself as he closed the door of the bathroom and turned the water to cold.

--

It had taken a little while to cool down so by the time he got out of the shower and changed all he wanted to do was lay down in bed. He closed his eyes enjoying the feeling of being between dreams and reality. A few moments later he opened his eyes just a crack to stare at the ceiling but something was blocking his view.

Naruto knew he must have been hallucinating; standing over him was Sasuke wearing the slashed headband. "Mmmm." He moaned reaching up to run a finger over the slash. "What are you doing? Stop fooling around. Why are you even wearing that stupid thing?" That wasn't what he wanted to say to Sasuke but it was as though his body had taken control.

"I think it suits me."

"Take it off already and come to bed." He muttered and rolled over on his side. _Yep, this is definitely a dream. _Naruto concluded. Meanwhile he saw a hand place the headband on the bedside table then felt the warm body lay down beside him.

"It belongs with you."

"Mmm" Naruto agreed as he closed his eyes and drifted of into a deep dreamless sleep.

He wasn't surprised to find himself alone when he woke up the next morning alone, he was however surprised to see a scratched headband resting on his bedside table. _Did that really happen?_ He didn't think too much into it, instead he picked the headband up to test if it was real then pocketed it. He smiled to himself and picked up one of the many schedules Gaara had left him but before he could read through it he got interrupted.

"It seems you have a guest." One of the hotel attendants called through the door.

"Thanks, send them in." He didn't have high expectations. There had been practically an endless flow of diplomats visiting him since he had arrived. When the door opened he instantly brightened up. "Shikamaru!"

"Ah, Naruto, how are you doing?" His friend asked as he walked though the doorway.

"I'm great! how's Saaaa" He stopped himself mid-word when his brain caught up with his mouth. "Saaaakura, and all the others?"

"Sasuke is fine, he's being his usual self, stalking around the village, acting superior."

Naruto smiled and traced the scar on his hand, happy that his friend understood him so well. "I'm glad."

"How about you, what have you been up to?" Shikamaru asked taking a seat at the desk in the room.

"Eh well..." Naruto mumbled shifting his position "it turns out its more diplomatic duty then evil ninja hunting like Tsunade promised. Also Gaara thinks I'm incompetent" Naruto muttered the last part more to himself then to his friend.

"Why do you say?"

"Because over the past 48 hours he's personally delivered six hand written copies of the same schedule."

"Sounds more like he has a crush on you."

"Eeeeeh? What?" he practically screamed in surprised.

Shikamaru let out a sigh and stood up. "Naruto I like you, but I would not go out of my way to find you six times over the course of two days to give you a document I knew you already had. That indicates the schedules are really just a poor excuse to see you, kind of like how sex was a poor excuse for you to see Sasuke." Naruto frowned at the last part. "You know, there have been rumors going around Konoha since Gaara _specially_ requested you."

"Really?" Naruto couldn't help but to turn a little red at his friend's words. Him and Gaara shared similar experiences and got along fairly well. Maybe that's all it took. Besides Gaara and Sasuke were similar in character, both were cold and pretentious. _Could I shift all the feelings I had for Sasuke to Gaara?_

"In fact Sasuke disappeared for a few days after the rumor started going around." Naruto stuck his hand in his pocket to pull out Sasuke's old forehead protector and stare at it as he traced the slashed symbol on it. In that moment he knew he couldn't shift loyalties that easily. "Oh good, Gaara passed that along to you." Shikamaru cut in.

"Gaara?" _that doesn't make any sense. How cou…_

His thoughts were broken when he heard Shikamaru sigh impatiently, "The Hokage gave it to me to pass along to you, apparently it was left in her office and she felt as though it belong with you."

Any feelings of forgiveness he had just felt for Sasuke were pushed to the back of his mind as he plotted revenge. _How dare he just leave it there?_

"Well I'm off." Shikamaru said walking toward the door.

"Wait a second, where are you going? I thought you came to see me." Naruto said getting to his feet.

"I did, but I have someone else to meet up with right now."

"Like Temari?" Naruto said batting his eyelashes at a very annoyed looking Shikamaru.

"Psht, what could I want with such a troublesome woman?"

"I don't know, thiiiis?" He asked puckering his lips and making obnoxious smooching noises.

"No wonder Sasuke broke up with you after you kissed him." Naruto's jaw dropped to the floor in shock. "Too soon?" Naruto managed to nod his head.

"Oh well, I'll make it up to you later. Ja na." his friend said before waving and closing the door in his face leaving Naruto in a state of shock. But then finally his mouth turned into a smirk. Maybe it was time to track down a certain red head.

--

It only took a few minutes for him to track down Gaara who was wandering the streets outside the building he was being put up in. "heeeey Gaara." He said as he threw a hand on the Kazekage's shoulder. "I've got a question for you."

"Yes?" Gaara answered staring at the hand resting on his shoulder,

"Did you specially request me?" he asked squeezing Gaara's shoulder tightly.

"No, I requested Shikamaru and Neiji, ninja's with more of an intellectual background, the Hokage asked me to take you on as well and I agreed." Naruto let his grip loosen and his arm drop. He was completely taken aback by the red head's words.

"You really do think me incompetent."

"No, you have a unique ability to think outside the box. I think you offer a good balance." Just like everything Gaara said it sounded very matter-of-fact even though it was met to be a compliment.

"Aw thank you Gaara, does this mean you're going to send me out on a mission soon."

"Yes."

"When?" the blonde asked staring down at the schedule with a confused look.

Gaara responded by pulling the piece of paper out of his hand and turning it over pointing to the top. "This afternoon."

Naruto took a closer look at what the paper actually had written on it. "But this doesn't make since it says it's going to be you, me, Shikamaru, and Neiji. Neiji hasn't even arrived yet."

"Yes I have, I thought you told me you had given him the schedule."

"I did, I gave him six."

"And he didn't read a single on did he?" Neiji added smugly.

"Well I am now! Is this ok? Are you allowed to leave the village Gaara?"

"It's not ideal, but I've already had to request outside help on this matter so I have no choice but to involve myself as well." the answer sounded acceptable, he was only angry that Neiji decided to cut in on their conversation.

"Naruto, now would be a good time to go pack, I need to talk to the Kazekage alone." He pouted at returned to his room. Part of him felt bad pulling the room he had just settled into apart as he packed eagerly, but mostly he was just excited to be going on missions again.

After a few hours of napping and packing it was time to meet up at the gates. He grabbed his stuff and head out the door. As he approached his three teammates who were standing by the gate he realized he had gone the entire afternoon without thinking about Sasuke. _Well there goes that streak. _He was now within a few yards of them.

"Naruto, why do you have a guitar case on your back?" Neiji asked.

"Because I'm bringing a guitar."

"Why? What are you going to do with it?"

"Uh, play it of course." After Tesla, Neiji had to be the dumbest genius in history Naruto concluded.

"When on a mission could you _possibly_ think you will need to play the guitar?"

"Suppose we have win favor with a small child."

"I give up. Shikamaru, you talk him out of it."

"I don't mind as long as it doesn't slow him down, do you mind Gaara?" The read head simply shrugged. "It's settled then, lets go before it starts getting dark."

"Alright! Adventure! It's about time!" Naruto shouted excitedly as he passed through the gates into a new chapter of his life.

--

A/N dearly beloved we are gathered here to say our goodbyes, here it lies, no one knew why it failed, the late great macbook of wensleydale.

On a lighter note you might have noticed a few things different about this chapter. 1) It has a title (this won't happen again) it's taken from a song by the editors. 2) The epigraph returned. (You have no idea how long I've waited to use this one) 3) it starts with a section of Sasuke's POV (this also won't happen again) I promised myself when I started this story I would never go into Sasuke's POV. After a lot of inner arguing I allowed myself this one concession.

-Wensleydale


	10. Chapter 10

-Chapter 10-

"I'm sitting here, by the fire, strumming a guitar, it's awesome. Alright thank you folks." Naruto addressed his three-person audience. "Hey Gaara, would it be gay if I wrote you a song?"

"Yes."

"Right then, any requests?"

"Yes, could I request that you stop playing?" Neji asked.

"Uh, no because I'm going to keep playing anyway. Any song requests?"

"Could you play a real song?" Shikamaru asked.

"Who do you think I am Eddie Van Halen? I just started playing guitar a week ago, I don't know and '_real songs.' _"

"All in favor of using Naruto's guitar as firewood raise your hand." Neji said raising his hand. Naruto looked to see Shikamaru had his hand raised as well.

"Aw, come on Shikamaru!"

"Sorry Naruto."

He still had one last hope; Gaara hadn't raised his hand yet.

"Gaara, buddy, pal, friend."

"We'll spare your guitar with the understanding you will refrain from playing it." Gaara spoke for the group."

"Yes! Thank you, thank you, thank you." Naruto said excitedly as he embraced the Kazegage. Had he been more observant he might have noticed the other go slightly pink in the cheeks.

"Fine, but we still need to get more firewood." Neji replied with an angry tone.

"Don't worry, I've come up with brilliant strategy to decide who should go." Shikamaru assured Neji, "Nose goes." He said calmly bringing a finger to his nose.

"What kind of strategy is that?" Naruto argued, but his protests did him a disadvantage. He noticed after he calmed down that even Gaara had placed a finger on his nose. "Fine, I'm going." He sighed as he jumped off the forest ground disappearing into the canopy of the trees.

As he began to snap twigs off of trees he muttered complaints to himself about how annoying his friends were, and at the same time assured himself his guitar playing abilities weren't as bad as his friends had made them out to be.

He picked up a weird smell on the air that he felt himself strangely drawn to. After a few moments of contemplation he headed in the general direction of the smell and began inspecting the forest floor for any indication of what it might be. Suddenly the smell was so intense it was almost unbearable. _Blood_. It was just as he had suspected only more disturbingly peculiar. There was an entire sentence written on the ground in blood.

Abandon all hope (1)

"That's almost as cryptic as 'work will set you free'." (2) Naruto commented as he jumped down out of the trees to inspect the scene. Upon closer inspection he noticed who ever had written it had laid a dead fox on display underneath the words.

"Now that was just uncalled for." He said to himself as he approached the body to get a better look. The body twitch a little as though possessed. He took a step back but then to his relief noticed that it was just another fox prodding the dead one. He was a little taken aback by the size of it. It seemed so small and helpless.

He tried to approach it but as it did it ran away. He followed after it but found it difficult to keep up while carrying a large pile of sticks. Finally he saw the fox dive into a hole.

He laid his load down to peak into the hole. "Come on now, I'm not going to hurt you." _This is too much_ he thought, as he looked in on a pile of tiny foxes some of whom he assumed to be dead. Suddenly without warning a small heard charged at him but instead of attacking they began to snuggle against him, one even attempted to climb under his shirt. "You lost your mom huh? I wish I could take you back but my friends will get mad at me." He looked down at the happy family that was climbing all over him, in particular he looked at a rather enthusiastic orange fox annoying a black haired one that reminded him a little of Sasuke. "But who needs friends right?"

--

He observed his friends annoyed looks as he returned with a rather small pile of wood and a rather large pile of foxes.

"Naruto. We sent you out to get fire wood, not adopt an entire litter of foxes."

"Aw Neji, you're so cold hearted. Look at them!"

"Get rid of them." Shikamaru commanded.

"But, look at them, they're poor orphaned foxes."

"Let nature take its course." Shikamaru continued.

"This isn't nature, somebody killed their mom!"

"I'll take them back." Gaara offered cutting into the argument.

"Ok, thanks Gaara. Naruto hand them over." Neji said peeling a fox out of Naruto's arms.

"Just drop them off by the cryptic writing in blood." Naruto said transferring the foxes over to Gaara who nodded in understanding.

"Naruto, help Neji put your pathetic pile of sticks unto the fire. I'm going to go out and see about those cryptic words."

As soon as both Shikamaru and Gaara disappeared Naruto leaned into Neji and asked a question he had wanted to ask Shikamaru. "How do you think I can get Gaara to have sex with me in order to make Sasuke jealous?"

He watched as Neji turned painfully slowly toward him. "Naruto, this is real life, you can't just expect that Sasuke will get insanely jealous, shove you against a wall and kiss you passionately."

"Oh no, we don't kiss. That's to 'intimate'." Naruto said rolling his eyes.

Neji sighed and continued. "No matter, jealousy doesn't work, unless you're in a Charlotte Bronte novel and dress up like a woman in order to trick someone into confessing."

"Brilliant! All I have to do is dress up like a woman and…"

"Please, stop talking."

"Right, sorry about that. I just have to find a way to get Sasuke back."

"Are you going to spend your whole life chasing after someone who keeps running away from you?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"Everything!" Naruto was a little taken aback by Neji uncharacteristic out burst. "Sorry, just promise me you'll leave Gaara alone."

"Oh, I see how it is. Ok I'll leave him alone so you can have him all to yourself." He winked. Neji just glared back.

"That's not why. You don't seem to understand how cruel it is to give someone false hope."

"No, I understand."

They had already thrown most of the sticks onto the fire when the others returned.

"We've got a good idea where the enemy has headed off to. Tomorrow we'll attack his base. Naruto, we need you do go after the puppet so we can track down the real killer. There is a certain radius he needs to be within in order to control another entity so accurately and with Neji's byakugan it shouldn't take to long." Shikamaru said. Naruto now understood why Gaara had originally requested both Shikamaru and Neji and was starting to feel more like baggage. Maybe this was all he could do.

"Rodger that. He's close, I can feel it."

"Our target?"

"No, Sasuke."

"Why do I think the two go hand and hand?"

--

When he split up with his friends in the morning he couldn't help but to be envious. _They are going to where Sasuke is. _He knew it was probably unhealthy for him to keep thinking about him but it was hard not to. _Sasuke wouldn't go after some pawn._ _I won't see him. _The realization was actually rather liberating.

The encounter with his opponent happened rather unexpectedly. He was walking in no particular direction when he caught the sight of a burley man who was about a head taller than him dragging a corpse. _Good, I caught him before he could tear the limbs off._ He smiled to himself before realizing how terrible his thought was.

"Hey, I think you could help me. I'm looking for a serial murder. I think he might be around this area tearing limbs from living people!" He yelled over in the direction the man. It turned toward him giving him a better view of the corpse. "Never mind, it looks like she's dead, you must be the wrong guy."

The man gave an evil smirk. "She's still alive."

"Excellent." Naruto smirked throwing a series of well-aimed punches at the larger man's face causing the body of the nearly dead girl to fall with a thud.

"How unfortunate that you chose to fight me, by doing so you have chosen your own death." The bigger man managed to kick him in the stomach and knock him against the tree.

"You're wrong!" he yelled throwing a kick that was blocked that was kicked to the ground. _Ok time to get serious_. He took off his traveling pack and guitar and launched himself at his opponent again managing to get a good kick to the head before being grabbed by the neck.

Lips came crashing down on his own but they weren't kissing, they were sucking. He felt himself getting weak. _My Chakra, he's stealing my chakra_. He managed to break free but ended up in a pile on the ground. _I can't let him do that again._ He looked up at the man standing over him.

He licked his lips as he pulled Naruto up off the ground. "I've never Tasted Chakra like yours before. I think I want more." He was about to suck more away when Naruto pulled away and landed another punch to the side of the creepy guy's face. His wrist was grabbed and he was pulled forward once again. The last of his Chakra was being sucked away from him and he could do nothing. There was only one thing he could do, give in.

Finally he was dropped to the ground. He heard the other smack his lips together. "Delicious." Finally the man began to choke. "What have you done to me?" he gasped.

"It seems you got a taste of my special Chakra." Naruto said smirking from where he laid on the ground. "You should feel honored, I don't release it for just anybody."

"Bastard." The large man coughed out. "You can never win against me because I do not fear death. Even if we both parish here I will have won."

He couldn't help but to laugh a little. "You're right, I do fear death, but that only makes me stronger. And even if I were to die here I doubt anyone would be terribly upset, they might even be relieved. No one mourns the wicked right? So if I go down here I'll make sure I take you with me."

"You're bluffing, you have no energy left" The tall man said coughing out blood. "I bet you can't even stand."

"This time you're wrong, I have one more trick up my sleeve." He groaned as he reached over to his guitar case and unclipped the buckles that kept it shut.

"Ha! What are you going to do with that? You can't use music as a weapon."

"No, I can't use music as a weapon, but I can use a guitar." With the rest of his strength he stood up wielding the guitar like a sword then swung it over his head. With a loud twang the guitar smashed against his opponent's head. The other man fell to the ground unconscious still leaking blood from his mouth. Satisfied, he too collapsed to the ground and closed his eyes.

When he opened his eyes again he saw the man he had just knocked unconscious being staked by a strangely familiar looking sword. Instantly he knew who it was.

"What are you doing?" he groaned while attempting to lift himself up to look Sasuke in the eye.

"What you couldn't"

"But he's just a puppet."

"It doesn't matter."

Finally he managed to pull himself up onto shaky feet. "I came here to kick ass and play guitar, and I just destroyed my guitar." He took a step toward Sasuke before collapsing to the ground again.

After a few seconds he managed to open his eyes just wide enough to see Sasuke crouching in front of him. He flinched when Sasuke reached toward his face but instead of hitting him he wiped away a bit of dried blood from the corner of his lip.

"Sasuke, why are we so backward? Could we just start over again and do it right this time?" he let out in a hoarse voice. Sasuke smiled and shook his head as though it were the most ridiculous thing he had ever heard.

"You know better then that." Sasuke said as he stood up and stepped over Naruto's body. All the blond could do was crane his neck to follow the movements of the Uchiha.

Then out of nowhere from the bushes leapt out a rather uncanny enthusiastic orange fox, which proceeded to walk toward Sasuke. Secretly Naruto wanted him to be mean to it or at least ignore it in order to somehow get outside validation for his current hatred toward his best friend but Sasuke did neither of those things. Slowly he reached into a pouch, took out a cracker and laid it down for the fox.

As soon as he did that an entire heard of foxes that had been hiding in the bushes leapt out in order to get a chance at the cracker. Sasuke patted the orange fox on the head lightly before disappearing into the forest leaving a Naruto exhausted alone with the foxes that decided he made a very good log. Several of them fell asleep on top of him, and to his dismay one particularly fat fox fell asleep on his head and started flicking it's tail back and forth against his face. Eventually he got used to their weight and dozed off.

The next time he woke up was when all of a sudden every fox that had been resting on him ran away. There was something or someone coming toward him and he was praying it was anything but Sasuke. He would take a man-eating demon over Sasuke right now. Luckily it wasn't neither a man-eating demon nor Sasuke, it was his good for nothing friends that left him to face Sasuke all by himself, oh yeah and forced him to fight that serial murder's puppet.

"Couldn't you guys have shown up when I needed you, for instance before Sasuke showed up." Naruto pulled himself up feeling surprisingly much better then before.

"What, did he do something to you?" Shikamaru asked.

"No, but that's hardly the point! You guys were supposed to be there to help me beat his face in."

"Ok, it's time for a group meeting" Shikamaru announced. "It's time we reviewed one of the basics of battle. Repeat after me: 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend'."

Naruto, Neji and Gaara all muttered the line.

"Good. So if we want to actually catch this guy instead of letting him get away because we can't seem to control ourselves we are going to have to play nice with Sasuke." Naruto was beginning to wonder exactly what had happened when he was separated from the group. "Ok, lets do individuals now, Gaara, repeat after me: 'I will not punch Sasuke in the face then proceed to start a fight with him.'"

"I will not punch Sasuke in the face and then proceed to start a fight with him." Gaara grumbled folding his arms in front of his chest."

"Very good. Neji: 'I will not pretend to break up a said fight only to get a better swing at Sasuke.'" Neji mumbled the line back and finally Shikamaru turn to him. He was excited to see what Shikamaru had for him. "Naruto."

"Yes?" he said trying to contain his excitement.

Shikamaru sighed. "Just don't have sex with him again."

Naruto's jaw dropped in surprise. "Your vote of confidence is overwhelming. Do you really think I'm dumb enough to sleep with Sasuke again?" All three of his friends nodded. "Well I'm not, there is no way I'd ever get with Sasuke again."

"So what's your current plan to win him back?" Neji asked.

"I was thinking maybe writing him a song, but I've just smashed my guitar."

"Right." Neji said rolling his eyes.

"Now that's no fair, I'm just doing all this to rekindle our friendship, and if having his dick shoved up my ass happens to be part of that, then so be it."

"You really are hopeless" Shikamaru sighed.

"Hey, would you guys be willing to help me?" Naruto asked.

"No, but if he hurts you again we'll ides of March his ass." Shikamaru replied.

"Aaaw thanks guys, nothing makes a breaking sit easier then having your friends gang stab your ex in the back."

"How exactly did you and Sasuke define your relationship?" Shikamaru asked as he put an arm around Naruto in order to help him start to make the long trek back to Sand.

"The hell if I know. It was complicated." There he said it, he could practically see Iruka's smirk in his mind.

"We've got a lot of walking, and you've got a lot of healing. "

"It's ok, you know I think I'm already starting to feel better."

"You know, Neji and I go home after we get back."

"It's ok, I think I'll be ok on my own."

"Were you guys really going to leave this poor dying girl here?" Gaara asked breaking up his and Shikamaru's conversation.

"Damn, I knew I was forgetting something, Neji wanna get on that shit?" Naruto turned and asked. "In fact, why don't you get Gaara to help you?" Naruto winked.

Neji sighed and rolled his eyes as he walked over to the unconscious girl's body. "I think I can manage it myself thanks." But Gaara was already grabbing the girl's legs so Neji relented.

"I can't wait to get back to a place that has ramen." Naruto smiled. "Who wants to sing camp songs on the way back?" Naruto took their silence as a yes. "There was a village had a dog and Kiba was his name oh K-I-B-A… that didn't work as well as I hoped, why don't we try another one?"

"Shikamaru please hit him." Neji requested.

--

The trip home was rather uneventful. When they finally approached the gates of sand they had managed to drop the girl back to her village and heal Naruto almost entirely. Upon entering the village he had an idea. "Hey, we should throw a big goodbye party before you guys leave." Naruto suggested.

"Too cliché" Shikamaru said, "can't we just go out for a drink together?"

"Sounds good to me" Naruto smiled.

Some how one drink turned into about many, and several shots. Needless to say they were pretty wasted bordering on the point of passing out.

"I figured it out!" Naruto shouted.

"How to track down the murderer?" Neji asked.

"Could you guys forget the murderer for one second. I figured out the perfect song to sing to Sasuke to win him back! Now if only I had a guitar." Naruto lamented.

Gaara and Neji sighed as Shikamaru muttered something about needing to go say goodbye to Temari before attempting to stand. Seeing that he couldn't do it on his own he grabbed Neji who was slightly less drunk then the rest of them.

"Looks like it's just you and me." Naruto said wrapping an arm around his red headed friend. "Why can't I be in love with you Gaara, you're such a good friend." Naruto muttered as he began to pass out against the red head's shoulder. "Did you ever know that you're my heeeeero?" Naruto sang in a falsetto before breaking out into laughter. "If only I hadn't promised Neji I wouldn't have sex with you to make Sasuke jealous, you would be so easy to take advantage of right now." He whispered into the Kazegage's ear before collapsing onto the bar. "You should defiantly fuck Neji though. He's practically a woman anyway. Besides I can tell he really like you, that or he's just a nice guy and what are the odds of that?" Naruto muttered with a cheek plastered to the bar. "What do you think of Neji?"

"He's a talented Ninja from a respectable clan." Damn, did Gaara ever loosen up?

"You should definitely fuck him, that would be hilarious." Gaara seemed to be ignoring him now. "Hey Gaara!" he yelled.

"Yeah."

"Is there any meaning in lost love?"

Gaara seemed shocked by the suddenness of such a serious question. "No, there isn't. People will try to tell you there is but every time you give yourself to another person and they reject you it becomes harder and harder to give your whole self away again."

"That was bad, that was like teenage emo poetry bad. You don't have to worry Gaara. No one will reject you. Don't let anybody tell you you're not humpable, cause you're bumpable, now I hope that didn't make you feel uncomfortable." (3) Naruto laughed at his sudden spur of rhyming. "I should sing that to Sasuke."

"I don't think that's a good idea." Neji cut in returning to the bar only to collapse next to Naruto. "I think we should all probably get back to our residences now. I'll help the Kazagage, you live pretty close so you can drag yourself back right?"

"Ay, ay captain."

--

The next thing Naruto remembered was waking up to a loud knock on his door with a terrible hangover. He had no idea how he got back, or where anyone everyone else was, all he knew was that he didn't want to get up and get the door.

"Naruto, it's me, I'm coming in." he recognized the voice as Neji's.

"Uuuuun" Naruto groaned in acceptance. Neji entered the room looking a little out of it but not nearly as hung over as he deserved to be considering Naruto felt like death.

"I got some hangover food and a letter from Konoha, which do you want first."

"Letter." Naruto muttered with the slightest hope that it might be from Sasuke. He ripped it open and read

Naruto Uzamaki,

You have been requested to return to Konoha for your annual medical examin….

"Ah Fuck." He knew he would be sent back out after the examine was done but just the thought of returning to Konoha right now made him feel queasy. _Odds are he won't even be there_. Even telling himself that didn't make him feel better.

"Medical examination huh? Neji said looking down at the letter. "It's a pity there is such a strict enforcement that your own village must perform it."

"Yeah, so what did you do last night?"

"I don't really know but when I woke up this morning I was lying naked next to Gaara and my ass hurt, so I'm going to guess I had sex."

Naruto sat up straight. "This is huge! How the hell did that happen?"

"It didn't so shut up. All I know is I'm never drinking again." Neji groaned massaging his temples.

This small action by Neji reminded him of his own hangover that suddenly kicked back in "uuuug, me neither." He said flopping back onto the bed. "I can't believe you lied to me about something important like that." He muttered as he turned toward Neji.

"I can't believe you keep pestering me about getting involved with the kazagage."

"I'm just trying to help." Naruto moaned.

"Well don't. Today we head out to Konoha and I go on with my life, which doesn't involve Gaara."

"That plan sucks."

"It's better than the inevitable circumstance of being dragged along and crushed."

"I'm glad I could serve as a warning to you." Naruto said clutching his head.

"I'm going. Make sure you eat something before we head out."

"Ok, ok" He said as he winced at the sound of the door slamming. "That guy is so weird." He was too hung over to care beyond that point. "Lets see what he brought me." He dug around in the bag and pulled out what felt like a Styrofoam cup of instant ramen. Maybe this day could be saved, maybe it wouldn't suck completely, then he looked at the label.

I can't believe it's not ramen.

_Fuck_

_--_

1 What is written on the gates of hell in Dante's inferno.

2 What is written on the gates of Auschwitz the Nazi death camp

3 From flight of the conchords song "Brett, you've got it going on"

A/N sorry this chapter is a bit later then my normal updates as my last note tried to suggest through poetry my last computer died causing general havoc in my life. On that note please let me know if there are any formatting issues, FFN has a habit of doing strange things like putting the first few sentence of the chapter at the top. This one is short again but I promise the next one is already longer then this chapter… I should get on finishing that…

-Wenselydale

P.S I've been snubbing the reviewers and truly feel bad about it, so from now on I'm going to be good about getting back to you all, but until then…reviewers you've got it going on, not in a gay way, just in a hey mates, wanted to say that your looking ok mates.


	11. Chapter 11

-Chapter 11-

"I can't believe I'm already heading back to Konoha I feel like my time in Sand went by so fast!"

"That may be because you were barely there a week." Neji said.

"Only that long! Damn, I thought I was there much longer."

"I think it may even be less then a week. You were there on your own for two days then we were on the mission for three days including travel."

"Uuug, why do you have to remind me of that mission? I can't believe I said all those things. Do you know what I said? I basically said 'ooooh lets start all over Sasuke, p.s fuck me.' See this is why I need you guys to be there, to stop me from saying stupid shit like that."

"Some how I feel as though we couldn't have stopped you." Shikamaru added in.

"Don't worry, I vow never to talk about Sasuke again… so what do you guys want to talk about?" Naruto asked hoping for a distraction.

"Why don't we talk about what a bad idea it was to drink last night and how we are never doing it again." Shikamaru stated

"Hear, hear" Neji agreed. "At least we didn't get into the realm of Lee's crazy reactions to drinking."

"You know who also has a crazy reaction to drinking? The Irish. There is a theory that every great piece of Irish literature started with a beer, which makes me wonder about Yeats… you know, Sasuke introduced me to Yeats."

"How do you do that?" Shikamaru asked looking at him in disbelief

"What?"

"You have the crazy ability to connect anything to Sasuke Uchiha."

Naruto's eyes widen at the realization of what he had just done. "Guys, I need your help. Whenever I mention Sasuke I need you to hit me."

"With pleasure." Neji said cracking his knuckles.

"So we certainly got a lot of sun in sand." Shikamaru mentioned off handedly trying to help Naruto by distracting him.

"Yeah, I know, we're regular lizards." Naruto added.

"Lizards" Neji asked

"Yes, they enjoy sunning themselves, not too different from meditation when you think about it."

"I never really understood meditation." Neji humphed

"Me neither but it seems to help Sasu….OOOW did you have to hit me that hard?

"Sorry" Neji said with a completely unremorseful smirk.

"Forget it! Clearly have to disciple myself. Shikamaru, do you have an extra hair tie?"

"Sure." Shikamaru said passing Naruto his extra hair tie.

Naruto put it around his wrist and pulled it out to give himself an experimental snap on the wrist. "See, whenever I say or think anything about Sasuke I give the band a snap as punishment."

"Like Pavlov." Shikamaru said.

"That name rings a bell." Neji replied.

"Har har. More precisely you're training yourself just like a smoker." Shikamaru said matter-of- factly.

"That's right, just like a smoker." Naruto agreed.

** THWACK **

The sound of the rubber band caused Shikamaru and Neji to stop, turn and stare at Naruto.

"Sasuke Smokes" he explained calmly to his stunned looking friends.

Still wide-eyed Neji turned to Shikamaru and attempted to shift the topic of conversation. "Are you thinking of using more guerilla tactics next time?"

"No, I think the best way we can approach this is by trying to flush him out with sheer numbers."

"Ah, Russian war tactics" Neji replied.

**Thwack **

"Seriously Naruto how did you get from Russian War Tactics to Sasuke Uchiha?" Neji turned to ask.

"You don't want to know." Naruto said back.

"That can't be healthy." Neji said as he and Shikamaru shook their heads in disapproval.

--

Several hours and two bruised wrists later Naruto and his company were within sight of the gate of Konoha.

**Thwack **

"Naruto, maybe you should do that softer or only do it every other time you think of Sasuke, you've already had to switch wrists because you bruised the other one so badly, you're running out of wrists." Shikamaru commented.

"Nope, the sooner I stop thinking about you know who and get out of Konoha the better."

"Not using his name doesn't mean your not thinking about him." Neji snickered.

"Shit, your right! I owe myself about a hundred more snaps."

"Neji, stop being a jackass. Naruto maybe it's best to put your training on hold while you're in Konoha. People already think your weird I don't think snapping yourself every other second is going to help improve your image." Shikamaru cut in before Naruto could do anymore damage to himself.

Naruto took of the hair tie and put it into his pocket before passing through the gates. "Thanks for the advise Shikamaru, this only gives me more reason to get the hell out of Konoha as soon as I can, in fact I'm going to go straight to my medical exam!"

"There's a strategist in you yet." Shikamaru commented.

"Really?" Naruto asked excitedly

"Not a chance in hell." Shikamaru said giving Naruto a pat on the back before disappearing into the streets of Konoha.

When Naruto looked around he saw that Neji had disappeared too. "Damn it! I was going to pester him about Gaara more."

Even though he had barely been gone a week it was weird to be back in Konoha passing by all the people he knew. He waved to Ino who was working inside the flower shop. For a split second he swore he saw Sasuke pass him, but the moment he turned around he had disappeared.

Finally he was at the hospital. It was comforting that it hadn't changed while he was away. As he walked through the hallways toward the exam wing familiar nurses waved and winked at him as he passed. He entered exam room one to find Sakura sitting on a stool flipping through a rather thick file.

"You're doing my exam?" Naruto asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, Tsunade has me working in the clinic when we don't have emergency patients."

"There is no way I'm going bare pickle in front of you."

"How long has it been sense you had one of these exam? I suppose you always miss them because you're in the hospital anyway." Sakura muttered. "We no longer perform that kind of examination. I just need you to lie down so I can examine you using my Chakra."

"Oh, ok. Do you want me to at least take off my shoes or something?"

"That would be nice." Sakura said motioning him toward the exam table.

"So I just lay down then?"

"Yes." Sakura said, clearly beginning to lose her patience.

There was a warm tingling sensation that went through his body as Sakura began to focus her chakra and hovering her hands six inches or so above his body back and forth. Occasionally she would pause for a few seconds to write something down in his file but then she would resume. About three minutes later she stopped completely. "Ok, and you're done!" she said, offering a hand to help him up.

"Really, that's it? No poking or prodding or anything."

"Yep, that's it. You're free to go."

"… I came all the way back to Konoha for that?" he said glaring at her as he strapped back on his sandals.

"Afraid so." She said pushing him out the door. "Now if you don't mind I have work to do."

"So I'm fine then? There's nothing wrong with me? No internal wounds or abnormal growths?"

"None."

"Ok, I guess I'll go home now."

"You go ahead and do that." She said closing the door to the exam room.

Naruto began wondering what to do with all this extra time. He knew he could wander around town to drop in on his friends but he didn't dare in fear that he would run into Sasuke. It was a good thing he wasn't wearing his rubber band because everything in Konoha reminded him of Sasuke and team 7. _Yeah it's probably a good idea just to head home_. He reasoned. He was safe at home. His stomach lurched out in protest. _Ok maybe I'll get some groceries first._

He walked up the stairs in his apartment complex and made his way to his door. He dug around in his bag for a forgotten key that was normally more conveniently place. He opened the door and began to slip off his shoes. "I'm home" he called out to no one in particular. He stepped up into his house and put down his bag of groceries and his traveling pack then began to stretch his arms. _If I leave by… _

Before he could do or think anything else somebody slammed him up against a wall. He had half a second to realize it was Sasuke before he felt lips violently come crashing down on him. The moment was slightly reminiscent of the last fight he had been in, only this was about a hundred times more confusing. It took him a few seconds to completely process what had just happened and react. He reacted in a way that would make any of his friends proud, he drew his arm back as far as he could and punched Sasuke square in the face.

"No. You can't just come here and expect things to be how they were. Besides there is no kissing, your rule."

"Yeah, but it was a stupid rule." Sasuke said before leaning forward to kiss him again.

Despite everything his body was telling him he continued to fight back. "No" he muttered in the second he managed to push away. "Fair." He said completing his thought when he managed to push away again. "You can't… " He was about to punch Sasuke again but he lost all reasonable thought when Sasuke put a leg between his and began to grind against him while at the same time he felt a tongue plunge into his open mouth. The multiple sensations were overwhelming. He was getting aroused and he knew Sasuke felt it.

When Sasuke pulled away for a few seconds to start removing clothing Naruto gave his last pathetic attempt to get rid of Sasuke. "I just got a medical exam nnmm," Naruto moaned as Sasuke began sucking on his neck while removing his jacket. " I have an STD." It was a pathetic excuse, but it was all he could come up with.

"Hopefully it's syphilis so you'll finally have an excuse for your craziness." Sasuke said pushing Naruto back against the wall and lifting his leg up to his hip.

"But what if I lose my nose? Will you still have sex with me if I don't have a nose" Naruto said reaching his arms around Sasuke's neck to play with the ends of his hair.

"As long as you ass is fine. But we better have lots of sex before it advances to that stage just incase." Sasuke said before kissing him again and lifting his other up to wrap around him.

"I assume you want to start now then?" Naruto moaned as Sasuke began giving the tender zone under his ear attention.

"Yeah, but not if you actually have syphilis."

"You caught me, it's Chlamydia." Naruto joked

"I think I can deal with a little Chlamydia." Sasuke said as he began to slide them closer to the door of his bedroom. Suddenly Naruto was glad he lived in such a small apartment. He tightened his grip when he realized the wall was ending.

For a ninja Sasuke was surprisingly bad at lifting him while undressing. Sasuke lost his grip a couple of times before he gave up and fell to the floor along with Naruto. He felt himself getting pushed against the side of the bed as Sasuke began working off his black t-shirt. "What is it with you and hard surfaces?" Naruto complained. "The bed is right there! Get off your lazy ass and lift us up the two feet."

"I'm sorry," Sasuke said sarcastically while scratching his forehead. "Maybe you should get off your lazy ass because it seems to me that I already do most of the physical work in this relationship."

"Ok" Naruto said as he leaned forward and tossed Sasuke on the bed behind him before getting up himself and pouncing on the poor dark hair male who seemed to be in shock. "It makes sense. You came crawling back to me so I should be on top. " He couldn't tell if Sasuke's eye were wide in shock or terror. "Don't get too excited, you're not man enough to take my enormous cock up you ass I just want to be above you. It seems to be a fitting place for the future Hokage." Naruto smiled as he straddled Sasuke.

In response the Uchiha reached an arm behind his head and pulled him down so there faces were mere inches apart. "I'm glad we're kissing now because the only other way I can think to shut you up is to gag you."

"Kinky" The blond smirked as he leaned over to his bed side table and started digging through the drawer in search of a tube of anything that would make this easy on his ass. _Damn I know I must have something in here. _

"Naruto what are you doing?"

"Something important so just shut up before _I _have to gag _you._" He said as he tried to move them so he could dig deeper into the drawer while still keeping his position above Sasuke. _Fuck where is it._

"Dobe."

"What!" he burst out.

"Look at me." He turned to look at Sasuke who was holding up a small tube.

"Where did you find this? And while we're on the topic, how did you get into my apartment."

"Could we stop talking, it's killing the mood."

"Oh please, the mood died when you dropped me on the floor so start talking Houdini." Naruto said as he snatched the tube away from Sasuke and squirt some into his palm to start warming it.

"Well genius, the lube was _on top_ of you bedside table, and just a piece of advise, hiding your key under a tacky ceramic frog isn't very clever, especially if you live in an apartment buildaaaaah." Yes the perfect comeback to Sasuke's sharp tongue; a hand job.

"Hey Sasuke"

"What." The Uchiha said trying to catch his breath.

"I think I revived the mood you killed." He said leaning forward to push his mouth against Sasuke's while he slowly and carefully tried to impale himself with some assistance from his dark haired friend.

It was as though their kissing brought their lovemaking into a new dimension. Tongues darted in and our in time with rhythmic thrusting. Naruto was beginning to understand why Sasuke like being on top; the view was amazing. He was completely in control and he loved it. He pulled away from the Uchiha's face as things began to speed up. _Do I make such funny faces? _He thought as he looked down at Sasuke. He was probably making them right now. He couldn't help it; he was so close now it was almost painful.

All the build up made his eventual release feel that much better. Better yet was the fact that it seemed Sasuke wasn't that far behind which meant he got to see all of Sasuke's expressions as he lost control, it was almost as good as a second orgasm. After his friend finished he collapsed on top of his dark haired friend only to get lightly rolled off onto the bed.

While he was lying back on his bed covered in a thin layer of sweat and smelling like sex he realized he had done exactly what Shikamaru had told him not to. _Fuck. _He knew it was wrong but he didn't regret it. _I mean it isn't as though I'm getting involved with some sort of criminal or murder, it's Sasuke… ok bad example_.

"Sasuke" Naruto panted. "I don't understand you, one day you're laughing in my face and pushing me away, and the next day your sucking my face and pushing me against a wall. What am I to you, I lover, a nuisance, great sex?"

"You're my best friend."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"It means you're all three."

"Does that mean you'll get mad at me again?"

"That's pretty much a given, but I probably won't try to push you out into the rain again because your sweet ass is to great a temptation."

"I can't believe you're using me for my ass." Naruto grumbled.

"Not just your ass, your mouth it pretty useful too when it's not talking." Sasuke said as Naruto Sulked "But if I were using you for just those things I would have left by now."

"Then why are you still here?" Naruto said leaning himself toward Sasuke.

"I suppose you make decent company when you aren't being a complete dumb ass."

"I'm much more then just decent company, I'm the coolest person you know!"

"That says a great deal about my life" He heard Sasuke mutter to himself.

"Did I tell you that I'm in a band?"

"Is that right?"

"Well, it's still in the planning stages but it's going to be awesome." He mused. "Hey Sasuke, do you play any instruments?"

"Sure, I play the piano. My mom forced me to take lessons when I was a kid. Itachi took violin but _he_ quit." Sasuke said as though his persistence made him greater then his brother in some way. "I suppose I quit too, but that's because he killed our family. I bet I'd still be pretty good at it though."

The wheels were turning inside Naruto's head. "Screw Gaara and the others, let's form our own band!"

"What would our name be?"

"How about, 'The Naruto Uzumaki band'?"

"Veto!" Sasuke said forming his hands into an x.

"What! That was a great name! Ok how about 'The Sasuke performs naked band'?"

"VETO!"

"But, think of the fans Sasuke, think of the fans!"

"How about ' Michael Collins's revenge'?" Sasuke Suggested.

"Whose Michael Collins?" (1)

"Exactly."

"We're not naming our band after some guy nobodies heard of! Anyway the name isn't important right now, what's important is that it's you and me." Naruto said snuggling closer and closing his eyes. "You're not going to drop out of the band right?"

"Wouldn't dream of it." Sasuke said as he too closed his eyes. "You're not serious about the band right?"

"Nope." Naruto smiled.

"Good." Sasuke said rubbing his blond hair affectionately. Their peaceful nap was interrupted when Naruto's stomach growled. He had forgotten how hungry he was. Sasuke stared at him in shock.

"Don't worry about it, the noise goes away after awhile and my butt hurts too much to bother getting up to feed myself."

"I'll get up and cook then." Sasuke said.

"Really?" Naruto asked with wide eyes and a dropped jaw.

"Don't act so surprised, we need to keep your butt in good condition right?" Sasuke said as he pulled himself out of the bed and pulled on his boxers. Naruto watched as Sasuke lifted up his black t-shirt and waved it at him. "I can borrow this right? I think my shirt is still out in the hall."

"Sure, I think it suits you." Naruto laughed out when he noticed how the shirt was just a little too large for Sasuke.

"There isn't so ridiculous spiral I'm not seeing right?" Sasuke asked, trying to look at the back of the shirt.

"No, I just think my clothes look good on you, that's all."

"You have the right ingredients for ramen right?"

"Yeah, in the plastic bag in the hall way."

"Really Naruto, Plastic? I thought you'd be a little more considerate and at least use a canvas bag." Sasuke joked.

"Give me a break I just got back. No bodies perfect, in fact now would be a good time to mention that you smell a little funky."

"And whose fault is that for cumming all over me?"

"It hardly got everywhere, it's not a freaking sprinkler!" Naruto's stomach grumbled again.

" Ramen." Sasuke said pointing to the door.

"Right." Naruto said as though giving Sasuke permission to leave.

Naruto tried to close his eyes for a few minutes but he found the bed was a lot less comfortable without Sasuke in it. He distracted himself by trying to figure out what Sasuke was doing. Through the walls of his apartment he could hear the sounds of cooking and soft humming. _Humming?_ He got up and sat at the end of the bed to see if he could hear any better. Sure enough Sasuke was humming. This was too great an opportunity to pass up. He got out of bed, pulled on his boxers, and crept to the doorway of the kitchen.

"Is a member of the great and proud Uchiha Clan allowed to hum?" Naruto Laughed. "Let me revise that, is a member of the Great and Proud Uchiha Clan allowed to hum children's songs?"

"You know Naruto, I think it's time I passed on some wisdom," Sasuke said as he picked up a rather heavy looking stirring spoon. "He who laughs last, cries first!" he yelled throwing the spoon at Naruto's head but the blond managed to dodge the attack.

Luckily Sasuke wasn't angry enough to deprive him of the ramen that had just finished cooking. "You know what you're problem is Sasuke." Naruto said as soon as the ramen was set down safely in front of him.

"I only have one?" Sasuke said fishing though Naruto's drawers for chopsticks.

"I mean aside from the whole BO thing" Naruto said clutching the bowl of ramen as Sasuke glared at him across the room. "You're too proud."

"You mean like hubris?" Sasuke said as he finally found two pairs of chopsticks.

"No I don't think you're very humorous." Naruto said as he grabbed a pair of chopsticks from Sasuke.

"Hue-bur-us, excessive pride."

"Yeah that works I guess. Itadakimasu." He said before taking his first bite of Ramen. He was surprised to see Sasuke standing there as though awaiting approval. He caught Sasuke's eyes and smiled. "It's pretty terrible." He watched his friends eyes widened in shock. "It looks like you're going to have to come over every day and make it for me in order to get sufficient practice." He said before taking another bite.

"Stupid dobe." Sasuke muttered before reaching his chopsticks into Naruto's bowl and grabbing the largest piece of pork.

In Naruto's world there was no need for conversation when there ramen. Talk was cheap and ramen was priceless. Now, however, for the first time ever he felt like crying out in protest. "Sasuke, if you're going to share with me you can't keep taking the best bits!"

"Why don't you eat them then?"

"Because I save them for last!"

"You really are an idiot." Sasuke said reaching for the last noodle

"So what do you want to do now?" Naruto said looking down at the empty bowl.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking" Sasuke smirked.

"Sure, but how are we going to fit all those walruses into that pickle jar."

He was surprised that Sasuke didn't hit him being silly; instead he stood there stroking his chin. "I don't know, but we're clever so I'm sure we'll figure it out."

"Enough flattery, just fuck me already." He said launching himself at his dark haired friend.

He was glad there was less clothes to take off this time, and that his kitchen wasn't in it's usual state of mess, he was however, less happy about being pushed against yet another hard surface.

"Ok Sasuke, we talked about this, no walls, floor, tables or any other hard surfaces if you're going to be inflicting pain on my butt. You want to keep me happy, I'm your best friend, I practically your brother." _Ok maybe not the best time to bring that up, if that isn't a mood killer I don't know what is._

"I think my attraction to you make sense now, I have some major brother issues." Sasuke smiled as he lifted him much more skillfully than the other day. _Could it be Sasuke only dropped me because he was nervous or something?_

"I think you may have some aggression issues as well."

"Probably." Sasuke smirked. Naruto was again glad he lived in such a small apartment, there was practically no time between kitchen table and bed.

"We've got to be the horniest couple I know." Naruto muttered between sloppy wet kisses.

"Yeah we're pretty fucked up." Sasuke said as he leaned his forehead against Naruto's and worked off the rest of his clothes.

"That was a terrible pun." Naruto smirked as he assisted Sasuke with removing his slightly oversized-shirt, happy he hadn't bothered putting on a shirt himself.

"It's hard to be clever when you're horny."

"Too true." He muttered. The bed was still a mess from their last round; come to think of it they were still a mess from their last round. He laughed when he noticed that the ends of Sasuke's normally well-defined spikes of hair looked a little frizzy.

"I think I like being on top better but we can switch off every now and then." The Uchiha whispered into his ear. _ My house is definitely going to smell like a monkey cage._

--

This was bad, he had just done what Shikamaru had told him not to, again, and again. He really had to think before he acted now he was left in the aftermath trying to sort everything out.

"Ok, so I think I may be about 3 organism too late for this question but, Why Sasuke, why did you come back?" _Was it because he jealous of Gaara, or got really worried when he saw I was sent out on my own?_

"You're my best friend"

That was not the answer he wanted. "Yeah I've heard that one before." Naruto muttered.

"But you're in love with me." _ He really didn't need to bring that up_ "so I know what you really want to know is not why I came back, but if I'm in love with you too." His heart started beating faster as his body shivered in anticipation. "I don't love you Naruto." It was the answer he had been expecting but it still made his guts twist uncomfortably to hear it said out loud so casually. "But we both want this, so why should we question it?"

"Because I'm not sure I want this anymore." Naruto said attempting tot get up so he could spend the rest of the night on his couch away from the temptation of Sasuke, but as he did so Sasuke grabbed one of his hands and brought it to his chest.

"I may not love you but my heart beats faster when I'm with you. Isn't that enough?"

"I don't know, my heart beats faster every time I see the shower scene in Psycho so I'll have to get back to you on that one." Naruto sighed as he finally gave in and laid back down on the bed facing Sasuke who was already falling asleep. _How come every time he casts me out he manages to reel me back in? _Naruto reached out to brush the Uchiha's hair out of his face.

Sasuke groaned. "Nnn, ursuratonkachi, I'm trying to sleep." He muttered before turning away from him exposing his bare back. There was a tattoo on the dark haired man's left shoulder that he didn't recognize but he smiled when he saw it. _The Uchiha symbol. _It was suited him. His fingers reached out and traced it. He was surprised that the figure didn't flinch but only sighed.

Wait he had seen this somewhere before. It was almost as though it had already happened. "Sasuke, when'd you get the tattoo?"

"Mmm, about 2 weeks ago."

"It healed fast."

"I am a ninja after all." The Uchiha moaned.

"Hey Sasuke?"

"What?" the voice sounded slightly annoyed, perhaps because he was keeping him awake.

"I think I can see into the future."

"Great, wake me up when you can see dead people too."

_Ok maybe that did sound a little weird_. Naruto thought to himself as drifted off to sleep. _Maybe it was just a coincidence. _

--

It had pretty much become an expectation of Naruto's that when he fell asleep with Sasuke he would wake up alone. This morning was no different. Naruto somehow managed to roll out of bed and sift though the room in search of his clothes. Once he was somewhat dressed he made his way to the kitchen where he guessed Sasuke would be. Just as he expected Sasuke was sitting at his table reading a book wearing his shirt and drinking the last of his green tea.

"You know you're going to have to give that shirt back eventually."

"I'll take it as a replacement for the shirt you stole from me."

"You mean the shirt you graciously lent me. I swear I gave that back to you." Naruto said looking through his fridge to see what he had left in the way of food. Sasuke didn't respond so Naruto looked over at him seeing that he was being ignored in favor of a book. "What book are you reading?" Naruto asked finally giving up his search for food.

"Hemingway, For Whom the Bell Tolls." (2)

Naruto pouted as he took a seat across from Sasuke staring at the cover of the book. "What makes that book so important anyway?" he grumbled.

"Because it tolls for thee man, because it tolls for thee." Sasuke said taking another sip of tea.

"Who cares, I'm much more interesting then this hemingstreet guy."

"Hemingway, it's Hemingway dobe."

"Whatever it doesn't make his book any more interesting to have his name pronounced correctly."

"No, but it does make you a dumb ass."

Naruto stood up and walk across the kitchen the turned toward Sasuke having finally come up with the perfect comeback.

"Shot through the heart and your to blame. Darling you give looove a bad name!" Naruto Sang across the kitchen to Sasuke who was staring at him with a confused look on his face. "It's Bon Jovi." Sasuke still looked confused. "Seriously, you expect me to know Hemingway but you've never even heard of Bon Jovi? You are seriously lacking culture. It's a good thing you have me." He said as he walked up to Sasuke and patted him on the back.

"So how exactly do you plan on introducing me to the high culture of Bon Jovi?" Sasuke asked sarcastically.

"That's a good question. You know people always ask me 'Naruto how are you so hyped so much of the time?'"

"More like, did you forget to take your medication?" Sasuke muttered rolling his eyes.

"And the answer is Naruto Uzumaki's super special awesome get psyched mega-mix extreme!… to the max!" he said slamming a burned CD onto the table in front of Sasuke who picked it up and started reading the name of the tracks.

"You give love a bad name by Bon Jovi, Don't stop me now by Queen, It's the end of the world as we know … that doesn't sound like an upbeat song."

"You'll have to trust me on that one."

"You know Naruto, The hardest part of listening to REM is telling your friends you're gay." Sasuke said turning toward him.

"See, that joke doesn't work so well when you use it on the guy you're fucking."

"True." Sasuke said as he looked back down at the CD. He watched as Sasuke scanned the rest of the names waiting for a response. "You spelled Gorillas wrong."

"No they spell it with a z"

"But not two r's, and what is this band 'the hilltop hoods?'"

"Yeah, they're a pretty awesome group in the genre of world music/ hip hop… mainly hip hop I just called them world music because there from Australia." (3)

"I see." Sasuke sighed and tossed the CD into his bag and picking up his book again. "I hope I don't need Ritalin by the time I'm done with that CD."

"That's pretty much a given." Naruto smiled before leaning down to kiss the exposed back of the Uchiha's neck. He knew he was doing a good job sucking and nibbling when Sasuke spoke out in protest.

"Naruto, quit it, I'm trying to read."

_Not a chance in hell_. He thought as he continued his work upwards taking an earlobe in his mouth and nibbling on it ever so lightly before releasing it to whisper into Sasuke's ear. "But wouldn't you rather fuck me?" He wrapped his arms around his black haired friend and began running his hand up and down under Sasuke's shirt while he continued sucking and nibbling on the ear he had become very fond of.

He heard Sasuke slam the book and tilt his head upward to look him in the eye. "Alright let's do this you little attention whore."

"Guilty" he moaned as Sasuke began kissing him under his chin. "I like manipulating situations to my liking."

"I think I like this situation too." Sasuke said before finally reaching a hand up to grab Naruto's chin to direct his lips downward. They hovered a centimeter away from each other for a few seconds mingling breath until…

**Briiiiiing **

_Not now? No one ever comes to see me why does someone have to ring the doorbell right now? I'm not even supposed to be here!_

"Dobe, you should get that" Sasuke said tipping his head back down and starting to flip through the book to find his lost place.

Naruto grabbed the book from his hand and shook it at him as though he were scolding a child. "No way mister, there is no way I am losing out to this book again. When I get back we will continue making out then proceed to have sex, understood?"

"Yes sir" Sasuke snickered sarcastically giving Naruto a half-hearted salute. Naruto ignored it and made his way to his front door, grumbling the whole way. He opened the door to see Sakura standing there.

"What?" he asked

"Sorry to bother you Naruto, it's just I was looking over your medical files and compared them to your most recent check up and there seems to be a few irregularities."

"Irregularities?" _It would almost be funny if I had syphilis._

"Don't worry, you're fine. There were irregularities with the Kyuubi."

"Kyuubi?" That was news to him the Kyuubi hadn't let him know there was anything wrong. In fact he hadn't even talked to the fox in awhile.

"Yes, me and Tsunade have some theories but we think it would be best to discuss them in her office in about 20 minutes."

"Oi, Naruto! Get back here and stop putting off that sex you promised… oh yeah and bring back my book while you're at it." He heard Sasuke shout from the kitchen. Unfortunately that meant Sakura had heard as well.

Sakura raised an eyebrow at him. "Yeah, yeah I get it. I'll be there in 20 minutes." He mumbled in Sakura's general direction.

"Are you sure you don't need anymore time?" Sakura said wagging her eyebrows up and down.

"I'll be there." he said slamming the door in her face. He walked back into and threw Sasuke's book at him. "Here you can have your stupid book back. Who needs sex when Kyuubi manages to fuck me over all the time?"

"That's really too bad." Sasuke was ignoring him again turning all his attention back to that stupid book.

"I was hoping to talk to Neji before I ship out to sand again so I'm heading out now. I guess this is goodbye. You'll put the key back under the ceramic frog on your way out right?" Naruto said leaning over Sasuke puckering his lips in hopes of getting a goodbye kiss.

"How about you come back here for quickie before you leave and you can put your own damn key back under that ridiculous frog." Sasuke grumbled.

"Ooooh, Sasuke I can't, I'm sorry, I really need to get back. Gaara has already pushed these meetings back once I can't ask him to do it again." Naruto whined.

"Oh well, I guess I'll see you when you get back." Sasuke said. To anyone but Naruto it would appear all Sasuke did was tip his head back down to continue reading, but Naruto knew this was Sasuke's way of pouting.

"How quick of a quickie?" Naruto relented pleased to see Sasuke tipped his head back up.

"Faster then you can say 'Gaara is a home breaker.'" Sasuke said before craning his head up to give Naruto a quick kiss.

"Mmm, I don't know, it might be tough to think of Gaara's name when you have your dick up my ass." Naruto said leaning down to kiss him again, surprised at how something that was off limits before so easily became habit.

"You're good Naruto Uzamaki, but stroking my ego won't keep me from killing him."

"Yeah but it will help postpone his death." Naruto said exiting the kitchen, leaving Sasuke behind.

--

He walked to the edge of the training grounds to find Neji exactly where he expected him to be. He began to wonder how to tactfully begin this conversation but he decided tact was over rated.

"So when are you going to listen to me and fuck Gaara."

"How about never? Is never good for you?"

"I don't see why you're resisting this so much."

"I don't see why you're pushing this so much."

"I think you guys would get along well. Both of you have weird forehead tattoo things, you're both kinda thick headed and quiet, and you both have just a touch of pessimism."

"Just let it go Naruto."

"I can't. I just want to help my two friends be happy." He could tell Neji was getting frustrated when his light punches got harder.

"Help me be happy?" Neji laughed "you have no idea what it feels like to have the person you love look past you as though you were nothing because the only person he sees with those raccoon eyes of his is an idiot whose always trying to senselessly help people. You can't even go out to collect sticks without trying to help some poor lost cause. I'm not one of your poor dumb foxes so stop convincing yourself that I need your help because I don't, just stop digging into scabs that are still healing."

Naruto stood dumbfounded watching Neji punch so hard that he began to break out into a sweat. That hadn't been the response he was expecting. All he could do was back away and leave Neji alone. _Off to see the hokage I guess. _

--

The atmosphere in the Hokage's office was tense. Finally Tsunade broke the silence. "So which do you want first the bad news or the worst news." _That sounded optimistic._

"The worst news I guess."

"You're going to die."

"Yeah I suppose that really is the worst news, care to be more specific, is this an immediate impending death, will I live to the end of this meeting?" (4)

"Well that brings us to the bad news." Sakura replied.

--

(1)The 3rd man on the Apollo 11 mission to the moon. You might recognize the other two names: Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin. History definitely gave him the shaft.

(2) It's interesting to compare what characters are reading to what they are feeling so I feel a one sentence summary wouldn't be out of place. It's about an American fighting in the Spanish civil war who, after meeting a woman, begins to rethink his death wish.

(3) Oooh the hilltop hoods, the love of your music is my secret shame.

(4) Spoiler alert: yes

A/N Zounds! This Chapter was one long clever dialog orgy, I know it must get to some of you but I love it. Even so a lot happened ne? I never do this but for all our benefit (including mine) lets review to avoid any confusion shall we?

Neji likes Gaara who likes Naruto whose in love with Sasuke who he is trying to get over, but gives up that plan when Sasuke shows returned interest in him by molesting him in his home, yet still denies any serious attachment. In the mean time something's up with Kyuubi that is going to kill Naruto if the serial killer who is still at large doesn't kill him first. Oh yeah and Naruto can see the future, but that's neither here nor there.

Wow I don't know about you but that just made me more confused, looks like I'm going to have to update soon so some of this mess gets sorted out.

-Wensleydale

P.S I'm tired of spelling characters names wrong and I have no more pride. Anyone want to beta?


	12. Chapter 12

-Chapter 12-

"You best be getting on with the talking Sakura, it's not everyday a guy here's he's going to die."

"Be patient, I'm trying to figure out a way to put this delicately." Sakura said as she began to look very nervous.

"There's nothing delicate about dying so just get on with it."

"Just remember, this is all just speculative theory…" she was beginning to sweat now.

"Sakura!"

"Ok ok kyubiisreleasingchakrasimilartothatofapregnantwoman."

"You're going to have to run that by me one more time."

Tsunade took over for Sakura who was literally shaking. "Kyuubi is releasing chakra similar to that of a pregnant woman."

The wheels started turning in Naruto's head. "So I'm pregnant?"

"Don't be ridiculous Naruto. Men can't get pregnant" Tsunade laughed, "We think the spirit fox that is sealed within your body is pregnant."

"Because that is so much more plausible." He muttered. "How is that even possible isn't Kyuubi male as well?"

Sakura who seemed to have recovered rolled her eyes and walked to the Hokage's bookshelf. "You really didn't pay any attention in old Japanese did you?" she took out a book and began flipping through the pages before stopping on her desired page then held up the book for him to see. "The story of the wicked fox _lady_." Sakura then slammed the book in his face and placed it back on the shelf.

"I always sort of assumed it was a different evil fox demon."

"It probably is" Tsunade took over again. "But even if what you say is true and the fox is male it could possibly happen due to the fact that you chakra is separated into yin, female. And yang, male."

"This is getting less and less plausible the more we discuss it." Naruto grumbled.

"Listen, I'm not overly concerned about how this happened, if it makes you feel any better it's entirely plausible, in fact more likely, that the demon fox manipulated it's own chakra in order to trick us into releasing it so it can kill everyone in the village." Tsunade

"Releasing it? Are you crazy?"

"Well it can't very well bear children inside you, that would kill you."

"So I'm going to live?!" Naruto asked excitedly.

"No you're pretty much doomed. You have about a 73 chance of dying when we release the demon and if you live through that depending on how long the demon is outside you body, the more likely it is you will die when reseal it in your body, and the chances of you surviving that are already pretty slim." The Hokage explained.

"But that means there is a chance I will survive."

Sakura took over for the Hokage and began explaining. "There have only been three recorded cases in history where a person has survived having a demon resealed in their body. The first made it about 18 hours, the second made it two whole days, and the most successful resealing lasted six months before the vessel died."

Tsunade interjected "and this is assuming the Kyuubi is actually pregnant and not tricking us."

"This is fucked up shit." Naruto responded.

"Well it is peculiar…" Sakura conceded

"No, peculiar is when you wake up and a birthmark you thought was on your right shoulder is actually on your left. Having a demon fox, a spirit of a demon fox mind you, in your body be pregnant, that is FUCKED UP SHIT!"

"Naruto, calm down!" the Hokage demanded.

"No! This is the one time in my life when I am perfectly justified in cursing and screaming my lungs out, so I am going to fucking curse and SCREAM MY FUCKING LUNGS OUT!"

Tsunade sat at her desk completely unaffected by the yelling. "Are you quite done?"

"GET ME OUT OF HERE JAMESY!"(1) There were a few moments of silence before Naruto spoke again "It was worth a try. Yeah I think I'm done now." He said calming down a little.

"Good news is if it's pregnant we can pretty much infer due to the amount of chakra that there are only going to be two, this is good news, foxes are known to have up to 14 in a litter." Sakura added in for consideration.

"Sakura, your not helping me keep calm."

"Sorry" Sakura muttered and stepped back behind the Hokage.

"Naruto, it is needless to say you are not going to be resuming your diplomatic duties in Suna." He slumped his head in disappointment. "It is vital that you check in with Sakura daily so we can monitor you carefully to figure out exactly what is going on. If the Kyuubi really is faking this and we figure that out before we release it there is a chance this could all go away like a bad dream."

"I think this is the first time I'm hoping Kyuubi just wants to kill people." Naruto sighed

"Even though this is still all speculation I think it's important you tell Sasuke as soon as possible." Tsunade said shuffling paper work on her desk around.

_Great this will do wonders for our already shaky relationship. _"Is there anyway we can keep him out of this?"

"Naruto, you seem to not understand your place in all this, you are neither the mother or father, you are the martyr. All decision are up to Sasuke, that is my final word. You have to tell him or else I will be forced to do it myself." The Hokage sighed. "We are done here, I know you have a lot of questions which we will give you answers to once we have more information."

For some surprising reason, perhaps because of extreme shock, Naruto was extremely calm. "I assume there is going to be someone to replace my duties in sand."

"Yes, that is correct." The Hokage said raising an eyebrow.

"May I suggest Neji Hyuuga" Naruto said smirking evilly.

The Hokage smiled back at him. "I think that is a great idea."

Satisfied Naruto left the room and closed the door. He was about to leave when he heard talking from behind the closed door.

"Do you really think it's possible that the Kyuubi is pregnant?" Sakura asked.

"It doesn't matter what I think because there seems to be no way of avoiding Kyuubi's release."

"But what about Naruto?"

"Releasing the demon is in his best interest, it's the best chance he has to survive all this. With Sasuke around the whole thing should run rather smoothly."

_What?_

"Isn't there someone else who could do it?"

"I'm afraid not, dealing with the nine tails requires an Uchiha. You know this is the first time I've hoped a demon was pregnant, if the Kyuubi was really plotting something I'm not sure we could stand up to it."

"The children of the demon fox and an Uchiha, those would be fearsome children indeed!"

"It's a good thing Sasuke is on our side. Have you looked into the patient who came it with the poisoned kunai wound?"

"Yes we managed to…" the conversation was getting boring now so instead of sticking around he decided to head home.

Some where between the Hokage's office and his apartment it dawned on him exactly what had happened. _Kyuubi might be pregnant and I have to tell Sasuke._ For some reason it was the telling Sasuke part that made him uneasy. _I have to ease him into this to make sure he doesn't blow up. Fuck, how am I going to convince Sasuke of something I hardly believe myself._ Naruto realize all the meetings he had gone to were all leading up to this. This was real politics.

Now his head was filled with unanswered questions. _Will the kits be spirit demons? No Sasuke is the father, which means they are half human. Is Sasuke even the father? Could the Kyuubi have been whoring around with other spirit demons behind my back? Is it (she?) even pregnant or just playing mind games? It seems too perfect that this should happen right before my check up, but I did have a lot of sex. Can spirits even get pregnant from their vessels having sex? Uuug I'm giving myself a headache. _He said clutching his head.

_Fox, we need to talk…. Oy fox? Great it's fine and dandy for you to interrupt me during meetings but when we actually have to have a serious talk you run away with your tails between your legs I see how it is._

Finally he arrived at his door that was currently unlocked. _Great that means Sasuke is still here. _

"Todaima!"

"Okaeri" (2)

He would have been overjoyed that there was someone to welcome him home if he wasn't full of complete and utter dread about having to face Sasuke.

"How long are you here for? Don't you have to run off to Suna again?" He heard Sasuke yell to him from the living room where it looked as though he was sitting contently with a book in his lap.

"It seems as though I'm quite popular. Tsunade asked me to stay in Konoha." he got the nervous feeling in his stomach that he only got when he lied. _That wasn't a lie; that was selective truth_. He tried to convince himself.

He walked over to the couch and tried to get Sasuke's attention again but he was already lost in a book so he sighed and sat down next to him. "I suddenly have all this free time, how on earth am I going to fill it?" He asked trying to convey a not so subtle point that he was sure the Uchiha understood but was ignoring. Now that he was closer he noticed that one of his friends cheeks was slightly swollen. "What happened?" He reached out to touch it but got his hand slapped away.

"It's no big deal."

"Did you finally realize what a bastard you are and try to knock yourself?"

"Lets just say I'm never answering your door again." Sasuke sighed turning back to his book.

"Ok there is a story there and we both know I'm not going to stop nagging you about it until I hear it, so can we skip that part and just get on with the story?"

"Neji hit me."

"What?" Naruto said attempting to keep a straight face.

"I answered your door and I guess he was surprised to see me here because he hit me then told me he'd be back again later to talk about some crack team of ninja's Shikamaru is putting together. You'll probably have to change your training regime if you plan on going; it looks like you put on a little weight when you were in Suna. "

_Shit! What if Tsunade is wrong and I blow up like a balloon! Wait, I'm not even sure the Kyuubi is pregnant so I shouldn't be worried about this. It's just an evil demon plot, its just and evil demon plot, it's just an evil… _"Well this fatty is going to kick your wimpy skinny ass.

Sasuke closed his book and looked up at Naruto with glaring red eyes then sighed and rolled his eyes while he opened his book again. "We'll fight later. I'm sure you'll have plenty of time now that you're stuck in Konoha."

"I'll probably be busy with meetings and helping Iruka-sensei with the academy kids." Naruto sighed picking up a book of sudoku and a pen.

"In that area, you're a strong man than me. I can't stand kids." Sasuke said causally flipping a page.

Naruto's eye twitched a little but he remained composed as he flipped to find a sudoku he hadn't done. "Why not? Kids are fun."

"No they're not. They are loud, annoying, messy and smell funky." As Sasuke continued the twitching from his eye spread to his fingers that began to drum nervously over the spine of the book he was holding. "The biggest perk about being involve with you is that there is no chance of an accidental pregnancy that would lead to snot nosed bratty children."

"Yeah, how fortunate." Naruto said slamming his book shut a little harder then had intended then stood up a little too quickly. "I'm just going to head out for a bit, maybe pick up some groceries."

"Alright, it's getting pretty late in the afternoon so I'll probably leave after this chapter. We'll fight tomorrow." Sasuke called after him as he disappeared into the hallway as quickly as possible.

"We'll be in touch." He called back as he picked up his travel pack that was waiting for him by the door.

He slipped out the door and started making his way toward the Konoha gate. He didn't know where he was going; all he knew was that he needed to get out of Konoha. He was nearly to the gate when a voice stopped him.

"So what exactly were you planning on doing, skipping town and dying alone in the forest?"

He turned to see Sakura standing there with a bag of groceries in hand. "Actually I hadn't gotten that far in the plan but I guess that sounds fine."

"Come on lets go sit and talk somewhere." Sakura said dragging him away from the gate back into the center of town. They walked for a while until they reached a free bench away from the hustle and bustle of the main street. "Ok, talk."

"Sasuke hates kids."

"That isn't exactly breaking news. Sasuke hated kids when he was a kid."

"Yeah but assuming this whole Kyuubi thing does lead to kids where does that leave me?"

"I wouldn't worry to much about the pregnancy thing, no matter how excited we got over the idea not even Tsunade thinks it's a serious possibility. The Kyuubi is up to something, I'm not sure what, but it's something big."

"I'm not too worry, the Kyuubi needs me, at least for the moment."

"No Naruto, it doesn't and it never did. If it could it would dump you and leave you for dead without a second thought. What we're planning would give it the chance to finally do that. Listen to me, don't trust a word of what the Kyuubi tells you, foxes and tricksy and full of mind games. It's Evil and thinks only for it's self, remember that Naruto."

"So I'm still going to die?"

"Probably, for now the only plan we have is to release it but I'm sure we'll come up with something better in seven weeks, and if not then you'll die and I'll swoop up Sasuke for myself."

"You're joking right?" Naruto asked quirking and eyebrow.

"Right, joking." Sakura laughed uncomfortably. Rather tactfully she changed topics. "The lease runs out on your place in the next few weeks right? Do you need help looking for a new place?"

"Nah I think I'll just renew the lease no matter how much the land lady would love to see me go. She's been trying to get rid of me for years but she hasn't had an excuse to."

"Are you sure you don't want something bigger?" She subtly hinted. "It might get a little crowded."

"I thought you said you didn't think the Kyuubi was actually pregnant!"

"Idiot! I wasn't talking about demon children I was talking about Sasuke!"

"Why should I even bother I'm just going to die right?"

"Oh get over it we just gave you the worst case scenario so you would take this seriously."

Instantly Naruto burst out laughing. "Yeah Kyuubi getting pregnant does sound a bit ridiculous." He heard Sakura burst out laughing as well.

"Yeah it really does sound like a load of donkey's kidneys." Sakura said as she settled down a little. "Hey why don't we go out for a drink? I can keep Sai waiting a little longer"

"I know this whole thing is probably a hoax and that doesn't matter because I'm not the one whose pregnant anyway but I feel weird about the whole drinking thing, just in case."

"Come on, don't be a pussy! The first round is on me." Sakura begged.

"Alright, then my first drink will be a glass of Johnnie Walker Blue." (3)

"You're joking right?"

"Right, joking." Naruto said then proceeded to stick his tongue out at her.

"You'll drink what I get you and like it." Sakura teased. Just then a huge gust of wind blew over them messing up their hair and sprinkling dust in their eyes. "It looks as though the wind has shifted. I wonder what changes it will bring." The medic said as she smiled at Naruto who was still clearing the dust from his eyes.

As if on cue out of nowhere one of the Hokage's minions came running toward them. "Ms. Haruno the Hokage needs to see you immediately someone injured has just arrived at the gate."

"Sorry Naruto we'll have to save our drink for another time. Keep your head up, you're not on your death bed yet." His pink haired friend yelled as she picked up her bag and ran off toward the hospital.

Deciding he was not quite ready to go home yet he sighed and leaned his head back to look at the evening sky. It was too early for stars but the sky was still spectacular. It was moments like this he could appreciate Shikamaru's outlook on life. _Speak of the devil_. He thought as he saw his easygoing friend sit down next to him out of the corner of his eye. Without bothering to take his eyes off the sky Naruto started the conversation very bluntly, "I slept with Sasuke again."

"I figured as much."

"Tsunade also seems to think the Kyuubi is plotting something that will most likely result in my death."

"I can't say that surprises me much either. It was only a matter of time." He heard Shikamaru sigh as another strong gust of wind passed through. "It's hard to see when it's this dark but it looks like the wind is going to blow in a storm. I'm not too worried about it though because the weather will be nice again soon enough." They sat there in silence for a few minutes staring up at the sky until is started to drizzle. "Maaa, it seems as though I was right. I'm going to get going, I find it's best to ride out storms indoors." Shikamaru stood up and left leaving Naruto by himself.

It was difficult to tell wither of not Shikamaru was being metaphorical or literal. He decided not to read into it too much and stayed sitting there. "It sure has been raining a lot lately. I bet that means typhoon season is coming." He said to no one in particular before letting out a sigh. Once the rain picked up a little he decided it was best to just head home.

Unfortunately he hadn't left soon enough. Even though he was sprinting home the rain picked up faster then he could run leaving him soaking as he attempted to pull open the door, it was locked, Sasuke must have left. He felt both relief and disappointment as he dug through his pocket for his key. As soon as he was inside he flung off his wet sandals, threw down his bag, and ran to the bathroom to get a towel flipping on all the lights on the way. After he was done drying his hair he made his way over to his bedroom with the intent of passing out and not getting up until someone pried him from his bed and he would have done just that if there hadn't been someone already tucked into his bed.

"Do you intend on standing there the whole night gawking" A familiar voice muttered from under a pile of covers.

"I thought you had gone home." Naruto said as he began to remove wet clothing and change into dry ones.

"Clearly I haven't."

Naruto walked over to his bed and started rearranging the covers much to Sasuke's dismay. "Why did you stay?"

"I'll go." Sasuke said shifting to get up but Naruto stopped him.

"No stay. I can't imagine anyone could get much rest in the house where there entire family was murdered."

"I sleep fine."

"I'm sure you do" Naruto sighed as he adjusted himself under the blankets. "I'm sorry I was so loud on the way in, I must have woken you up."

"A loud entrance is expected from such a noisy ninja. " Naruto had nothing to say that could counter that so instead he closed his eyes and shifted closer to his friend. "If you spoon me I will knife you." Sasuke warned.

"I think I'd recover." He said wrapping an arm around his reluctant friend before falling asleep.

He was woken up a few hours later by rather rude knocking on his door. "I'm not ready to get punched again, you have to answer that." Sasuke groaned as he pushed a very reluctant Naruto out of bed.

It was Sakura again. She certainly had perfected the art of interrupting. "Is Sasuke here?"

"Yes." Naruto glared trying to give Sakura the stare that said "you're annoying please go away", ironically this was a stare a stare he usually received.

"The Hokage needs to see him immediately, you might as well come too."

"Listen, if this is about the thing we discussed earlier, I have exactly told him about it yet…"

"The world doesn't revolve around you Naruto." Sakura said pushing past him to try to get to Sasuke who had just entered the hallway looking as though he had been up for hours.

"What's going on?" Sasuke said as he sat down to slip on his sandals.

"I think it would be best if I let the Hokage explain things to you." _This can't be good. _Naruto thought as he remembered how his own misfortune began.

Even though he wasn't exactly sure if he was invited Naruto trailed along after them through the rain and even followed them into the Hokage's office. He saw the Hokage sitting in her desk much the same way she had been when he was there earlier. "Sasuke, were you aware of any relationships you brother might have held during his time as a missing nin."

"We didn't talk much."

"Of course not. I only ask because a mysterious woman arrived at our gate earlier today on the brink of death. It seems she had been sick for a while and had pushed herself to the limit in order to get to Konoha. It would appear she did this because she had something very important of your brother's to pass onto you before she died."

"What is it?" Sasuke said shifting his eyes around the room to see if there was anything he hadn't noticed.

"I believe the question is 'who are they?'" Tsunade said as he pushed two children out from behind her desk. _She must have done that on purpose to make things more dramatic._ "You are their last living relative so their care falls to you."

The look on Sasuke's face as he looked at the two small black haired children was priceless, it looked as though life hadn't just passed him by, but had stopped to spit in his face along the way.

_Karma Bitch!_ Naruto grinned to himself. He leaned over to Sakura and whispered: "I think we better duck because it looks like the shit has hit the fan."

"I'm glad you can get so much enjoyment out of other people's troubles."

"It's just nice to witness something so fucked up that has absolutely nothing to do with me." Naruto grinned. "Hey do you think now that he has two kids he'll mind terribly if I abort is fake fox babies?"

Sakura smacked the back of his head and muttered something that sounded suspiciously like 'idiot' under her breath.

--

(1) This is from James Joyce's Ulysses. It is said to be the first line of postmodern literature because it is the first time a character acknowledges the author. It's the kind of thing a literary nerd would yell when a situation gets uncontrollable. There isn't really any logical reason as to why Naruto says it beyond that fact that as a literary nerd I find it hilarious. It was probably unnecessary but don't you feel smarter after reading this note?

2)"I'm home" … "welcome home" I could have written in English but it's a very big thing in Japanese culture so I thought it deserved to be in Japanese. Listen for it in shows you watch or manga you read, it comes up quite a bit.

3) Johnnie Walker's most expensive label. A glass of this could run you upwards of 20 a glass. One way you can figure out if someone is determined to hit on you is to order one when they offer to buy you a drink… I don't advise doing this though.

--

A/N Sooo, this one took me a bit long then I would have like, but don't worry that means the next one will be up next week because I'm determined to stay on schedule. I'll also find the time to get back to all those lovely people who volunteered to edit. I had this one looked over briefly by my sorority girl roommate who, before reading this, thought Naruto was a Japanese pop band. SLAM Jess, you're a trooper. Next time we begin to get solid answers, Plot or Pregnancy? I'm getting excited just thinking about it!

-Wensleydale

P.S Naruto Shippuden is "On Notice", they need to leave the cliché kiss of death stuff to fan fiction. Seriously, I nearly fainted when I saw Kyuubi's chakra start making that girl choke.


	13. Chapter 13

-Chapter 13-

"History is a nightmare from which I'm trying to awake"

-James Joyce (1)

--

"Naruto, come take these children I need to talk to Sasuke alone." The Hokage called across the room to him.

"Sorry Godaima, I'm afraid you have no relationship to these children all decision are to be made by Sasuke."

"Naruto, will you please come take these children before Sasuke dies of a heartache?"

"Well played." He said as he walked across the room and kneeled down in front of the kids to have a closer inspection. They were definitely Uchiha. They both had black hair and pale skin, completed with the trademark Uchiha scowl. The taller one looked to be about four; the other one didn't look too far behind, perhaps three or so judging by the height difference. "Hi my name is Naruto, what are your names?"

Much to his surprise the younger one spoke first. "Kazusa."

"That is a very pretty name befitting of a very pretty girl."

"Naruto, they're both boys." Sakura added.

"Why would you give your son a girl's name, that is the kiss of death!" he turned to the small child and put a sympathetic hand on his head. "I think I should warn you now, childhood is going to be rough on you." He turned to the other one that stood there glaring at him. "How about you? What's your name?"

"Miura"

Naruto's eyes started twitching for the second time that day, clearly he didn't handle stress well. "You both have very ironic names."

For the first time in a long time Sakura picked up on the connection after him. "They are named after the warriors that were sent to kill the evil fox demon!"

"Miura" Naruto said looking the boy in the eyes. "You must never take up archery. Alright," He said as he picked him up and put him on his shoulders. "The big one goes with me, and smaller one gets to go with Sakura." He leaned toward Kazusa and whispered loudly: "coupe a feel while you can because when you get old doing it makes you a pervert."

"Thank you for that wisdom." Sakura said as she picked up the wiggling child and placed him on her hip.

"And we are out!" Naruto called out as he began to stand up slowly, but as he did so he felt small fingers dig into his skull. "Lighten the grip a little up there for me short stuff." He said as he began walking toward the door. One he was on the other side he paused leaned an ear toward the door but before he could hear anything Sakura used her free hand to drag him away by his ear.

"We don't have time to eavesdrop we have to get the younger members of our party to bed. " she said motioning to the child she was carrying who was already dozing off.

"I suppose that means we have to break into the Uchiha compound?" Sakura nodded and started walking toward the exit of the building. Before following after her Naruto gave one last look toward the door of the Hokage's office. "I wonder what they're talking about."

"Don't worry the Hokage is going easy on him. It's in your best interest that we keep on his good side because if he were to refuse to do the release and resealing it means you die."

"Great, all I need is more pressure to make this relationship work." He said rolling his eyes as he ran after his pink haired friend only to have sharp little fingers dig into his head again. "Ok I get the message, I'll slow down."

"Faster." He heard a small voice whisper from above him. When he heard it he smiled. He had a feeling he was going to like this kid.

"I'll leave the gate open for you." He called to Sakura as he passed her.

"Don't get him too riled up or he'll never get to sleep."

Naruto found he had quite the opposite problem, instead of being antsy Miura was drowsy. "Don't fall asleep just yet, we need to get you out of that old yukata and into something clean. If I were an Uchiha where would I store my old clothes?" A brain wave hit him. How could he have been so stupid? All of Sasuke's old clothes would be in Sasuke's old room. He walked along the outside of the house to the farthest room.

He felt weird about going in without Sasuke's permission but then he looked down to see Itachi's oldest child slide the door open as if it meant nothing to invade this private space so he concluded he was probably over thinking things.

It looked completely untouched by age. If it hadn't been for a thick layer of dust he would have thought a young child still lived there. He walked over to the closet and began to search through it, the less time he was in here the less likely he was to get caught.

As he started rummaging through clothes he noticed Miura's attention was on something else, the kids eyes were fixed on a plush dinosaur that sat just out reach. The way he was staring it seemed as though he were trying to move it telepathically. He smiled as he leaned down to take it off the shelf and pass it to the small child who clung onto it with all his might. (2)_That's right, he may be an Uchiha but he is still a little kid. _Looking at this child with uncanny black hair felt like he was looking at a younger Sasuke.

"Feel like grabbing an extra set?" he heard Sakura ask as she stood in the doorway.

_How long has she been there? I can't believe I let my guard down just because a kid cuddled a dinosaur. _"Sure thing. Where is the other one?"

"Asleep in the first tatami room. I'll put Miura to bed while you keep looking."

" I think I found some that will fit fine for now." Naruto said as he took two sets of clothes out of the closet. He winced when he saw a huge Uchiha symbol on the back before remembering the children technically were Uchiha's and therefore shouldn't mind terribly.

It was surprisingly difficult to get the kids to stay asleep. By the time they had finally managed to strap them into bed he and Sakura were so exhausted they collapsed next to the kids. "I'll just stick around until Sasuke gets back." She muttered as she closed her eyes.

Even though he was also drained there was too much going through Naruto's head to allow him to fall asleep. It is funny the way the world works. For years he had dreamed about lying next to Sakura and now that he actually was, all he could think about was Sasuke. He peered over Sakura to see two sleeping children the younger one on his back and the older one still holding that ridiculous dinosaur. Finally satisfied he sighed and closed his eyes. "Sasuke." he sighed.

He didn't know how or when he had fallen asleep but he felt himself waking up when a body next to him shifted around. The sent was familiar but the body wasn't. Sasuke felt curvier then he remembered. "Sai" he heard the body mutter. That voice certainly didn't sound like Sasuke, in fact it sounded like… he opened his eyes just a crack to see he was snuggling against the wrong member of team 7.

"AAAH!" he yelled waking up Sakura who saw the state they were in and yelled back several octaves higher. When they heard the children stir they simultaneously reached to put a hand over the other's mouth. The looked over to see the two Uchiha's were still asleep and breathed a sigh of relief as they took their hands down.

"Why are you still here?" he whispered angrily.

"Why aren't you with Sasuke?" she snipped back.

"Sasuke isn't back yet. Oh yeah, you a forbidden from sleeping on Sasuke's bed mat ever again, it gets my senses all confused."

"And you forbidden from sleeping in the same bed as me, regardless of whose it is." Sakura countered.

"Fine." Somehow augments felt tamer when conducted in whispers.

"Fine. Naruto, no one can know about this. I mean it's not a big deal or anything, nothing happened, but it would be great if this stayed between the two of us because if Sai were to find out…"

"I'm more worried about Sasuke."

"What about me?" Instinctively both Naruto and Sakura turned to shush the voice but then realizing it was Sasuke standing in the doorway they exchanged smirks and both stood up to grab Sasuke and pull him to the futon. With Sasuke in between them they both began to doze off again. "This is weird." Sasuke concluded.

"You're not back to having intimacy issues are you?" Naruto mumbled.

"I just don't think Sakura should have her hands where she has them."

"Does Naruto Uzumaki have to choke a bitch?" (3)

"Hands removed." Sakura replied turning away from Sasuke toward the runts.

He wanted to turn to Sasuke and ask if he was ok, but instead he decided it was enough just to be there.

--

Perhaps more surprising then discovering that Itachi had children was the fact then when he woke up the next morning Sasuke was still peacefully asleep. He leaned up to see if Sakura was still there but it looked as though she had left. Her absence reminded him that he had a meeting to go to and a book of Sudoku to pick up at his flat before that.

"Hey Sasuke, I gotta go. Are you alright here with the kids?"

"I just have to feed them right?" he heard his friend moan.

"Yeah, I'm sure you'll be fine." He whispered before sitting up deciding he better come back here during his lunch break to make sure Sasuke hadn't killed the kids or vice versa, but right now he had bigger things to worry about like potential pregnancies, evil demon plots, and, he rolled his eyes as he remember the title of the meeting agenda, Soil conditions in areas surrounding Konoha.

After his daily check in with Sakura and three hours of listening to old men bitch about dirt he was ready to see how Sasuke was doing.

He smiled as he walked through the Uchiha gate. The kids probably had him tied up. Yep, he would show up and be the hero. As soon as he stepped into the main house he slipped off his shoes and attempted to call out to Sasuke, but was stopped when two children pulled on his leg and shook their heads.

"Don't talk." The older one whispered.

"What's going on? Are you guys playing some sort of game?" Naruto said crouching down to look them in the eyes.

"He'll yell again if you're loud." Miura explained.

"I SMELL FUN!" at the sound of Sasuke's ominous voice the two children fled into a nearby room.

"I got this one." He winked to the two hiding children. _I think it's time we had a conversation. _He thought as he cracked his knuckles. Sasuke looked completely unbothered as he sat at a table writing a report. "You yelled at them?"

"They were being loud."

"They are the quietest toddlers I have ever met!"

"Maybe we have different standards."

"Yeah, we do. This half-love you give everything is really staring to piss me off. It was fine when it was just me, but now these kids too? Have you ever loved anything more than revenge?"

"Yes, I loved me family." He noticed Sasuke had thrown down the brush he was writing with leaving splattered ink across the table. "But we know what happened to them. You don't know how dangerous it is to love."

"No, I just think it's worth the risk. I'm beginning to think that maybe what we have isn't enough for me."

"So this is it then." Sasuke said looking at him from across the room.

Just then he remember that he had to keep on Sasuke's good side if he wanted to live. Breaking it off was probably going to put him on Sasuke's naughty list. "I need a drink." He grumbled, "The kid thing must be pretty stressful. Wanna go out with Sakura and me tonight? She owes me a drink and I intend on getting it and drinking it along with several others."

"Incase you've forgotten, I have kids now."

"Oh Sasuke, you are so naïve." Naruto laughed. "The first thing you learn when you have kids is how to get rid of them. I happen to know a very good way of getting rid of them called Iruka-sensei."

"I don't know…"

"I think the kids could use a break from your intense personality. "

"I don't have an intense personality." Sasuke seemed genuinely offended.

"Sasuke," Naruto said as he walked up behind his friend and put a hand on his shoulder, "they were hiding when I got here."

"And now they're eavesdropping." Sasuke said as he glowered at the door.

"It's ok, the big bad Sasuke won't hurt you, you can come in. " Shamefully the entered the room with their heads hung low. "I have a fun game." At the sound of the word game their heads perked up. "How old are you guys?"

"Four and a half." The eldest spoke up. The youngest just held up three fingers as he stared petrified at Sasuke.

"Well, I think that's old enough to have your own rooms. How about you go run off and hide and the room you hide in will be your new room ok?" They both nodded excitedly. "Ok, so three plus four and a half is seven and a half so I'm going to give you seven and a half minutes to hide. Are you ready?" the nodded again even more excitedly than before. "GO!" and they were off. He walked over to Sasuke and sat on top of the mission report he was writing. "See, I told you, the first thing you learn is how to get rid of them."

"But you only got rid of them for seven and a half minutes."

"I think that's long enough for what I had in mind." He said as he smirked.

"I really need to finish this mission report so if you could just give me a blow job under the table that would be great." Sasuke said trying to reach around Naruto to pick up his brush.

"You're mean." Naruto pouted as he snatched the brush before Sasuke could get to it.

"Yeah I hear that pretty often." The Uchiha said trying to pry the brush away form Naruto unsuccessfully. "There is only one solution to this." He said as he pulled Naruto off the table into his lap. "You have to write it for me. The next word is involve "

"Alright." The blond said putting the brush in ink then biting his lower lip in concentration as he lowered the brush to the paper.

"You're writing is really messy dobe."

"I'm sorry. But there is this new invention called the pen. All the cool kids are using them nowadays, maybe you should pick one up."

"Quit being a smart ass," Sasuke said as he grabbed the other's chin to turn his face so that they were nose to nose. "That's my job."

"And you're so good at it so I'd hate to deprive you of it." He said leaning his forehead against Sasuke's only to hear the clang of metal hitting metal. _Damn forehead protectors. _Instead he tried turning his head just enough so that if he moved a centimeter forward his lips would brush Sasuke's. _Drum roll please._ He thought right before making his next move, but it was too late. The Uchiha leaned his head down to rest on his shoulder and started to laugh. _Perfect moment ruined. _He scowled at his friend.

"Sorry, you'll laugh too when you figure out what rooms they're hiding in."

His eyes widened as he looked down at Sasuke. "That's cheating! We actually have to looks for them!"

"But this way we can pretend to look for them, but really spend more time here." Sasuke said looking up at him.

"They're in Itachi's and your old room aren't they?" his friend nodded before leaning forward and lingering dangerously close to his lips. "It's been eight minutes. We should free them from their misery." Naruto muttered. "Remind me to tell you something important when I'm really drunk."

"Fine, but as long as we're getting rid of the brats for the night I can think of something we can do that's much better than getting drunk."

"I doubt that" Naruto smiled before getting up of Sasuke's lap.

--

Naruto was perfectly content sitting at the bar next to Sasuke until he caught the eye of someone across the bar. "Neji is glaring at me. Do you think he knows I'm the one who recommended he take my place in sand?" He asked Sasuke as he waved to Neji who flipped him of.

"Yeah, I reckon he does." Sasuke said as he took a sip of his drink.

"Naruto!" he heard Sakura squeal as she entered the bar. "I see you brought a friend."

"Yes, you might have met him before, his name is Sasuke Uchiha. Did you bring the markers?"

"Markers?" the Uchiha asked.

"Yes." Naruto said taking a marker from Sakura who was settling in at the bar. "When me and Sakura go out we put a mark on our arms every time we drink so when we wake up the next morning we know how much we drank. The left arm is for shots, the right arm is for cocktails, beers and the rest."

"Ooooh REM just came on the radio you know what that means!"

"DRINK!" he said slamming his fist on the bar and taking a shot of whatever the bartender had just poured him. "Mark me." he said handing a marker to Sasuke who was rolling his eyes. "Oooh Hinata just blushed, you know what that means." He called out to Sakura who had just finished marking herself.

"DRINK!"

"Is all you do drink?" Sasuke asked.

"You're getting the hang of this." Naruto said taking a shot and giving himself another mark.

"So do I get a mark?"

"You're not even finished your first drink yet wuss. You have to earn these marks." He said holding up his wrist. With that the Uchiha downed the rest of his drink.

"Mark me" is friend said as he held his wrist out in front of him. He smiled and gave Sasuke his first mark.

"Naruto, Cake just came on the radio you know what that means!"

"DRINK!"

The rest of the night was a little blurry with the unfortunate exception of his embarrassing walk home being practically carried by Sasuke. When he woke up in the morning all he remembered of the conversation during the journey went a little something like:

"I don't know what I drank Sasuke, but I'm bettin' it's Tibetan."

"I'm sure the Tibetan's are flattered."

"Hey, we should get something to eat at Ichiraku's."

"I think they're closed."

"Fuck You Ichiraku's!"

"If you make it home without yelling again I'll make you ramen ok?" he remembered Sasuke plead.

"I love you Sasuke."

"Thank you."

"You mean I love you too right bitch?" it was right about then that he threw up at  
Sasuke's feet and ceased to remember anymore.

Surprisingly he felt fine. He looked at his wrists. 7 shots and 2 drinks, he should be hung over, but he wasn't. _Thank you Bilious god of hangovers for taking the hit for me_. (4) He smiled as he stood up to find Sasuke.

"There is no justice." The Uchiha declared as soon as he caught Naruto's eyes.

"How much did you drink?" he asked Sasuke who was nursing a cup of tea. He held up his right arm that had one mark on it.

"You really are a wuss." He laughed as he walked over to the table where Sasuke was sitting.

"A wuss that dragged your drunk ass home even after you threw up on me."

"Sorry about that, are the kids back?" Naruto asked as he picked up Sasuke's cup of tea and took a sip from it.

"Yeah, I left them in the bathtub to drown."

"Oh good, Iruka-sensei is here. I have a rather odd question for you." Naruto fidgeted. "Did I say anything to you last night?"

"Didn't say so much as sang."

"Did I sing anything, um, interesting?"

"Well we now have a song because you declared at one point that the next song that played on the radio would be our song."

"Really? Anything good?"

"Placebo's Every you, Every me."

"I was kind of hoping for Tom Petty's Free Fallin to be perfectly honest. Doesn't the lead singer wear a skirt?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"That's unfortunate. Anything else?"

"You did a lot a chicken dancing, and apparently you speak Spanish when you're drunk."

"Really? Spanish?"

"Si"

"I should drink more often." Naruto said stroking his chin.

"Please don't."

"I think you're forgetting about two very important factors" He heard Iruka-sensei say as he entered into the room dragging behind him two familiar children. "I can't take care of them every night just because you want to shake it like Shakira."

"Apparently I can sing like her too when I'm drunk." Naruto said while sneaking another sip from Sasuke's cup.

"Stop doing that!" the angry Uchiha yelled as he grabbed his cup back.

"Get over it, we've swapped more then spit."

Before Sasuke could retaliate their guest cut in. "sorry to break up this charming moment but I was just wondering if they had any other clothes. I put them back in Sasuke's old clothes but it might be a good idea to have more then one set in the future."

"Oh right, we still have the clothes they came in, I should wash those so they don't have to run around naked." He heard Muira and Kazusa giggle so he crouched down to face them eye-to-eye. "Was that a funny word? Well I'm going to say it again. Are you ready? I'm going to say it again."

"Would you stop being immature and put the damn clothes in the wash already." Sasuke said clutching his cup as though he didn't trust leaving it on the table unattended.

"Alright, alright." He said as he picked up the clothes. "Do you see how nice aunt Sakura folded these for you? Look she even left a note for us on top."

"That's for him." The eldest said pointing at Sasuke.

"Really? Who's it from?"

"My dad." The youngest laughed as though it were obvious. Before Naruto had time to react the note was snatched from his hand. Sasuke stormed off with it into an empty room and slammed the sliding door.

"I better take care of this." Naruto whispered to his teacher.

"What and leave these kids alone?" He gave Iruka a pleading look. "Fine I'll take them, I'm going to basically raise them aren't I?"

"Judging by Sasuke's and my current mental state, probably." He said before slowly sliding open the door to the room the Uchiha had closed himself in.

Naruto looked across the room to see Sasuke sitting in the dark twitching nervously attempting to light a cigarette. He was clutching something that looked suspiciously like the piece of paper that he had folded innocently on top of clothes moments ago. It was unusual to see Sasuke so on edge. He wanted to go over to him and shake sense into him but instead he placed a hand on a shaking shoulder and began to rub it gently. "Come on Sasuke, you have to snap out of this, this isn't who you are."

"What do you know about me?"

"I know about me. There was a time when I would blame everything and everyone for all pain and suffering and vile things that happened to me. Blame society, blame Kyuubi. I didn't get any answers because I wasn't asking the right question."

"What question is that?"

"Has anything you've done made your life better?"

He heard the Uchiha begin to laugh. The laugh was anything but genuine, it sounded almost sinister. "The Hokage thinks the Kyuubi is pregnant doesn't she?"

There was no use asking how he knew. "Actually she thinks the Kyuubi is faking it in order to enact some evil plot to destroy Konoha."

"She's smart, smarter then I had expected but that doesn't change anything. Her compassion for you is her weakness." Sasuke put the cigarette he had been smoking out on his hand before tossing it away and began clutching the piece of paper tighter in his hand. "But this changes everything. I killed him so long ago, how could he have known?"

"Known what?" Sasuke loosened his grip on the paper and handed it to Naruto with shaking hands before reaching for another cigarette to light up. Carefully he unwrinkled the paper and read the small neat print that was written on it. "Hate is Baggage. The Last of the Uchiha's hatred dies with me." He read out loud. The words had no meaning to him but they sent Sasuke into another fit of twitching.

"Everything was going fine until this." He heard Sasuke mumble.

"What are you talking about?"

"Surely you must have figured it out by now Naruto, the Kyuubi isn't doing this all on it's own. The Kyuubi is helping me enact my final revenge on Konoha." Naruto sat there and stared at his friend in disbelief. "Stop looking at me like that!" Sasuke yelled at him.

"Like what?"

"Like you can forgive me."

"Sasuke, I love you but..."

"Don't say that! I'm the reason why you're going to die! You should hate me!"

"Everyone told me that you were playing me from the beginning but I didn't care because I know what your brother knew, that you are capable of more then hatred and revenge. So if you could call of this whole plot so I can continue to be among the living that would be really, really nice."

"I can't."

"Yes, you can."

"No I can't, the second that man in the forest freed the Kyuubi's Chakra the plan became irreversible. All I had to do was find away to release the Kyuubi's chakra so it could take over."

"Well it's alright because now that I know we can just, not release it." _It will be over like a bad dream._ He thought to himself

"It's not that simple." Sasuke looked up at him through sympathetic eyes.

"What exactly is going to happen to me if the Kyuubi isn't released."

"Have you ever tried to fill a water balloon to its limit?"

_What a wonderful image. _Just as he thought that the wheels started to turn in Naruto's head. "You weren't there on orders were you? The murder was never there, you were the one who was controlling that guy. You didn't come to see if I was ok, you just wanted to know your plan had worked. You're the reason why I don't have a guitar you bastard! How could you have been so nice to those foxes after you killed their mother?"

"I didn't kill any foxes."

"Yes you did. To write out that cryptic message in blood."

"I didn't write out any cryptic messages in blood." As he looked Sasuke in the eye he knew they were thinking the same thing. _Shit._

"But everything else, everything you said to me, everything we've done, it was all according to this sick twisted plan of yours?"

"No not all of it. I wasn't supposed to get stuck with two kids for one thing." Sasuke laughed uncomfortably. "You weren't supposed to fall in love me, we weren't supposed to kiss, you weren't supposed to make me feel anything. You weren't supposed to make me feel guilty, or worried, or lonely, or jealous, or happy. I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you." The last part was barely above a whisper but Naruto still heard it.

"Well," He sighed. "That gives us a little over six weeks to stop the ultimate destruction of Konoha."

"I don't want to Save Konoha I just want to save you."

"You can't have it both ways I'm afraid. I know what happened to your family is terrible, but I love Konoha so I can't let you destroy it. Maybe it's time you stopped looking for revenge and started looking for home."

"Stop being sentimental." Sasuke said getting a hold of him a little.

"You're right, we don't have time to be sentimental we have too much work to do!" Naruto said cheerfully. Inside this whole thing was killing him, he had been betrayed and it hurt but there was no way he was going to let Sasuke know how he was feeling because if he wanted to survive this he had to return the treatment he had received and learn to use Sasuke for his own benefit. _Love just makes you feel warm and fuzzy inside doesn't it? _He thought as he leaned his head against his best friend's shoulder. "By the way you owe me a guitar."

"I happen to think I did the world a favor."

--

(1) Another James Joyce quote!? It's incredibly cliché but fitting. (This one goes out to Wilfred Humbug because last chapter showed me you can appreciate even the worst James Joyce quote.)

(2) I added this bit in after reading ch. 402, most adorable dinosaur ever.

(3) Yes. Oh yeah, this is from the Chappelle show.

(4) From Terry Prachett's disc world. Every time you wake up without the hangover you know you deserve he gets it.

--

A/N Don't hate me for making Sasuke evil again, everyone makes bad choices it's how you deal with them that defines your character. I tried to drop in subtle hints along the way. (for instance in this chapter "every you every me" which is the main track for the movie _cruel intentions_... yeah they were that subtle.) Sorry this chapter is a little later then I hoped, the Macross F OST that I thought would make it easier for me to write actually made it harder. Damn you Yoko Kanno and your catchy tunes!

-Wensleydale

P.S to the 3 of you (who aren't me) who voted on my poll I just wanted to make sure you guys knew it was made to be tongue-in cheek. Thanks for answering anyway; it made my day.

P.P.S I think the answer depends on the pair of socks.


	14. Chapter 14

-Chapter 14-

--

"My brain hurts." Naruto whined as he looked up from particularly dense reading material. The whole room was filled with scrolls and books of a similar nature. A week ago they had ransacked the Uchiha library and dumped everything into this room that they now sat in the center of facing each other. "I think I've read this one before. Which side are we putting the ones we've read through?"

"Left."

"My left or your left."

"Left from the door, so I believe it is my left."

"Ah fuck, I've been putting all the ones I've read to my left! We've just been exchanging literature in a loop."

"Stupid dobe can't even keep track of what you've read." He heard his friend mutter.

"Hey we wouldn't be doing this if you hadn't decided to sacrifice me to destroy Konoha."

"You make it sound like I masterminded this whole thing from the beginning, I told you the plan evolved. I wasn't even going to do it until you decided to go off with Gaara."

"If I had known you would be such a jealous bastard I wouldn't have slept with you in the first place. Why did I sleep with you?"

"My charms and good looks." Sasuke said picking up another scroll.

"No I don't think that was it." Naruto said flinging the scroll he had been reading behind him.

"I think you were lamenting the fact you couldn't find a woman and jokingly suggested we fuck each other and I tried calling your bluff."

"Yeah that sounds more like it. Hey why don't we put all the scrolls we've read in this empty box?"

"Because that's where we're putting all the useful materials we find."

"Oh…"

"I'll get another box to put all the stuff we've read through in." Sasuke said standing up picking up a few books and scrolls along the way. "Hey, have you read this one?" he asked holding up a book that looked identical to about a hundred other books in the room.

"I don't know." The blond responded rubbing his temples. "Read the first sentence."

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a monstrous vermin." (1)

"Hold on to that one, it sounds funny."

"I'm putting it in the useless box. See it has a big X on it so you know which box is which." The Uchiha said sitting down again still tossing in scrolls he had read. Naruto just sighed and leaned over to help find what he had read. "So how did the check up with Sakura go this morning?"

"Wonderful. It seems the chakra is building up exponentially, she now thinks I'm having triplets."

"Remember Naruto, you're not supposed to tell anyone you're pregnant until after your first trimester, to do otherwise is considered bad form." Sasuke smirked at him.

"It's taking all my will power not to hit you right now" Naruto said giving a scroll an experimental swing. "Speaking of children, where are they?"

"School."

"Isn't the youngest too young to be going to school?"

"Iruka seems to think it would be a bad idea to separate them. I frankly don't see the point in keeping them so close because eventually one of them is going to kill the other." Sasuke said as he carefully inspected a book before he tossed it into the useless box.

"What an evil thing to say!" he said as he threw a book at Sasuke's head

"What? There are two things that run in the Uchiha clan, Sharigans and fratricide."

"Clearly because these children are also being raised by an Uzumaki they won't have to make such choices."

"Would you stop being idealistic, you're starting to get on my nerves." The Uchiha said as he picked up a new scroll to skim over it.

"You are the reason why I'm dying, if I can deal with that you should be able to deal with a few of my quarks. What could I possible I possibly be doing that is worse then that?"

"You want I should make a list?" Sasuke said looking up from what he was reading.

"Speaking of lists, it just so happens I made one of my own." Naruto said pulling a pad of paper out of his back pocket. "Things Sasuke has done to piss me off lately." He read, "let's see here, 1. You were willing to kill me for revenge, 2. You're the fucking reason why I'd dying, you and your fucking revenge, 3. Seriously fucking a guy over for revenge is seriously messed up, lets skip over the next few, it gets a little redundant." He said as he began to flip through pages. "Emanate death, evil bastard, ah here's where it gets interesting again. I hate that you're a morning person. It also sort of bugs me that you are so stubborn and that you're unwilling to admit that you said you loved me…"

When he looked up at Sasuke who was sitting there reading dull manuscripts for him he could no longer read his own hand writing, his list seemed meaningless. He skipped all the way to the end to save face. "And finally it's really annoying that you ignore me when I'm talking." He looked over at Sasuke who had just began to unravel yet another scroll. "Sasuke?"

"Hmm? Sorry did you just ask me something?" the Uchiha said innocently.

"Oh that is it. Naruto said picking up the heaviest looking scroll only to throw it away when I developed a better plan. He launched himself on top of Sasuke sending books and scrolls flying as he began to punch a surprised looking Sasuke repeatedly in the face. "Don't look so surprised, this was a long time coming." He said before he gave once final jab before taking a breath.

That was a bad idea. As soon as Naruto paused he felt himself being launched across the room along with the scroll that had previously been in Sasuke's lap. He went crashing through the shoji screen into the hallway where he landed on his back. He groaned and looked up at the hole his body had made in the door. Not long after he felt a foot plant firmly on his stomach. He didn't have to look up to know who it was.

"Think twice before you attack me again, for a second there I began to think I would enjoy watching you die." The Uchiha said before removing his foot and offering him a hand to help him up.

"What made you change your mind?"

"I thought about how difficult it would be to find someone as easy as you."

"Speaking of easy, when exactly do you need to pick the runts up from school?"

"45 minutes."

" I have 35 minutes until I have to meet up with Sakura, I think that give us enough time." He said leaning forward to kiss and lick the spots on Sasuke's face he had been punching less then a minute ago.

"We have to keep researching." The dark haired boy protested.

"You can do that when I leave. Think about how much faster it will go without me bugging you constantly." He felt his friend shrug in silent acknowledgment of the truth of that statement. "Considering we've been at this for hours a 35 minute break is nothing."

"It's a significant percentage of your remaining life."

"A percentage in which we could probably do it three times."

"Four if you weren't so insistent about preparation."

"The lube is non negotiable." Naruto said as he glared at Sasuke and shrugged off his jacket.

"Dully noted."

Naruto began stripping clothes as though it were a chore. "I can't believe we've become one of those couples that has to fit sex into a schedule."

"We did that before, we just had more flexible schedules."

"No we just did it whenever you wanted to." He said as he struggled to pull his shirt over his head.

"And wasn't that so much better?"

"Well I wasn't dying, that certainly made it more enjoyable."

"I think we can manage to make the next 30 minutes or so just as enjoyable."

"Watch it there Maverick, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash." Naruto said as he quirked an eyebrow and removed the last of his clothes, which happened to be his headband. (2)

"I guess I'll just have to go back to reading then." A nearly nude Sasuke said as he turned away and picked up the scroll he had be reading before.

"Not so fast." He said as he grabbed hold of one of his friend's shoulders to turn him around and start showing him affection he didn't know his was capable of considering the circumstance, but he couldn't help it, it was Sasuke.

What made sex with Sasuke exciting was that it was unpredictable and ever changing. It was the perfect solution to his fleeting mind. A lick or nibble to yesterday's sweet spot would incite nothing today. Sasuke didn't really talk so much as make subtle suggestions with his body movements, an unspoken language Naruto was quickly learning to skillfully interrupt. There were also some not so subtle ways Sasuke conveyed his displeasure. It was like a game of operation. Sucking or kissing the right part would be rewarded with a gentle moan or sigh while any attention given to the wrong spot would be responded to with a sharp nip or the grazing of sharp nails.

Today nothing he did seemed to work. He was beginning to worry that he would leave with a body covered in claw marks. Of course there were some universal hot spots he could try if Sasuke allowed him, which was highly unlikely, but that wouldn't stop him from trying.

He pretended to give be interested in his friend's collar bone but as soon as Sasuke seemed deceived he quickly ran his tongue down to a nipple. He felt Sasuke try to pull up on his hair like reigns, but it was too late, he had managed to latch on. It was awkward, sure, especially because he knew his ministrations were unwelcome, but it was worth it to be able to take an occasional glance at Sasuke's face. When he didn't have the chance to look up he was content feeling the Uchiha's heart pulsing and chest heaving with short breaths. Surely there was no better spot to give attention to, except perhaps one.

Slowly he slid his tongue down only to have Sasuke catch him in the act and pull him up by the ears after only a few inches. "Mouth up here." Sasuke said as he flipped him over on to his back.

"Time to see if you continue to can live up to my great expectations." He panted as he looked up at the blurred outline of pale skin and dark hair.

"And if I don't will you live out the rest of your days in an old house with rotting cake?"

"Now is not the time for an obscure book reference." He whined as he dug his nails into Sasuke's back in an attempt to encourage him.

"It's hardly obscure, it's Dickens."

"Forget Dickens fuck me!"

"I'm a little disappointed. I was expecting a bad pun."

"What?" Naruto asked as he tried to calm his libido enough to understand exactly what he had to do in order to get Sasuke in him.

"The name Dickens had so much potential that you just threw away."

"Would you put you dick ins me already? There was that good enough?"

"I don't know I think you can do better."

"And there goes my hard on" he grumbled.

"No I think it's still there." Sasuke said as he ground into him. He struggled to catch his breath before the Uchiha caught him off guard like that again. "I'm just doing this to piss you off." He heard Sasuke say as he smirked down at him.

"I… can tell." He panted.

Sasuke leaned in close and took his chin in his hand forcing him to look him in the eye. "Don't waste my time with meaningless foreplay." And with that message Sasuke took the final steps and pushed painfully into him.

It didn't take too long to find his release from that point. He was followed by Sasuke not long after. The Uchiha collapsed next to him and gave a halfhearted attempt to push some of the fallen shoji screen out of the way before closing his eyes.

"Come on lets go again." He said jumping excitedly on the exhausted looking Uchiha.

"We can't. There isn't enough time." Sasuke said motioning to a wall clock.

Naruto's jaw dropped as he looked at the time. "I can't believe we took that long. We're losing our youthful vigor."

"Well if you hadn't latched to my nipple like a newborn…"

"Excuse me for trying to bring passion into the relationship."

"We don't need passion, we need solutions. We don't have time for passion. How are we doing on the list?" Sasuke asked as he pulled over a dusty old scroll from the ruble of the shoji screen to look over.

Naruto pulled his pants toward him until he could reach into the pocket where he stored his notebook. "Let's see. Hallway is now crossed off, but we're really going to have to up our game if we're serious about having sex in every room."

"You could always blow off Sakura."

"I can't, we're going apartment hunting." Naruto said as he pulled on his pants

"So why are you getting kicked out of your apartment again?" Sasuke asked as he passed Naruto his shirt.

As Sasuke said that he remembered the pleasant conversation he had had with his landlady just the other day.

"I want you out." She had yelled. "I put up with you and that demon for years but now you've gone and defiled the place with you sodomy. I can hear you going at it. It keeps me awaking thinking about how sinful what you're doing is."

Looking back on it the event his next words could have been more tactful. "I bet you get off to it huh." He winked at her.

"You will move Out by the end of the month." Her shrill voiced cried. "And just for that last comment you'll be leaving without your damage deposit!" _damn it. _

Losing his damage deposit had been unfortunate but it was worth it to see the old woman's face turn purple.

He pulled on his shirt, turned to Sasuke and replied. "Artistic differences."

--

"I can't believe I'm getting kicked out of my apartment because I have sex too loudly. I always thought I was pretty quiet, mostly moaning and groaning, with very little yelling." Naruto said as he walked around Konoha with Sakura in search of an apartment he had seen up for rent.

"So why not move in with Sasuke?" Sakura asked. "I don't see the point in renting another flat."

"I need my own space. " Naruto said looking around the street. "Thanks for helping by the way, I think I'll have a better chance of having a place let out to me if you're around."

"No problem, I always wanted a gay friend."

"I'm not gay." As soon as the words slipped out of his mouth reality set in. "wait, I am aren't I?"

"This didn't sink in, I don't know, when Sasuke was sinking into you?"

"Not really. Ah look I think I found the street!"

"Great!" Sakura yelled as she hooked arms with him. "So as you fag hag I believe I'm entitled to one dirty secret."

"Yeah, no." Naruto said trying to shake free of her.

"Come on, what is the one thing that bugs you about sex with Sasuke that you can't tell him because you know it would make him mad."

"He likes to have sex against hard surfaces." Naruto said hoping that would satisfy Sakura's curiosity.

"Something juicier."

Naruto thought about it for a moment before deciding this was probably his best revenge against Sasuke. "Ok ok, Sasuke can't give head."

Sakura gasped. "Do go on."

"He's so afraid of using teeth that he tries to make up for it with jaw movement. Not to mention there is absolutely no tongue involved. It's like having a large mouthed bass over your cock, and I can't say anything about it because I had enough trouble guilting him into it in the first place." (3)

"I wish Sai wouldn't go down on me, sometime I just want to pull him up and say 'you do realize blood comes out of there right?'"

"Aaaaaah to much information. But that reminds me, I should probably head home and pick up my sudoku before heading back to Sasuke's."

"Come on now Naruto. What message does that send?" Sakura said waving a finger at him.

"Not for Sex, for my meeting later on this afternoon." Sakura looked at him unconvinced. "Would you look at that I think I see the place." He said motioning to an old run down building that looked as it was ready to collapse.

The interior, if possible, was in worse condition then the outside of the building. There were exposed pipes running along the ceiling that had left rust stains on the walls. Not to mention the whole apartment seemed to be at a slant.

"This is fine. Please handle the paper work for me." Naruto said as he made his way toward the door"

"Naruto are you sure about this?" Sakura whispered to him.

"I'm only going to be renting it for a month I can deal with its imperfections."

"There is a gaping hole in the floor."

"I can walk around it."

"I just don't see why you can't live with Sasuke."

"Sakura we've been over this." He said rolling his eyes.

She leaned forward to whisper in his ear as though what she was saying was taboo "I mean you guys are having a passionate love affair…"

"Do you have to make it sound like a cheap romance novel?"

"Fine." She pouted, "you guys fuck like rabbits, I don't see why he can't just let you sleep over afterwards. You spend all your free time there. What I'm trying to say, is if you're only guaranteed one more month to live, don't you want to spend as much time with Sasuke as possible?"

It was times like this he yearned to tell Sakura that Sasuke was the reason why he was dying because then she might understand his need for distance, but he and Sasuke had had several long discussions about it. No one could find out or Sasuke would be in jail and he would be dead. "It's a pride thing. He already fucks me, the last thing I need is to have him think I'm relying on him."

"Alright," she nodded, "I got this for you. I think I might even manage to convince the landlord to fix the hole before you move in."

"You're a legend Sakura, thanks a bunch." He said leaving her to talk with the owner of the building.

--

The thing he both loved and hated about Konoha was the fact that he couldn't go anywhere without running into someone he knew. In this case it was Neji. "Aren't you supposed to be in sand?" he glared over toward his longhaired friend.

"I was, but I came back to help with Shikamaru's big push. Has he talked to you about it yet?"

"I can't go." He lamented, "I have to attend all these meeting…"

"Soil conditions can't possibly be more important than taking down a corrupt criminal."

"Don't diss the dirt." Naruto shoot back

"He attacked here Naruto. Here in Konoha. He left a pile of dead bodies outside of the Hokage's office. No one knows how he got in that's why I was called back. It's almost as if he's after something. I can't believe you haven't heard about it."

"I don't get out much." Naruto said as he tried to process all that had been told. Knowing his luck the murder was probably after him. "I don't see why someone hasn't taken him out already."

"It's not that simple…"

"Isn't it? We're ninja's, aren't we supposed to be able to just send someone out and have the enemy killed in their sleep or something?"

"That aside, the fact that he breached the gate is a huge deal. No matter how much I hate to admit it we need you."

"Maybe I can convince Sakura or Sasuke to go but…" Naruto hesitantly suggested

"We need you."

"Me?" it was all very flattering but for some reason he couldn't help but feel that they needed him to do something very dangerous that would most likely result in serious injury, such the loss of a limb, or death.

"He left a message by the bodies in blood that read. 'Please die fox' I have a sneaking suspicion he is referring to you."

"At least it was a polite request." _Unlike Sasuke's sneaky plot._ He thought to himself.

"Yes, it was very courteous of him."

"Anyway I have to go now." He said pointing in the general direction he was going. "But I'll take your request into consideration."

"Don't insult me by putting on your meeting voice." Neji growled, "This is serious business."

"Sorry, can't hear you." He said as he took off toward his next destination before yelling back. "I've put on my meeting ears. They prevent me from hearing whining."

"You're going to have to deal with this soon or later!"

He gave a final yell, "I'll deal with it later then." then off he went towards another long afternoon of meaningless meetings that seemed to almost purposefully ignored the new threat on Konoha.

--

After spending the afternoon completely ignoring other people Naruto spent his evening being completely ignored.

"So did I tell you I have a crazy murderer after me? It seems that everyone wants a piece of Naruto Uzumaki." He said taking a seat in the kitchen next to Sasuke who was busy reading a hard covered book with a dusty old jacket.

"Is that right?" his friend said, not bothering to even look up from the text.

"Don't worry I already have you reserved to keep from here," he said motioning to his knee. "To here." He said motioning to his navel.

"Thanks for thinking of me." Sasuke said visibly rolling his eyes.

"I would have tried to get you the full chest but I already promised it to Sakura so she stare at my beautiful pecks for the rest of her life." The Uchiha looked as though he were purposely avoiding responding to anything now. "Learning any fun new demon neutralizing techniques?"

"I've been reading that boring shit all day, I'm taking a break."

"You're idea of taking a break from reading boring old scrolls and manuscripts, is to read a boring old book? We need to work on your definition of relaxation. You could be doing _anything_ to me right now."

"Would you be willing to let me gag you so I can get some peace and quiet?"

"Kinky. So, what is the book of the moment?" Naruto asked leaning over Sasuke in an attempt to read what was written on the page.

"It's called Dangerous Liaisons."

"What's it about?"

"Let's just say they never made a wishbone of it." Sasuke said leaning away so Naruto could read over his shoulder.

"Now I'm curious, and you know I'm not going to stop pestering you about it until you tell me what it's about."

"It's about a guy who makes a pact with an evil woman to seduce another woman for revenge, but the whole thing quickly becomes complicated. There's resistance, submission, a false pregnancy, and eventually he leaves her only to realize he's fallen in love with her, but it's too late, she's sick and dying all because of his betrayal."

"What happens? Does she die?"

"No, she lives. He sacrifices his life for her."

"Psht, no one's life is that complicated." He said flopping on his back. "The idea that all that would happen just because two people have sex is completely ridiculous."

"You know Naruto there is a way to save you but it would mean..."

"Don't even think about it."

"But if …"

"There is no way you are getting out of this that easily. I want this to be one of those stories that 20 years from now when I really want fuck but you say you are le tired I'll say 'hey do you remember that time…'"

"It seems like you put a lot of thought into this." Sasuke said quirking and eyebrow.

Naruto stood up to pour a drink before sitting back down next to the Uchiha "thinking about the future keeps me from wanting to bash your face in every time I look at you." He said as he passed the drink to Sasuke who shrugged and took the glass.

"Foresight isn't necessarily a bad thing." Sasuke said as he took a drink from the glass Naruto had just passed him only to do a spit take. "What the fuck is this?"

"The taste of revenge. It taste bitter doesn't it? Just like a cheap cooking wine." The blond smiled.

"Here's to that." The Uchiha said as he rose the glass and took a large painful swig of it before putting it back down on the table.

"Where are the kids?"

"I've no clue."

"Now there's something I will drink to." Naruto said taking the glass off the table and downing what was left in it. "Hey, wanna do it?"

"But I am le tired"

"You should take advantage of this because I do not approve of the idea of you fucking me when I'm dead."

"That's it!" Sasuke yelled as he slammed the book shut and stood up. "I've just had a stroke of genius. I have to leave now."

"Where are you going?" Naruto asked, not really expecting an answer.

"I'm going to visit a crypt."

"Alright Dr. Frankenstein your emo level just rose about 10 points." (4)

"I'll see you in a few days." Sasuke glared at him as he moved to the door. "Look after the kids won't you?"

"But what if some crazy murderer attacks me during the middle of the night while you're gone?"

"What are the odds of that?" the Uchiha rolled his eyes and exited the room

"I'd say about 1 to 1." Naruto muttered to himself.

--

1 From Kafka's Metamorphosis. This is a tip of the hat to the producers.

2 I like to think of headbands as being the socks of the ninja world, when exactly do they come off?

3 Sometimes true stories are more hilarious then anything I could ever hope to make up.

4 Frankenstein figures out the secret to resurrecting the dead by hanging out in a crypt.

--

A/N I can't believe it took me so freaking long to write this, it certainly didn't help that I got really sick and when I tried writing from my nesting place on the couch everything I wrote turned out to be miserable, angry, and annoyed. (which was how I was feeling) So because I write this mainly to entertain myself I decided I would watch terrible television instead and save the writing for when I was feeling more passionate about it. Any zeal this chapter has is thanks to my friend Will who came to visit me during the latter half of my illness equipped with "sex in the city" and stories of his latest sexploits and work grievances all of which inspired me. Cheers Will, here's to hoping you never find this story!

-Wensleydale (bah ram ewe)

P.s I rediscovered the Suikoden III intro, best opening to a video game ever.  
Needless to say Hugo, Chris and Geddoe kept me company for many hours during my stay on the couch.


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